Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 11, 2011 23:01:13 GMT -5
My mother had told me once not to make any drastic decisions directly after a major upheaval. Judgement would be greatly reduced. And so I arrived at Landis's front door the day after Sergei had left me. I needed to talk to someone, and instead of fleeing back to Aragonia so I could talk to my mother (which would have been drastic), I went instead to my old friend.
I knew I wasn't looking well. I hadn't slept last night, nor the night before. There was too much emotion swirling around my mind to let it rest, too many tears. I probably looked like a ghost, the only colour in my face showing up in the dark circles beneath my eyes. I clutched at my coat, chilled to the very core of me, and knocked on his door.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 11, 2011 23:34:54 GMT -5
It wasn't far into the morning, just long enough for me to clean up after my practicing and change clothes while grabbing a quick bite of breakfast and a glass of water when I heard a knock at my door. There were a few servants here and there but most of them were still going about their morning routines and I was far from so proud I couldn't get it myself so I simply wiped my hands on a napkin and went to the foyer. With a pleasant smile in place I turned the doorknob and looked out at whoever my visitor was.
The person before me was a suprise, especially in the state she currently was. Mercedes and I had been friends for years and kept in touch through war, peace and years of separation. I hadn't had the chance to see her since my return but the last I knew she was safe, well and still being courted by the Ruskovian prince Sergei. Why was she here looking so sad then? It didn't matter, and my surprise gave way to concern as I took a step toward her. She looked so pale and exhausted that it was disconcerting. "Mercy, what's wrong?" I asked, reaching out a hand to take her arm lightly and draw her inside, my tone calm but showing my worry.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 11, 2011 23:59:26 GMT -5
My eyes welled up with even more of those blasted tears when he appeared like a saviour at his own door. "I'm sorry to arrive without warning like this," I whispered, looking up into his blue-grey gaze before realizing that he could probably see every ounce of pain in my own eyes and looking away. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 12, 2011 0:17:17 GMT -5
I was going to tell her that there was nothing to apologize for, that she was always welcome whether she was going to make it a formal visit or not- but I had a feeling she knew that. Unless she'd changed completely it was probably just that she was falling back on pleasantries in the confusion of not knowing what else to do, and that was a bad sign in itself. "There's always time to talk," I told her sincerely, letting my arm rest lightly on her arm as I opened the door wider and gently led her inside, then closing the door behind us. "Welcome to my house. Do you want to go sit down and have something to drink?"
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 12, 2011 0:40:04 GMT -5
"Yes please," I said, letting him lead me where he would, just doing my best not to let the tears fall. We had been friends for so long, and I trusted him for he had never, ever let me down. Even when some little part of me had wished differently. "Thank you."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 12, 2011 9:27:10 GMT -5
There was something about the way she spoke that told of deep inner pain and immediately my mind started to turn again, wondering what could have happened. She was such a diginified person but I knew what softness of nature dwelt under her skin, her love of her family and the effort she put into being exactly what everyone expected of her. Once she'd understood that she could be herself and strike a balance between her Aragonian morality and d'Angeline freedom but from what I was seeing now some part of that had left her- and she was far from the young girl who could easily learn it again. Could that be the core of what was wrong this time?
It was only a couple steps to the sitting room and I opened the door and led her inside, then gave her another look and lightly gripped her shoulder and gestured over to the couch. "Go ahead and sit down, make yourself at home," I told her quietly, then walked over to the sidebar and considered the options. "What do you want to drink? I've got some white wine and brandy, and then the weaker things so take your pick." It hurt me to see her so sad and just as she'd been there for me when I was grieving I would be there for her no matter what was causing her sorrow.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 12, 2011 16:33:44 GMT -5
I went and settled on the couch, my slippers coming off so I could tuck my feet under me. Maybe it wasn't as graceful, but I knew Landis wouldn't mind. "No alcohol, please. I've been avoiding it. I'm afraid if I start drinking, I won't stop," I whispered, looking at the way my hands clasped together on my lap. "Maybe some tea?"
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 12, 2011 16:43:28 GMT -5
I remembered clearly how Mercy always tucked her feet under her when she sat- she'd done the same when we were younger and it was somehow endearing to see her with the same habit, though now she was far older and seemed so much more reserved. "Tea sounds good- and maybe something to eat too," I replied easily, going to the door and asking a servant to have those things brought to the sitting room before I went to the couch and sat beside her at a comfortable but polite distance. It was obvious that something was weighing very heavily on her mind. "It won't take too long. I'd ask how you are but it seems like it's a silly question for the moment. Will you tell me what's got you so upset, Mercy?" She was too thin, and pale and exhausted on top of it and I brushed a strand of hair back from her forehead gently. "Don't try to tell me it's nothing, I know it's not just as well as you do."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 15, 2011 22:53:38 GMT -5
He said something about food, but I ignored it for now. I wasn't hungry, hadn't been hungry for a couple of days now. I had only eaten because people had made me, had stood in the room until I at least made an attempt. "It's not... It's not nothing," I agreed. Even with those few words my voice broke, and my hands gripped at each other tightly. I was tense, wound up like a top, trying to keep from shattering even more of my heart.
"He... ended it. Sergei ended it." I managed the words with my head bowed, but my body started shaking with the effort. I was cold, so cold, my world having fallen to pieces around me.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 16, 2011 15:02:05 GMT -5
There was something wan about Mercedes' features that had made me think that she might need to eat, but when a person was upset convincing them of that was often a difficult thing. When she admitted that there was something indeed bothering her I could almost hear the tears in her voice and that was a very stark thing; Mercy had always done her best to hide her emotions, to present that image of the Aragonian princess who was unshakable. Whatever had done this to her had struck deeply enough to break away at a piece of her heart.
As she started to speak again I immediately knew what was wrong- her heart had indeed been struck and was now dying inside of her if the look in her eyes was any judge. "Oh Mercy, I'm sorry," I told her quietly, noticing her shiver and pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over her shoulders before rubbing my hands up her arms to give her a little more warmth and comfort. "What happened?" Likely the issue was something of a complicated one but I was willing to listen and offer what comfort I could for as long as she needed it.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 16, 2011 21:05:47 GMT -5
"I got scared and pulled away. More than once. It made him mad," I whispered. It was a gross simplification, but I didn't think I had the strength, or the desire, to tell him every detail. I huddled against Landis's warmth, needing his strong arms so much right now. Maybe they weren't Sergei's arms, but they were the arms of a friend. Maybe I needed that more right then. "He thought I didn't trust him, and nothing I said made any difference."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 17, 2011 13:21:40 GMT -5
There was a part of me that could understand both sides of the story, at least from the little I'd heard. It could be frustrating to have someone seem to push you away repeatedly unless you were trained to patience. That didn't matter now though, and I could see that Mercy had lost a good deal of herself in this misunderstanding. More than anything that was what mattered to me at this moment and when she moved closer I wrapped my arms around her in a comforting hug.
"Sometimes it's hard for people to hear and accept words, no matter how true they are or how much they're meant. I'm sorry he couldn't," I told her quietly, letting her take whatever strength she needed from me. She was a dear friend and I could do nothing less. "I know it broke your heart, Mercy. I'm sorry for that too, because you must have loved him a good deal for it to do so. If I could change anything about this I would so that you could have your love and your peace again."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 17, 2011 22:47:04 GMT -5
I started shaking harder at his sympathetic words. I didn't think they could be true though. This had been my second chance, and I had blown it. I buried my face against his chest, not able to hold in my tears any more, and began sob.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 22, 2011 15:07:16 GMT -5
It was very clear how overcome she was and I ran my hand over her hair and let her cry, because sometimes there was nothing else to do. Mercy had lost something that she valued almost more than her own life, her heart, and that offended her pride which only added to the weight and stress she felt. That was a perfectly good reason to be upset and I wasn't going to tell her that she was wrong for it. Instead I simply shushed her and rocked her slightly, continuing to comfort her as best I could and then kissed the top of her head lightly. My poor friend, tired and sad, and shaking like a leaf. Looking up I saw one of the servants at the door and gave them a very slight nod, then watched them sit down the tray silently and make their way out. I may not have had an extensive household staff but they were good people, steady and true, and I could count on them.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 27, 2011 18:19:31 GMT -5
Eventually my sobs ran down. Not surprising, considering the amount of crying I had been doing of late. "I love him Landis," I whispered, my voice feeling raw. "I want to hate him, but I love him too much." By all the gods I was glad to have Landis here. I really needed someone to hold me like this, and not judge my stupidity.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 27, 2011 22:28:37 GMT -5
Once her crying had calmed some I reached out a hand and lightly brushed the tears from her cheeks with my thumb, knowing that it wouldn't really cure her of the sorrow but also aware that she wouldn't want to leave them there anyway. "I know you do," I told her with a smile, because that much was plain to see. "If he loved you it must hurt him just the same, and maybe after a little while things can be repaired. Neither of you are dead and that means there's always more time."
I could hear the cracking in her voice and brushed a hand along her dark, lovely hair again and gave her a smile. "It sounds like you need something to drink. Do you take your tea the same way you used to?"
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 27, 2011 23:30:50 GMT -5
Landis's words were meant to be comforting. But I couldn't be fooled. Things had been rocky to start with, and then when Sergei asked about living in Ruskovia... well, it was the final nail in the coffin. Yes, there was plenty of time. To regret, and play over our time together in our mind. I couldn't explain this to Landis, not without dissolving once more into tears, so I simply nodded. Maybe the tea would help me feel better. I could hope.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Feb 28, 2011 17:58:38 GMT -5
I took her nod to mean that she did want tea, though I knew that from her silence was not so much peace of mind as the unwillingness or inability to speak. The one thing Mercy and I had always been able to do was talk to each other easily about most things, and indeed that's how we'd spend the last few years of our friendship, corresponding through letters when we could manage to send them between the other events. Hopefully as she calmed down and collected her thoughts she'd find it easier to say what she needed to.
"Alright, I'll be back in just a moment," I told her, easing my arms down from around her and then slowly standing and walking over to the table where the tray of tea had been set and poured us each a cup. Hers was made in the way I remembered, my own left mostly bare except for a faint touch of cream, and with it done I picked up the vessels of liquid and brought them over to the couch, offering her one with a soft smile. "Here you go," I said quietly, then sat back down where I had been and took a drink. I wasn't sure if she was able to see it through the grief but I did hope that it would soothe her a bit.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Feb 28, 2011 19:01:16 GMT -5
I only sniffled a little while he was gone, and was glad for it. When he returned, my cheeks were dry once more. Though I still didn't really trust myself to talk. "Thank you," I whispered, accepting the cup and saucer. "I'm sorry for this. We haven't seen each other in so long, and I arrive like... like this."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 1, 2011 12:17:16 GMT -5
Once I sat down I saw that she seemed a bit more composed, at least enough to take the tea, and it seemed that her tears had stopped for the moment. I could only hope that meant that she was feeling a little bit better, but I wasn't going to expect it from her or pressure her to behave as though she was when her heart was broken. "You're allowed to arrive in any state you like, especially since it's been so long," I told her sincerely and with a warm smile. "And I would say that you're as lovely as ever if I wasn't so worried about you right now. Don't be sorry, I'm certainly not going to fault you for it."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Mar 2, 2011 22:41:29 GMT -5
"Don't bother with compliments Landis, I know I look dreadful," I said, though deep inside me something felt warmer for his words. I wasn't one to make friends easily, and so it was always such a comfort when I spent time with one of my few. My hand reached over to touch his arm. It was supposed to be a casual touch, but it only served to remind me of what I had lossed with Sergei. "But you're sweet to say it." My voice was a little uneven.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 3, 2011 12:12:28 GMT -5
"You look like you haven't slept or eaten well in a couple of days," I told her honestly, smiling slightly at her touch. "But you're still just as lovely as ever under that, whether you want to believe it or not. And even if you weren't you're beautiful on the inside and that's what matters the most." She seemed to be at a place where she was teetering on the edge of losing all faith in herself and I wanted to make her feel better, like at least she did still have something worthwhile to her. My free hand went to where hers rested on my arm and squeezed it comfortingly as I looked back at her, letting her see that I was being sincere. She was a dear friend and even with all she'd been through I wanted her to know that she wasn't any less for all of it.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Mar 4, 2011 23:18:51 GMT -5
"Then why Landis?" I whispered, my shoulders slumping with the utter defeat I felt. "Why couldn't I trust him? Why couldn't it have worked? Why did he break my heart?" I couldn't have asked those questions of anyone else. But with my friend at least I felt safe enough to ask them.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 6, 2011 10:15:07 GMT -5
I could understand why she wanted answers and I wished I had some for her. Perhaps that would have helped her to see what could have been changed, or at least know that there was nothing that could have been done after all. "I don't know if there are any answers for those questions," I told her in a quiet, sincere tone, reaching out to stroke her hair for a moment before I cupped her cheek gently. "There may never be, or if any are possible you'll have to find them for yourself, especially the answer to why you couldn't trust him." From what I'd heard he was an honorable man and I didn't know anything that would make her not trust him. Her old fears for her modesty might have done it though.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Mar 7, 2011 0:16:18 GMT -5
I looked into his eyes, and then away. I could hardly bear the kind, harsh, damning truth in his gaze. I knew it was my fault. No amount of railing against it would change matters. "There are answers," I whispered brokenly, holding my teacup tight. "But then I would have no one else to blame. And I want so much for it to be the fault of another."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 7, 2011 13:46:46 GMT -5
"Maybe no one has to be blamed at all," I suggested in a quiet tone, continuing to stroke her hair with one hand as I set down my teacup and rested the other atop her own clenching hands, trying to relax her before she broke the cup and possibly cut herself. "Sometimes things happen that are no one's fault and there's no way they could have been any different. Please, Mercy, don't do this to yourself. All that can come of looking backward is more pain." It hurt to see her so despondent and tired. "The answers will be there later if you still want to look for them."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Mar 14, 2011 21:11:19 GMT -5
I let him take the teacup, and wrapped my arms around myself. It was only when my body was held tight that it felt like maybe my world might not fly apart. Maybe. "The pain is everywhere Landis. The past, the present. Any thoughts of the future. I'm twenty four and alone. I thought... I thought he was the one."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 16, 2011 10:17:22 GMT -5
There was a certain sting in her words, as I was twenty-seven and still alone, but I let it pass. Mercedes had never been used to times of solitude, not unhappy ones, and there was no fault in that at all. It wasn't as though it was any worse than my tendency toward solitude at times that seemed to push people away. "Right now the present just hurts so much it looks like there's no other future but that," I told her in a gentle tone, bringing her closer against me and wrapping my arms around her in another hug. "But like all wounds it can heal and you're more than strong enough to push through. I know you are."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Mar 16, 2011 12:37:06 GMT -5
He brought me close again, and I rested my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat, the uneven steadiness to it comforting. If my heart hadn't so recently be shattered, I might have found this embrace difficult, tempting even. But it hurt to much to think such things right now. He wasn't Sergei, and that's what I would compare every man to for a long time. But the fact that he wasn't Sergei was also one of his best features right now. "Thank you Landis. For believing in me. I really need that right now."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Mar 19, 2011 20:58:51 GMT -5
"It would be impossible for anyone not to believe in you if they knew you," I told her with a smile, letting her rest against me and take whatever comfort she could. Once this sort of behavior might have made her blush, but now she was looking for reassurance and nothing further and that was perfectly natural with what she'd been through. "But I'm glad I could be here to help, though I wish the circumstances that require it weren't present. If you need anything from me don't be afraid to ask, I'm here for you."
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