Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 18:25:53 GMT -5
I woke up the next morning completely refreshed and utterly ravenous. After dressing, I headed to Valerian House's dining hall for two bowls of porridge, an apple and a large mug of tea. Plain food, but hearty, and I felt new and whole when I was finished.
I returned to my room to prepare for my lesson with Douleur that day. I had a question for her, about what she said about submitting the mind. Could one submit one's mind and still retain oneself? I did not chose my desires, but they were mine, and I wanted to know if one could keep a hold on the self and still submit the mind.
Pondering the question further, I headed down the corridors to the assignation chamber. Douleur had not yet arrived, so I waited outside.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 21:24:22 GMT -5
I turned the corner and saw Avrielle waiting outside the chamber.
"Good afternoon," I told her, pulling out a key and unlocking the door. I went inside and waited for her to follow.
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 21:25:16 GMT -5
"Good afternoon," I said; eyes down, I quickly followed her inside.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 21:30:41 GMT -5
Closing the door behind her, I asked, "How are you today?"
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 21:33:21 GMT -5
Keeping my eyes level and my position subdued, I said: "Refreshed. I haven't been sleeping so well, but last night I slept for a long time, so I feel very well. How are you?"
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 21:50:43 GMT -5
"I'm very well, thank you. Have you come up with any questions since yesterday?" I asked her, motioning for her to sit in one of the chairs.
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 21:58:16 GMT -5
I sat quickly, feeling every inch of yesterday's lesson in my body. "Yes," I said. "I was thinking about what it would mean to submit one's mind to a patron. Like I said, my mind is my own, and I feel very strongly about this. But can one submit one's mind, and still retain a sense of oneself? What I fear is that in submitting everything, every part, I will lose myself."
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 22:08:55 GMT -5
Taking the same seat as yesterday, I thought about how to explain it to her.
"It is possible, for when I achieve that point, I am still myself but truly I am more than myself. It is a matter of how you look at yielding. If you see it as a desire and not a facet of your innermost self, then it might not be possible to submit your mind and keep your self. For me, I am never as complete, as true as in that moment when I have submitted everything. In that moment, I am me in the most whole manner I could ever achieve."
My brow wrinkled a little.
"Does that help?"
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 22:13:26 GMT -5
"Yes," I said slowly. "I think it will take time to reach a point where I can achieve this, but I think I understand it a little better now. Thank you."
I frowned. "When you submit, do you still keep your will? Do you leave your will behind, or is it your will that wants the submission?" I shook my head. "Was that too paradoxical?"
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 22:20:30 GMT -5
"It is my will to submit," I told her. "If it was not, then I would be lying to my patrons and they would know it."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 22:23:49 GMT -5
Her words struck true to the heart of what I felt and I smiled widely, with the joy of one who has reached a place of understanding within oneself. "Thank you," I said. "I understand."
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 22:34:12 GMT -5
"Good," I said, smiling. "Anything else?"
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 22:36:03 GMT -5
I shook my head. "No, not yet."
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 23:30:04 GMT -5
"Take off your clothes," I told her. "and stand with your back against the cross."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 23:31:24 GMT -5
I rose immediately to do as she bid. Stripping quickly, I crossed the room to the cross and stood against it, eyes down, waiting.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 23:45:05 GMT -5
"Put your arms out, palms flat against the cross."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 10, 2006 23:46:49 GMT -5
I obeyed. The iron was pleasently cool against my skin.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 10, 2006 23:56:20 GMT -5
"Tell me what you want to learn today."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 16:09:04 GMT -5
"I want to efficiently learn what every good adept ought to know when bound to an iron cross, such as I am in the position to be."
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 16:28:09 GMT -5
I had been curious about what her answer would be, not really interested in making it the plan for the day. Her answer baffled me.
"Being an adept at Valerian has nothing to do with efficiency, except perhaps in the speed in which you obey a command," I told her. "You can learn from a book what is likely to happen when you are bound in that position, which bindings could be used, the best distance to stand away from the cross for each whip. What you cant learn is how it feels when you have been bound that way for hours on end. The pain in your arms and shoulders, the way your legs feel more like liquid than flesh. The torment when your patron tells who he will let you down if you ask him to, but he would really rather you stay. Those things are what we prepare you for here."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 16:34:36 GMT -5
When I said efficiently, I meant that I wanted to learn it thoroughly, not as though I were learning it mechanically. Still, I did not say it, for fear of being found insubordinate. Instead, I said, "Then I want to be prepared."
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 16:47:17 GMT -5
Sighing, I mentally tossed out my plans for the day. If she wanted to be prepared, then I would show her in a very condensed fashion what it felt like to be on the cross.
"Bend your right leg and put your foot flat on the wall," I told her as I stood and went to trunk in the corner. "Stretch your left leg so that you are standing on the ball of your foot, back still against the cross."
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 16:52:16 GMT -5
Had I said something wrong? She told me to go to the cross, what was wrong with learning it? I obeyed quickly, but it seemed as though I couldn't say anything without angering somebody. All I wanted was to be a good adept, but I needed guidance desperately.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 17:04:19 GMT -5
I opened the trunk and removed two bags filled with sand. They were designed to be used as counterweight to an adept's body weight in certain situations. Each bag weighed ten pounds and had a rope loop at one end.
Struggling slightly, I carried the bags back to where she stood.
"There is a process to learning things, a progression of knowledge. You can not learn everything at once," I explained. "I will not beat you, but I will show you just what it feels like to be on that cross for a very long time."
One at a time, I picked up the bags and slipped one over each hand so that the loop settled on her wrist. I stepped back, looking at her, balance on the ball of one foot, bag hanging from each wrist.
"Keep all your weight on your left leg and do not move," I told her.
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 17:18:30 GMT -5
As she slipped the bags of sand around my wrists, I gasped. They were not so heavy, but it was a struggle to retain my balance in every second. The muscles in my arms, slowly but surely, began to ache, and the ball of my left foot stung. I could feel the blood pounding in my ears as the minutes passed.
Five minutes. My arms ached more than ever and I could feel the sweat pooling under my toes from the bottom of my foot, threatening to make me slip. Somewhere, the fire in my arms turned to languor, and my breathing became slower and deeper. I knew I would fall soon, but my body didn't want to give up. There was a deep, primal pleasure building in my stomach, and my heart beat faster for it. I could feel my toes slipping and I gasped, fearful of falling, fearful of giving up.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 17:24:27 GMT -5
"Name every Dowayne of Valerian in order," I snapped, my tone whip sharp to keep her from slipping away. I wanted her to feel the pain.
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 17:26:14 GMT -5
Gasping, I gave the names one by one, as quickly as I could. "...Trinette no' Valerian," I finished.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 17:29:12 GMT -5
"And now all the Seconds, in order," I ordered. My eyes watched her carefully for any signs of true distress.
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Avrielle nó Valerian
Adept
Valerian House
Daughter of Annette n? Fronsac and Niall Southerly
Posts: 988
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Post by Avrielle nó Valerian on Oct 11, 2006 17:33:52 GMT -5
I stumbled through the names till the very end. I was beginning to understand how one could keep one's mind sharp while under such physical duress. I wondered if it would be the same with a patron; if one could keep a clear head while pleasure was being given and taken. I could feel my foot slipping again and my toes gripped the floor harder than ever. The pain in my arms burned, but it was less than unpleasent, and a half-smile found itself at the corners of my lips.
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Post by Douleur nó Shahrizai on Oct 11, 2006 21:53:46 GMT -5
Seeing the slight smile on her lips, my eyes narrowed a little. "Close your eyes," I told her, knowing it would be harder to maintain her balance with her eyes closed. Then I went back to watching for the small signs that would indicate the beginnings of permanent damage.
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