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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 28, 2007 23:28:15 GMT -5
The fire of the study warmed me as I sat before it, silently pondering a number of different things. Normally I would take to the mountains to think so deeply, letting the clear air and brightness wash away my anxieties- but with as little sleep as I was getting, it wasn't safe. Too much was running through my head, and rest was elusive.
Sighing, I wrapped the blanket further around my shoulders and waiting for something, anything, to come to me and provide rest and surcease- or at least freedom from these thoughts.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 28, 2007 23:37:46 GMT -5
I wasn't able to sleep. I had turned over enough times that Maria's voice sleepily asked if something was wrong. I said it was fine, and her breathing evened out. Sleep evaded me still, so I slipped a blanket around my shoulders and over my night gown, and stole from my room.
I crept down the hall on bare feet, until I saw the spill of firelight on the hardwood floor. I intended to sneak past the half open door, but my glance into the room was held. Landis, in front of the fire, looking so lost and alone. And still so incredibly handsome.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 28, 2007 23:43:40 GMT -5
Movement to my side and I turned toward it before I realized how quickly I'd turned my head, my reflexes kicking in subtly before I realized who it was and smiled sheepishly and a bit wanly, gesturing her in. "You'll catch your death, walking in bare feet like that," I teased her gently, scooting over in front of the fire so she could sit as well. Her hair was tousled as though she'd been tossing all night, and it suited her- in ways much too indecent to explain.
Even so, sleeplessness was something I could understand and I felt some sympathy. "Now you know my dirty little secret- insomnia," I said wryly. "Is it the same for you?" Turning slightly I caught her gaze, head cocked sideways.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 28, 2007 23:55:18 GMT -5
I drew the blanket tighter around me, for the first time realizing I had only a nightgown on. True, it extended from my collarbones to my ankles, but it was merely one layer of fabric.
But he drew me in, as did the fire, and I found myself settling beside him, tucking my feet up into my nightgown. "Not exactly." I replied as his gaze caught mine and held on. "I'm... I'm homesick, is all."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 0:01:49 GMT -5
Nodding in understanding I replied, "I guess I could say the same. This building is my home, I know, but it feels very much different from the 'home' I knew. It's too loud with echoes, too quiet for wanting of the voices I expect to hear."
Knowing it was rude I broke off eye contact and looked toward the fire, face in profile of hers; it was easier to face the fire than her own wan and sad face, where commiseration could so easily give in to a beginning of affection. Already I saw too much of her, the curves of her skin and brightness of her green eyes. Likely it was only sorrow and loneliness, the wish to know the world lived, but knowing such things didn't change the way they affected me, and Aragonia was much different from Terre d'Ange.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 0:13:55 GMT -5
The grief in his face was almost too much. It touched something within me, made me want to gather him up in my arms and rock him to sleep. "Is... is there anything you need?" I asked hesitantly, watching his feature jump in and out of the shadows.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 0:21:04 GMT -5
For a moment I thought about her words, closing my eyes and taking comfort in the fact that she was even offering to help me and then wondering if there was anything that could help me. "I need it to be easier," I said simply, opening my eyes and gazing in her directions again. "People say it will get easier with time- perhaps I need that. Or maybe I just need sleep, that one thing I can't seem to reach. Drugged sleep does nothing but leave me groggy and unthinking, it doesn't even help me rest well. I've worked myself mentally and physically until I ache, but even that doesn't make me exhausted enough.
Talking to her like this seemed to loosen something in my chest, a hard weight that had been pressing on it, though it didn't completely abate. And Mercedes- she looked so worried I unconsciously reached out a hand to brush her cheek. "I'll be fine, you shouldn't worry over me," I told her quietly. "Go and sleep, think of happy things."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 0:42:20 GMT -5
"'Shouldn't' and 'am' are two very different things." I replied, having to stop myself from flinching back from his touch. It means nothing to him, I told myself. So it shall mean nothing to you.
I knew what I would do if this was one of my brothers. I would give into my earlier urge, and hold him until he found a measure of peace in my arms. But he wasn't my brother. And so I opted for a less intimate gesture. My hand caught his, finger still lingering on my cheek, and simply held it. "Do you wish to speak more of it? I'm not going anywhere."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 14:30:32 GMT -5
I almost worried about troubling her, keeping her further from sleep- but her hand on mine was warm and I yearned for the comfort of someone listening. Besides, perhaps it would sound less sorrowful aloud, more like silly worries and too much dwelling in memory. "When I was nine my elder brother died, just a week short of my being sent to the Cassiline Brotherhood," I explained. "Up until that point I'd been raised expecting such a thing, even longed for it, for he chance to finally do the duty I'd been given. My brother's death and becoming heir at once was- a shock. My parents and my younger brother saw me through. then, when I was twelve, my younger brother died, and my parents became even more dear. To lose them both at once, so suddenly- it hurts my heart. It's the deepest loneliness I can ever imagine, and I'm somewhat of a loner by nature at times, so I don't often feel loneliness at all. I am the last of my immediate family."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 14:43:00 GMT -5
I took his hand in both of mine, stroking his skin softly as I trained my eyes on his face. I gave him my full attention, listening to him bare his breaking heart.
"It will become easier Landis." I told him softly. "It will take time, and it will take healing. Some days you'll feel like you are betraying their memory by not thinking of them all the time. But their souls are at rest, and you are still here. And you don't have to be alone."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 14:55:30 GMT -5
As she stroked my hand I stroked hers with my thumb, returning the small affection she offered and ignoring the thoughts of other things it brought to mind. I was learning to expect little more than this from life, at least at this stage. "But loneliness is cured not only by talking, but by listening," I said quietly. "Will you speak of yourself, the homesickness that keeps you awake? Your family, still living, so I can see someone happy?"
She did love her home, I could tell that much- just as I usually loved mine, and did the best I could to care for it. "I feel like I'm burdening you."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 15:12:01 GMT -5
"You aren't burdening me." I replied, my voice soft and calm. "But I will talk if you'd like."
I took a minute to gather my thoughts. "I tried to sleep tonight, but I couldn't hear the river. It runs right under my window. My mother had to stop putting the guests on that side of the castle, it kept them awake at night. But it soothes me."
I stared into the flames. "And at every sound, I opened my eyes, expecting Father to open the door and peer in to check all was well. He does it every night, before he goes to sleep. He goes around to all the children's rooms and makes sure we're sleeping well."
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 15:27:05 GMT -5
"It sounds like a wonderful family," I told her with a small smile, seeing the pain in her expression and wishing to cheer her up as she'd done me. "When you go back things will be exactly the same, and it will be as though you never left, I'm sure. That's how home is."
My other hand reached over and clasped hers, rubbing them lightly- to keep them warm, I told myself, but in truth I thought it warmed the soul more than the body. "My little brother liked the water as well- he'd try to convince me to take him swimming as soon as the frost broke, even though the water was frigid."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 23:14:06 GMT -5
My skin burned far too pleasantly under his touch, but I didn't pull away. Landis needed this contact, needed to feel grounded in this world. His memory made me smile. "And did you?"
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 23:18:32 GMT -5
"Only once or twice," I admitted with a wan smile. "Though I got scolded quite fiercely for it."
Mercedes' cheeks seemed pink again and I forwent teasing her about it to simply continue stroking her hands. Gods, but I wanted some liquor. Still, I knew I only grew more flirtatious, more blunt, with the addition of alcohol; the most I'd allow myself was wine, at least during her stay. Besides, I was disinclined to move and had to force myself not to think of reasons to slide closer to her warm, soft, real body.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 29, 2007 23:47:10 GMT -5
"I imagine you would be." I replied with a little smile. Neither of us were really cheered up, though we were trying. "But I would wager that your brother loved it."
I knew what else I missed. My mother's impulsive hugs, her arms surrounding me. Why not ask him? My treacherous mind whispered. Such things are casual here. He wouldn't think any less of you. I shivered just slightly in response to the temptation.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 29, 2007 23:58:09 GMT -5
"He did, after he stopped complaining about the water being too cold,"I said with a chuckle. She shivered, as I scooted slightly closer to adjust the blanket around her shoulders, ignoring with a stifled gasp the rush that went through me as I accidentally brushed her neck. "Are you getting cold?" I asked, concerned, then looked into her face, still so forlorn. "Or is it something else?"
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 30, 2007 0:07:30 GMT -5
I jumped a little at the contact. See, the voice continued. At home he would have apologized. But he didn't notice. Ask him... I beat the thought back again.
"I miss my mother." I whispered the admission. "And I feel so horrible that I do when..." When yours will never hug you again.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 30, 2007 0:18:12 GMT -5
"You shouldn't- I miss mine too," I told her quickly. "Just because I won't see mine for a long time doesn't mean you shouldn't want yours every once in awhile. It means you love her, and appreciate what she does; that's something no one should regret."
How easy it was for me to advise her to such things, without being able to do the same things myself! She looked like a sad girl, lost and alone, and I wanted to comfort her- but I remembered that she was not d'Angeline, and Aragonia was a very different place. My hands rubbed her arms lightly over the blanket instead of pulling her into a hug, hoping it would suffice.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 30, 2007 0:37:12 GMT -5
His arms wrapped around me, drawing me in, and I couldn't help it. I should have stayed stiff, kept my distance. But I melted into arms, my head resting on his shoulder and face near the crook of his neck. My eyes closed and I rested for a long moment.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 30, 2007 15:10:33 GMT -5
She relaxed into me and I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady, trying my best not to think of how warm her body was, or how comforting to have her face pressed just so against my neck. Still, my pulse throbbed, aware of such developments though I tried to drown them out, and my arms tightened just barely around her shoulders, eyes closing as the scent of her hair was nearly a punch in the stomach.
"I know you're sad," I finally whispered, "And I'm sorry. I wish I could do something to make you feel better."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 30, 2007 15:39:17 GMT -5
“You already are.” I whispered back. I breathed in his scent, snuggling further into his arms unthinkingly. “And you’re doing an awfully good job. Thank you.”
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 30, 2007 21:36:58 GMT -5
"Thank you for understanding," I replied, feeling her lean further into me and hugging her even closer for it, though I was careful not to crush her or make her uncomfortable enough to move away. Softly I kissed her temple through the luxuriant curls of her dark hair, then nestled my cheek against hers. Gods, this was all completely insane- but I wasn't stupid enough to complain or question. it felt too wonderful.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
Royal
Princesa of Aragonia and Condesa de Lleida
Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 30, 2007 22:43:19 GMT -5
His lips found my temple, and I became very aware of how close we were. And then we were cheek to cheek, and my blood started pounding. His lips were so very close. I froze, not knowing what to do, or how we ended up like this.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 30, 2007 22:48:27 GMT -5
She stiffened in the matter of an instant and I wondered at it, instinctively feeling a bit guilty though I didn't know why. Slowly I pulled back a little, cocking my head sideways to meet her gaze as I stroked her hair, pushing it behind her ears. "What's wrong?" I asked softly, almost positive she could feel the blood moving through my veins, so strong did my heartbeat feel.
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 30, 2007 23:27:48 GMT -5
I wanted to lean into his touch as he stroked my hair, but was still frozen. "I... I'm sorry. But I don't know how to do this." I confessed in a whisper. My blood was still pounding, heating me and causing me to blush.
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 30, 2007 23:47:49 GMT -5
Gods, but girls were confusing- especially when they were confused themselves. "Do what?" I had an inkling of what she meant, but I wasn't going to run with it- only more confusion would come of such things. Oh, but Elua, I had the barest inkling of the surcease from thought that could be found in her lips, and how she may forget her pains as well- and the daredevil in me tried to come forward. "You can do anything you want to, I have faith in you."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 31, 2007 0:39:48 GMT -5
“I know you do, and… It’s just… It's so confusing. You're so confusing." I finally blurted out. "You’re supposed to be like a brother to me."
My hand went to my mouth. It seemed the only way to stop the flow of words. Oh Mother, what had I just said?
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Post by Landis de Verreuil on Oct 31, 2007 15:30:05 GMT -5
For a moment I was startled. "I'm confusing?" I asked, wondering what she meant as my features showed a lack of understanding- but which quickly faded with her next words. I both felt sorry for her, guilty- and a bit gleeful, to know I wasn't the only one feeling and thinking such things.
More than that though, the urge to comfort, further magnified. "I'm sorry," I said simply, stroking her softness of her cheek. "It's my fault, for I haven't thought of you quite as a sister. It is confusing, and I didn't mean to add to it."
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Mercedes de las Aragonia
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Daughter of Rafael and Colette de las Aragonia
Posts: 1,546
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Post by Mercedes de las Aragonia on Oct 31, 2007 15:55:01 GMT -5
“It’s not your fault, not completely. Mama warned me this might happen.” I whispered. My body finally betrayed me, and I leaned into his caress, my hand falling away. “Is this… is this what it means to be D’Angeline? It’s just… I don’t know how to act.”
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