Back again and thinking

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I had mixed feelings on the night prior, perhaps it wasn't wise, or maybe that was just my wish. Can't say I didn't enjoy myself.

White Hart, I was here...again. I really need to find a better place to stay. I was so tired of living like a traveller, while brother got all the accouchments of royalty. I had to conserve what I have, until I could think of something better.

As I sat down to a cooked breakfast by the staff, along with some juice, which was rather refreshing, I contemplated how my negotitions around Azzalle were going to help me. That, and perhaps how I might look into getting some new cloths. Elua knows, they were a little out of date, at least in this city.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

So much had happened lately that I sometimes found myself coveted in guilt and floating on a cloud at the same time. I didn't know what to do about Gil, though in the very depths of me I knew there wasn't anything I could do, nor anything that I really should. And August... I still could hardly believe what had transpired between he and I.

I was taking a morning to help clear my head, going thrift shopping for small trinkets to send back to the children of my estate. They'd sent me a package of drawings that now adorned my office, decorating in a rather distasteful way to the eye of the nobility of the City... but I loved it, and them. I sent August an invitation to join me if he had the chance, though I wouldn't be upset if he had other obligations.

The sun had risen to the point where I'd mentioned that I would be at the White Hart should he be able to join, taking a break for a drink, the few items I'd picked up tucked in my waiting carriage. Pushing open the door to the White Hart, I let my eyes adjust and made my way in, looking about out of habit as I chose a seat near the wall. A face sparked memories, and though my gaze had already moved on I snapped it back, looking closer, my footsteps ceasing.

"Oh gods," I said softly, shock on my face as I looked at the countenance of one of my best childhood friends. "Sabriel?!"

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I was midway through eating a roasted ham, rather tasty, noting people entering and leaving. It was perhaps a late meal for me, but I didn't mind. Then I heard a voice cut across the squallor of the room, with my name.

I looked around, seeing a face staring at me with outright shock. I dimily remember the meat falling with no grace from my lips back onto the plate.

"Elua...Miri?!" I stammered in an equal tone, moving without thinking to get up.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I knew it was him. I knew it, and yet I still gasped when he turned, acknowledging me and looking almost as startled as I felt. Numbly, I noted the food that fell from his mouth uneaten, and I stared at it until I realized he was standing. "Oh gods, it is you!" I said, a smile suddenly appearing on my face. I couldn't think of anything at the moment except that it was him, the aged boy I mourned when he was sent away... Boy? Oh, no, not anymore. He was fully a man now, and far more haggard than I ever expected him to be.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I stood up. A smile lit my face. The people in the room be damned with their starring. "We'll don't just sit there, come over here and give me a hug!"

Here I was now contemplating who stood before me. She hadn't changed. And yet she wasn't the same person at all. I'd been sequestered as soon as I had gotten back, carrying Annabel. I don't think she ever saw what happened next. Nor the wrongful accusations against me, or my plea. Now I searched for the memory of the last time we had played together.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I laughed - I couldn't help it. I moved before I even thought about it, rushing to my one of my oldest childhood friends and tossing myself at him, arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "Oh gods Sabriel!" I gasped, smiling brightly over his shoulder. "I can't believe it's you!" My fingers knotted into his shirt as I hugged him, almost as if to assure myself that it really was him, to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I hugged her back with all the fierceness. "I missed you." was all I could say for a moment. After a time, I relented. "Where do we start?" was all I could blurt out. So much time had past, and no doubt so much had transpired between then and now.

She was still bubbly and nigh beautiful as ever. I'm glad one of us made it through the years with less turmoil that evoked itself on her.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I could feel my cheeks warm, and knew a blush stained them as I pulled back to look at him, still smiling. "I'm not sure," I said, my hands still holding lightly onto his shoulders. "I missed you too," was added in softer tones. "How have you been? Where have you been?"

I still couldn't believe it - Sabriel was standing before me, taller than I remember, and scruffy and worn, but still handsome, and still him.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

"Better, and around." I said at first, giving her immediate answers to steadier. I looked around finding a more secluded area, and picked up my plate. "Let's find a good seat, I imagine a lot of talking will be involved."

Wow, since when was this pragmatic. Guess I have gotten older. So many years passed, sundered from my grasp.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I withdrew as he moved to get his plate, my hands moving to smooth my dress out by habit. "I'll follow you," I said softly, glad my packages were in my carriage so I wasn't hassled with keeping track of them as well as relearning Sabriel.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I set my plate down, though as soon it was out of my hands, I pretty much forgot about it.
"So, you first. We parted on terms I've regretted for so long. What have you been doing. I've got all day." I was unusually calmer on the outside than it may seem. Perhaps also that nothing I could tell her right away would bring her good thoughts. No point spoiling a happy moment.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I took my seat and watched him as he sat, looking so much like August that it warmed my heart even more... And then a flash of guilt shot through me, and I blushed. August and Sabriel weren't friends, and August had acknowledged the nasty rumor I'd heard about Sabriel trying to unseat him, to take his title and... I didn't know. Suddenly, the person sitting across from me was a stranger, but one I loved and missed, and I could feel a war brewing in me.

Swallowing, I spoke, keeping it to the basic facts to keep it from being too long. "Well," I started out, "after... everything happened, I more or less just stayed quiet and studied. I stayed with the Trevalions until my eighteenth natal... two years past the time I was supposed to go back, but your mother and father were too worried, with my parents having died as they did." I glanced down a moment, then back up at him again. "I've fairly well stayed there since then until recently." I paused again, my eyes looking at his, trying to search him out. I didn't know how to tell him that August asked to court me, that I agreed. My cheeks were rosy still, but I paid them no mind.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

She was still positively adorable. Perhaps a little more demure though than a remember. I suppose with the burdens of adulthood, it must have developed. Of course she had that trouble, and she hadn't forgot, though she seems to have made some peace with it. As for my absence, I couldn't help but note how she danced around that troubling time, I could see she was still deeply affected by it; sensitive. At no point, did she mention August. I wonder what their connection was. She would have been in Azzalle while he was gone.

Still, I smiled. "And recently? The country couldn't contain your curiosity any longer I assume?" I said humorously.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

Sabriel.

I still couldn't believe I was sitting across the table from him, one of my oldest childhood friends. I felt an almost overpowering urge to reach over and touch his hand, to reassure myself that he was real and I hadn't dreamed of the hug. "No," I said, smiling softly at him. "I could have stayed there, but it was so very quiet after living with your parents for so long. My family had a townhome in the City as well, and I thought..." I trailed off, smiling and shrugging lightly. "I thought mayhap it was time for me to come to the City."

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

"I suppose it was something you could call your own then for a time. I can't blame you for that. Quite bustling I suppose." I finished off a final morsel, and pushed the plate to the side, and residual of my hunger subsiding. "So then what, have you gone back since, or stayed here till now. And what have you done in the city. Surely impressed royalty no doubt, am I right?" I was more than content to learn of her doings than recount my own.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

My cheeks rosy, I ducked my head a little, smiling, before I looked back at him again. "I've stayed in the City since I've arrived, though I'll be having to visit my estates again within a month, two tops." And the wall; how did I bring up August without alienating Sabriel? How would I tell August I saw Sabriel without angering him? I sighed; there was only one thing I could do. And I wouldn't lie about my love for Sabriels brother.

"August and I have gotten to know one another quite well again since I've arrived," I said, watching Sabriel sharply for reaction, though my expression never changed. "I think he's the only royalty I've manage to impress thus far," I added, my smile growing a little more.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

"I see." was all I could say at that last bit of information. It actually took me a moment to let it sink in. Still, it seemed resentment for him was as strong as ever, I dimly noted my knuckles clench white. It seemed almost poetic, how he would deprive me of knowing anyone I knew should I return.

I could only wonder how much she knew, and who's side was she on. Because I knew her, I bit my tongue, quelling any immediate reaction, instead giving a somber question, no doubt full of bitter sarcasm. "Couldn't find anyone else?"

[Mirielle Bellamont]

The sharpness of my watch clued me in first to the white of his knuckles and I braced myself, though what he said still stung, and hurt. I flinched from his words, thinking immediately of Gillermo and all the pain associated with him, before I finally turned my face away from Sabriel.

"I love him, Sabriel," I said, my voice undoubtedly reflecting the emotions within me. What else could I say?

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

Love. Love?!. "LOVE?!" I blurted it out unconsciously, the word I'd been saying in my head. I caught myself before going into a tyrade. I was afraid to move, afraid I might lash out, hurt something. It seemed at every turn, my brother lay another trap in front of me, baiting me to comsume myself in torment for some ficticious acusation.

"Honestly Mirielle, D'Angline or not, I think perhaps you use that word far to loosly given the circumstances."

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I flinched again as he blurted it out, my eyes snapping back to him and watching him as he sat frozen. I could see the shock and anger in his face... and until that point, I'd never really seen it. I swallowed hard, trembling slightly even as I tried to force myself not to.

But the next thing he said... That one truly did hurt. He knew me, had lived with me long enough that he should have known I never would have said it if I.. if I.. And gods, August might very well be upset with me for even sitting here with Sabriel, but they had both been my best friends, had both been the closest thing to family that I had after my parents died. My hand balled up into a fist, tangling in my skirts to keep from slapping him. I shook with hurt, with embarrassment of the stares of the people around us.

"I loved both of you equally, Sabriel," I said quietly, swallowing this time to choke back the tears. "Don't fault me for something that isn't my control. I never had anything to do with what happened between you and August."

With that, my chin lifted til I was looking levelly at him, and I refused to blink, knowing it'd only cause the line of water in my eyes to fall. "I missed you, Sabriel, but I won't be talked to like that."

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I bit my lip quietly, listening to her rebuke. It was hard to listen to her. Not physically, her voice was sweet, even when angry. No, it was hard to seeming be treated as such from someone who I though would understand my plight. Instead, I find that....

I turned my head away now, peering out a window. "Your half right you know. At least I would have thought. it wasn't your fault." I started, panning my vision to her, cheek turned. "Though, I would have thought that you would have had the presence of mind not to get involved like that knowing enough." I paused, "with either of us." I added for the sake of argument.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

My heart broke a little when he turned away, no matter the way I looked and spoke to him. I loved August, but Sabriel was my childhood friend too. I was there the day he brought back the woman who had torn them apart, remembered all too well what happened after that. A sob left me before I had a chance to catch it, and I turned my face towards the wall to hide the tears lining my features from everyone else in the room.

My eyes closed, I took a few long breaths before wiping the wetness from my cheeks and looking back at him. "That's the second time you've insulted me, Sabriel." My voice was as even as I could make it, but it hurt, the way he turned from me, the way he seemed to be writing me off . "Is hurting August the only thing you care about? Making him pay for something that happened years ago? You act like you're writing me off because I told you my affections. I told you the truth Sabriel. And you're shunning me."

The bitterness of it came through my voice at the end, and I was quickly beginning not to care that others were in the room.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I looked back at her, and something softned in me for a moment, her pain evident in her face. Still, it couldn't wash away what she'd done. "Mirielle, don't you understand, you, perhaps my most trusted friend, have fled into the arms of the man I detest more than anyone else I've known for the pain he put me through. How dare you compare my criticisms of your relationship to the insult you show me."

I let my gaze drop. In truth, I suppose I wasn't made at Mirielle solely. In someways, it was almost like loosing Annabel all over again. A close friend, a lover; both torn from me with conditions out of my hands. Only, it wasn't. The conditions were still very much in my control, if only I knew how to work them.

"Mirielle." I suspended my distasteful tone, if only briefly. "What did August tell you about that day?" I hoped that perhaps should she be disillusioned by improper truth that she might be willing to reconsider her standing in all of this.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

Again, his words were like a slap in the face to me, and I could feel my ire rising as quickly as the pain did. "Love as thou wilt, Sabriel," I snapped, my breath quaking in my lungs. "Don't you know how I mourned for you? Do you think I forgot about you when you left, that I spent my days running and laughing with August?" The bitterness was still strong in my voice, and I didn't bother wiping away the tears that fell now at the strong wave of hurt and emotions that were coursing through me. "I cried for days, for weeks. I cried for months after that awful day happened. I missed you so much, all these years, and now as soon as I find you..." I choked, sobbing softly before I was able to gain control of myself again.

His question was met with silence as I stared at him, trying to clear my head and knowing I was failing miserably. "We never really did," I answered as I looked at him. Gods, he looked so much like August that it hurt more, his handsome features contorted in all the emotions he was experiencing. "I can't speak for him, but I never wanted to relive that day. I wanted to remember things.. things as they were, before it, when nothing was wrong."

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I suppose that card would be played, that truism of our nation. Still, it seemed that she was trying to demonstrate by some twist of fate that she was hurt more than anyone else. "That's right Mirielle. Years. " I turned my head my other cheek to her, the one branding that scar that August gave me. "I'm sure you never saw it before, but here was August's love toward me on that day. I was given this for no fault of my own, and instead of sympathy I was cast away, alone."

I shook my head at the sheer volume of it. "Part of me is thankful for your grief Mirielle, but another part," I paused, trying so hard to choose the right words, "Is offended that you think I could so easily forget the matter when it was nigh only my bitterness for that man that kept me going so far from home. I relived that day a thousand over during my exile." I hissed at the word, contempt housed for it. "So can you really blame me, someone returning to his homeland, looking upon it with reminiscent eyes only to see all that he loved and treasured twisted out of recognition."

I wasn't taking of just Mirielle by now as I lay my head down in agony of the weight of my own words, some I'd written to myself in poems those forgettful days. They still held truth for me, and it hurt.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

As I listened to him, I felt my anger melt away a little, though it didn't lessen any of the hurt I felt. Part of it I knew was still-raw feelings from what had happened that day, but part of it too was how he'd treated me after I had told him of August. I hadn't expected him to be happy for me, or to shrug it off, but neither did I deserve to be treated like he'd done.

"I never said I thought you could forget what happened, and neither did I insinuate it," I responded, fighting like mad to keep my voice even. "Am I twisted beyond what you knew, Sabriel? You were happy to see me before I told you, and now I feel like I'm.. I'm cast aside, tainted because of how my heart feels." My pride stiffened and I forcibly ignored it. His head was lowered, and he looked so... defeated. Tears stained my cheeks still as I watched him, silence rolling in and coating our small table.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you Sabriel," I said softly. "I wish I could change things, wish I could give you back what you lost." My hand stretched tentively, fingers half extended and half curled, afraid of him rebuking it. Gently I touched his hair as his head remained down, brushing his dark locks in a prelude to comfort. I didn't even know if he wanted to look at me anymore, let alone have me touch him.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

Why her I thought. The one person I thought should I see again would understand my ploy, and maybe aid me. I felt her touch then to try and recapture that friendship. "But..." I started out. I wouldn't cry, I'd left all my tears on Azalleze soil.

"What am I supposed to do?!" I pleaded through muffled arms.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I closed my eyes for a few seconds. Oh sweet Elua, give all three of us direction and strength.

He didn't pull away from me, or even seem to mind my touching his hair. I continued it, brushing back his locks still a little gingerly, but in soft, gentle motions that left my fingertips touching his temple at times. "That's not something I can answer, Sabriel," I said softly, using my other hand to scrub the remainder of tears from my face. "I know what I want, but I don't know if it'll ever happen."

I wanted peace, for there to be an end to the hatred that had coursed through the Trevalion family since that day. How could I say that, though? It would do no good anyway. Both August and Sabriel always were stubborn; it was one of the reasons why I loved them so much.

[Prince Sabriel de Trevalion]

I pulled my head up out of Mirielle's touch. I felt kind of dazed. It seemed like that happiness of seeing her was long ago in the past, even when I knew it was mere minutes behind me. It wasn't fair. August took everything from me that day, and he hadn't any sort of dignity to quell his hunger after I declined to come back since. He just stole every piece of my past he could.

I brought my gaze back down, though I as much looked through Mirielle as at her. "What has August been up to lately?" I said through a defeated sigh.

[Mirielle Bellamont]

I slowly brought my hand back as he pulled away and sat up, noting the look on his face, how he didn't even seem to focus on me. He looked at me, but it was false somehow. And when he asked, he focused on August again, and the only reason why I could imagine was to gain information on him. I couldn't do that to August, and I wouldn't have done it to Sabriel had the roles been reversed.

I pulled my hand back the rest of the way, my patience beginning to wear thin. For Sabriel, I bent, and I bent again. For Sabriel, I allowed the transgressions on my honor, on my feelings. But gods, I couldn't take much more. Didn't he realize I was here for him? I hadn't left because of him? I knew he hurt, but he wasn't the only one, and he acted as if he were.

"I'm afraid that is something you're going to have to ask him," I said softly, tucking my hands in my lap.