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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 21, 2006 13:36:26 GMT -5
She didn't press me for information as she lead me to the Cockerel. I'd been here before, who hadn't? We managed to find a secluded table and a bar maid brought us drinks. I sipped the cool mead I'd ordered and thought for a while before speaking.
"I'm under house arrest right now. I went to see Evangeline a few days ago, and it went badly. So badly in fact, that I spent the next several days drinking and fighting until the City Guard hauled me back. Heliotrope has been fined and I am in disgrace. And Evangeline is a heartless child. That about sums it up. And Considering all this, I am just dandy." A wry half smile. I was anything but. I took another needed sip of mead.
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 21, 2006 13:49:48 GMT -5
With my elbow resting on a table and my head resting on my hand I calmly took in what he said, taking a sip of my own mead. "It sounds like you've been busy, and it explains why I haven't heard from you. I'm sorry things have been going so poorly, but why didn't you talk to someone before you did something so careless? I can't speak for anyone else, but I would have listened."
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 21, 2006 14:17:11 GMT -5
She looked so casual and attentive all at the same time. And the soft reproach in her eyes made me want to squirm.
"I'm not the talking type. People, you, may listen, but oft times, I can't, or won't speak. Perhaps I should have spoken to someone, but I couldn't. How do you have a conversation with someone about a woman who infuriates you, mystifies you, and who you think you may love? How do you explain to a friend you're not even sure you know what love is? I'm not good with words, I don't open up and share things. This, right now, is painful, but not as painful as Evangeline." I sighed, put my head in my hands and took a few deep breaths before looking at Jess again.
"So forgive me for being careless."
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 21, 2006 14:25:17 GMT -5
"There's nothing to forgive, your choices and life are your own- I just worry about my friends," I said, caught somewhere between concillatory and snappy. "Love just is, there is no rhyme or reason, or so they say. Talking is the same way, you just decide and then you do it. You can't spend your whole life second-guessing and wondering, my friend- if life offers you happiness, take it, for Elua's sake! Evangeline is just as torn up as you are, if I have any eyes at all- her eyes have no light and she doesn't even sneer or act condescending anymore. If you two are over, than be done with it, but don't brood."
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 21, 2006 14:48:50 GMT -5
Evie was miserable? Good. I wanted it to gnaw at her very soul, as it did mine.
"She's the one who said it was over. She keeps demanding things I just don't think I can give right now. And the impatient chit refuses to wait. Elua's Balls! I can't just say 'I love you' on demand. It is not over."
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 22, 2006 19:54:42 GMT -5
Getting a pained look on my face I pinched the bridge of my nose to alleviate the headache I could feel developing. "Well, she is a noble known for acting a bit spoiled- but you are also a bit repressed. Things might be conflicted with such different personalities. Do neither of you know how to compromise?"
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 28, 2006 16:11:01 GMT -5
I opened my mouth to angrily protest. Of course I could compromise!
Instead I snapped my jaw shut and took a deep breath.
"No. I don't, and she's too used to getting her way to compromise. Damn! This is just all so... messy. I hate how I feel right now, I hate her for making me feel this way, and I hate that she's what I need to feel...better. I don't know what to do, except see her again and try and fix this." I ran my hand through my hair and wanted to pull it out in my frustration. I hated this so much.
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 28, 2006 16:28:08 GMT -5
My lips pressed together in a line of sympathy. "I'm sorry it can't be clean-cut and nice, but in the end the hardest battles are the ones most worth winning, and the only sure way to lose a battle is by not fighting it at all. Hold true to what you feel and see, trust your instincts, and everything will be alright." I hated seeing him so tormented, be in the end it was he and Evie's masks that were doing it, and they were doing it as much to themselves as each other. The illusions had to be broken.
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 28, 2006 16:58:08 GMT -5
"My instincts? I don't have any except for survival. I don't know a lot about people, about women, and especially about Evangeline. I love her, or think I do, but what does it mean? I have nothing to offer her except flesh and pretty adept's ways. I have nothing of value to give her. My heart? My love? What good will they stand her, she who has had everything since birth. Gods, Jess, I would make her a laughingstock, and I can't... I can't bear the thought."
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 28, 2006 17:12:48 GMT -5
Bemused, I looked at him in amazement. "You have instincts, everyone does- we are d'Angeline, for Elua's sakes, and you even moreso than me! You just don't know how to listen to them, after stifling them for so long.
"Evangeline may have been raised with everything- but not with you. She has everything but that. You know what to do, you just have to have the courage to do it. Do you think she is so weak she can't stand up to some laughter if she chooses? Her courage is as great as yours. The strength is there if you will just take it."
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Jul 29, 2006 21:19:12 GMT -5
I ran my hand through my hair again, thinking furiously on everything she had said.
"But what if she hates me for it eventually? I couldn't bear it. And in truth, are my instincts telling me what I want, or what I feel. Elua's Balls! I hate this uncertainty. And you're right, and I almost hate that too. Where did you learn all this? And why haven't I?"
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Jul 29, 2006 21:39:29 GMT -5
"If she hates you for it, at least you will know for sure and the uncertainty will be gone," I said with a smile. "And if you listen, you will know- you will, trust me on that."
Where did I come by this knowledge- how did I know these things? I didn't know, but I did know they were true. "You haven't learned because you've been hiding, Jaynx- behind your House, behind your apathy, behind your facades- all of that is not the total of what you are, but you want it to be. You learn by watching and doing." Reaching out a hand I ran it through his hair with a slight smile. "I dare you to live, Jaynx. Can you?"
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Aug 4, 2006 12:13:16 GMT -5
I cringed and sighed, listening to her. I didn't want to hear any of it, because I knew it was all true. But listen I did.
"I'll try. I'll probably fail at it, as I have so many other things in my life but I'll try. She's worth it. Thank you, Jessamine, for everything." It was hard to look at her, I rarely asked for things, for help, and this was so very difficult.
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Aug 4, 2006 12:18:01 GMT -5
"This is what friends do," I told him with a smile. "There's no need to thank me. I'm only hoping I've managed to help in some small way."
Noting my mug was empty I considered getting another and then remembered that Jaynx still had a costume to find and had snuck out to do so. "You go and find your costume and get back to Heliotrope before someone misses you. I'll see you at the Masque. My sister is coming into town and she'll be there with me."
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Aug 4, 2006 12:33:12 GMT -5
Jess made my heart ache and my throat swell shut. It was very seldom I made friends and she... I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her smiling mouth. "You have helped, and I'll always thank you for it, my Lady Fair." Smoothly I sat back down and ran my fingers through my hair. I gave her a lopsided grin to alleviate some of the seriousness of our conversation.
"So, how shall I recognize my dearest friend, aside from your hair, so I can claim a dance? You already know I'll be an owl."
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Aug 4, 2006 12:37:20 GMT -5
"I'll be going as my own true self, a fairy through and through, veiled as the Fair Ones are wont to do and dressed in the green of spring leaves. I'll even have wings." Smiling at his grin and and the lightness that seemed to have brightened his demeanor somewhat I added, "Also, I will probably have gotten on almost everyone but my sister and Caraf's nerves."
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Post by Janyx nó Heliotrope (I) on Aug 4, 2006 17:14:54 GMT -5
"Nor mine. You are too dear to me. save me a dance, Lady Fair. I have to run." I stood and went to her, encircling her in my arms and hugging her tightly.
"And you will be the Fairest Lady at the Masque, I'm sure of it. Rumor has been floating around all the Houses that the Duchesse Shahrizai is gifting the fairest lady at the ball with a prize. My vote is with you, even though my Sparrow is first in my heart. Take care Jess." I pressed another kiss to her temple and swiftly left. My things should be arriving soon and I had much to plan in order to avoid being caught and punished further.
Evangeline and the night to come danced teasingly through my thoughts.
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Post by Jessamine de Mornay on Aug 4, 2006 17:19:26 GMT -5
Smiling at his flattery I returned his hug and then watched him walk out, a more cheerful and pleasant person, and it was good to see. Signalling the waitress I ordered myself a mead in celebration and sipped it, thinking on the Masque.
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