Making Marriage Convenient [Castiel]

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

With all of the drama and chaos of this morning so far I wasn't sure that I wanted to have a conversation about whatever obligations would likely be leveled on me at this point- but I did want to tell my husband what I expected so it looked like I'd have to endure or simply look like I was giving in. I was tired, my head hurt and the altercation with his sister had left me angry, temperamental and bitter. Castiel wasn't the focus of my irritation but it was there nevertheless and would probably get vented at some point.

But at least after this I could find out where I would be bathing, open a bottle of wine and do just that. Hopefully without his sister bursting in and tantruming at me, and then afterward I could have someone go after my things and sleep wherever my room was. At this point I doubted I'd be bedding down with him every night.

If I did his sister might murder me or something anyway and I wasn't willing to die yet, even if it would have at least stopped the headache.

As we went into the sitting room I gave Castiel a look, then moved over to the sidebar and picked up two glasses and a bottle of brandy, pouring each of them half-full and putting everything right before I brought them over to where Castiel was. Old habits die hard I suppose, and if nothing else I was a good hostess. "Finally alone," I said with a slightly wry smile before I took a sip. "What's the first order of business then?"

[Castiel de Bonnel]

The day had been a whirlwind. I was still al little shocked, my brain was fuzzy, although at teh same time it felt overloaded wtih thoughts, images. I shook my head, trying to dislodge some of teh cobwebs that seemed to have grown in my mind, and sighed heavily. What on earth had we gotten ourselves into? And though I was full of indignation and anger at teh situation before, adn at Liselle, now I ... I pitied her. I had no idea my family affairs were as terrible as they had shown themselves to be, and I was embarassed for it. It was not how I had pictured things going at all. I thought they would get on, and if not, they would have acted as strange cats, sniffed one another and been quietly wary, but Des had thrown a fit, something I had not seen before, and Liselle had reacted calmly enough, considering the events.

I entered into the drawing room first, sitting myself down, plunking myself down really with no finesse or art. i was tired, and everythign seemed to hurt, including my brain. I watched as liselle walked to a side bar, pouring two glasses, and smiled, half chuckling as I shook my head. But by the Gods I felt I needed a drink, or two, or ten. When she approached, she smiled, joking, perhaps a little too soon, on the situation at hand. I whinced, just slightly, but did not burst out angrily. My anger had been spent, and I just wanted to be calm and collected once more.

"I think the first order of business," I said as I reached for my drink with a soft thank you, "is to apologize for the way I acted, and for teh way Des... well.. for Des. This is not how I pictured things going at all, not just with getting married, but with everything that happened afterwards. I did not treat you properly, Liselle, and I really am sincerely sorry for that," I said as I reached for her hand to hold it.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

He almost seemed to relax at the drink, which surprised me somewhat, since earlier he'd seemed so objectionable to the idea of doing so. Then again a Casseline would probably have wanted a good romp after this just to abate some of the tension, so why wouldn't he want to get some more alcohol in his blood to dim the pain? If he felt as tired as he looked there was going to be a good deal for him to soothe his nerves of. Then again if I looked as tired as he did I would have to stock up on cosmetics for this house.

The more he spoke the more I had to remind myself that he was feeling pitiful and while that made me more temperamental toward the world it seemed to make him apologetic, which soothed my nerves but rankled my mind somewhat. What would he do when he was done with me, go to his sister's room and make the same apology, hoping that it would settle things? She was completely mad as far as I could tell and needed to go somewhere far from society before she could cause more embarrassment.

But I still looked at him with some wary surprise as he took my hand, and sat down rather than shaking it off. Marriage, what did that mean anyway? Obviously I wasn't supposed to treat him like one of my lovers or one of my few close friends, but all I knew was what I had seen of my parents and those couples I'd scorned at countless fetes. "I'm sure it's alright, this is a surprise for all of us," I replied nonchalantly, the mask of disinterest slipping back into place by reflex. "Besides, no permanent wounds were involved and you did surprise me by not throwing me under the carriage. Perhaps you like me a little after all?"

There really was far less bitterness in my tone than usual, though I wasn't sure if it was something he would have heard so early, and I was a bit uncomfortable with it myself so I simply took another drink from my own glass before continuing. "I should probably apologize for not being softer as well, and for having a temper anyway."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

"We are who we are," I murmured, eleasing her hand after stroking it gently. I turned to face away from her, to face ahead, my elbows on my knees as I brought my galss to my lips and took a deep drink of the brandy, feelin gthe sweet burn of it. "And though there were no lasting physical wounds," I shook my head. "I do not knwo waht to say. Something is unsettled in me, in this household, and IN Des, and though she had no right ot act as she did, I do not want her harming herself because of me, or us, or anything," I shook my head again. We had so many things to talk about, but the situation this morning presented seemed to loom over everything, over our pending future. I would not leave Liselle, not for a tantrum, but now I realised I did not know des at all, the sister I had grown up with, had taken care of and loved almost like a daughter, I knew nothing of her, and had to wonder how much I did not know about my new wife, considering I had known her a considerable amount of time less. "But thank you for your apology," I murmured, "something tells me you are not used to giving them so easily," I said with a soft, somewhat playful smile as I turned my gaze on her once again. "I handle business so well, you understand," I said to her, "but this... I've never been very good with relationships, never noticed anything. If a woman had her sights on me, it would take a slap in teh face for me to know it, so recognizing other's emotions is a hard thing, except I thoguht with Des, but if I don't even know her, and I've known her her whole life," i said, giving voice to the thoughts that had run through my mind, "it begs to reason that I know even less about you, and now that we are married, an you are my wife, we need ot figure each other out... truly we do," I sighed. I felt too tired for this conversation, too... dejected. Today was supposed to end up being joyous, I had images in my minds eye of what should have been, how they would have gone out shopping, how they would have returned, coming through teh door laughing adn smiling with far too many purchases, but both feeling eh better for it. And then I rememberd the little bracelette I had bought Des, to soften the blow, but which I held on to. In a matter of hours my entire life had been thrown upside down, and everything I thought I knew was put under a questioning light.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

It was easy enough to listen as he spoke, and I had to get used to the cadence of his voice and into the habit of interpreting what he was really saying from the words that actually left his throat. At least I was used to that for my own reasons, though from Castiel's ways I could guess he wouldn't want to hear about them overly much. But for now he wasn't angry at me and that was enough. Thinking too much seemed like a lot of effort that I couldn't afford to make unless I wanted to increase my headache by another two octaves of pain.

And now he wanted to figure me out, though both of us were tired and likely close to bad tempers? My husband's sense of time could use work on these sort of matters even if it was just fine in others. I'd have to know him though and watching him react to what I said and how he answered my questions would tell me what I needed to know to live in his house. "No, I'm not much used to apologies, either giving or receiving them," I replied easily, because it was the truth and a pretty lie was too much to keep straight.

Turning to face him somewhat more I watched him carefully, and though I watched him carefully I kept a pleasant smile on my face by habit. "You were hoping for a different morning," I continued after a moment.Likely without me in it. "But now it's over and you probably have things you're expecting from me, but I have no idea what they are. I don't even know whether you've been married before and that's why your sister had a meltdown. More to drink?"

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I finished my glass as she spoke and handed it to her. i was listening truly I was, but it was as though I could not focus, my eyes looked at her, but looked through her, and I shook my head, but murmured a yes to her question.

"I have not been married, never been married. it has always just been myself and Des, well, at least after our parents passed. I was 18 and spent years working on the family business, ensuring our buyers that things would not falter under my hand, and improving business to the point that they trusted me as much as they did my father, and fregained trust in the quality of our exports. And through that time it was just the two of us, an dthe maids and servants and the like in the house, and we had lived in Kusheth. And then I came here, seeking a wife becuase I was finally able to breathe and realised there was so much missing from my life. Des... she never wanted to come here, said that the City was not something that intrigued her, and that she would not need anyone but me to look after her, though I knew those were 18 year old. But I thought she would have been fine with it," I said, shaking my head. "Apparently I was wrong." I sighed, feeling terribly saddened by everything. I had it in my right mind to return to Kusheth until things got better, but i knew that running away from the situation was a cowardly thing to do, and I still had much business to deal with in teh City. "So now you know this about me. As for what I expect," I shrugged, "I do not know. Even though I came looking a wife, I am also thinkig I am not too far off in saying that what has ahppened to us did happen rather quickly and off-the-cuff. I doubt it is what you were expecting, for it surely was not what I expected, but at teh same time, I am not really put off by it, truly. You are a lovely girl, from waht I know of you, with a bit of a firey temper," I said, focusing my eyes on her now as I smiled a bit, "but I know not if you had a beau you had your heart set on before last night, or if men were courting you that you are loathe to give up," my mind went ot Lillianne, and I sighed gain, "as I guess you must be wondering the same about me."

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

I'd already finished my own drink by now and I took his empty glass as well as my own back over to the sidebar as he spoke, filling the glasses with a grace borne more by habit than attention. If I'd been in a more sincerely bad temper I might have made a mess on purpose but for now it was easier just to do what was expected as long as it didn't put me to any more work. For now Castiel seemed like the sort to respond to soft words and pouting so why yell and make things confrontationally difficult? Or was I only looking for excuses not to fight?

Right now I didn't care one way or the other, so long as the glasses stayed full. My nerves were already starting to soothe somewhat and I had no inclination to deliberately prickle them again.

He went on about his sister some more and I let that pass for now, putting another smile on my face before I turned back around and walked over to the couch, sliding the now completely full glass into his hand before I sat down. "So long as your sister doesn't intend to kill me in my sleep she's your family and I doubt she will consent to let a bottom-feeder condescend to speak to her," I replied coolly, then took another drink. "But you are right so far, I don't know what you expect and you don't know what I do. Luckily I'm a simple creature by nature with little depth to speak on."

From his sigh though I could tell there was more to his statement about beaus and I smiled a bit more wryly, then cocked my head and tapped a fingernail against my glass. "For the sake of saving much embarrassment I think you telling me would be good, yes. I'd hate to run into your other lovers before you had the chance to break them the news."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

She brought me my glass and though I had hardly noticed, slipped it into my hand, which responded more out of habit and not wanting to hear glass break than out of the fact that I was paying much attention. I turned to face her, drawing one leg up on the couch, and sitting so my foot rested beneath me. She still had a smile on her lips, but I wondered how much of that smile were real and how much was painted on for my benefit - or for the benefit of the situation. But I did not think long on it as her words made my brows raise quickly and a nervous laugh trickle fro mmy lips before I could busy my mouth with taking a long - very very long - draught of the brandy.

"I did not mean... that I was galavanting about... I don't have women," I protested, and then sighed again. She was right, it was best to get it out now before thinks became worse, or siutations presented themselves for further embarassment. "Just you and... one other girl," I said, my voice was soft as my eyes fell from her face and I moved, slightly uncomfortable in my skin at teh moment. "You and Lillianne."

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Well, I'd planned on sipping this glass but from the way the conversation was going maybe a few longer drinks in between would be for the best. As it was I could see his skepticism, then the dismay, and the way he almost babied the other name he said. So that was where his heart lay, and while I could have been competitive or jealous what was the point? No one had said I was an ideal anything and I wasn't planning on putting effort into becoming the happy wife, coddling and petting and being always home with that glass of whatever drink was on hand when he came home. Let him find that somewhere else and leave me to my fun, I was too young, too pretty and too ambitious to ever consider playing that game for long, and not unless there was an actual benefit in it.

"Only one? That's a shame," I said with a bit of forced nonchalance as I took another drink of my own, flipping some hair behind my shoulder once I was done. "I do have a few more lovers but since I'll be having my own suite at least we shouldn't have to worry about a complicated bedding schedule, right?" And with how this was going perhaps I'd be picking some more up along the way. My hand had clenched slightly around my glass but at least I was always graceful and not throwing it. Now I just had to find out who I would be expected to behave like to get my way.

As unsatisfying as that entire business sounded right now.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

My eyes went bright. How many lovers did this girl have? I started to speak but stopped, taking a sip from my glass. She was hurt... or maybe not, maybe I was attempting to read her all wrong and she truly did not care, which was worse. I hung my head finding my sadness deepened.

"I suppose you have it all figured out then. Infidelity from teh start. And that is jut how we will be then?" I asked her, looking at the floor, locking my gaze there. "I did not mean my words to sound so... brash and harsh if they did. I did not say that I intended to keep lovers, just that I had one other aside from you before... before this," I said, raising my hands. I felt the brandy slowsh over the brim of the glass, and sighed, not really caring much about it. "But if you think it best, if that is what you wish, to have as many lovers as you like in your... in your bed, in your quarters, chambers, whatever you will, then I suppose I cannot stop you." I could feel something... not anger, precisely, but something rise up in me as I turned my gaze on her. "Are we doomed? To leave a loveless marriage? Will we not even try?" And though I said these words, a part of me was elated that I might be able to still see Lillianne, though she might not have me at least the prospect was there, and then I felt terrible for thinking it. "Bloody bollocks," I muttered under my breath before downing the remainder of my glass swiftly.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

He looked back at the floor and I couldn't see his features anymore, so I simply gave up trying to read them and took another drink, feeling the warmth of it running down my throat and into my stomach. Was he trying to fool me or could he really be so sentimental? For some reason the latter made me feel somewhere close to guilt and that was both uncomfortable and irritating. What did I care what his motivations were? I liked attention and so long as he wanted to dote on me I should let him.

But then he would invariably decide I was too much work anyway and find a way to be unfaithful so what difference did it make whether it was sooner or later? Better to be good at business and make the negotiations in a way we both should have known, or was he not even going to do that as well?

"I didn't realize a marriage like ours would have such a thing as infidelity," I replied, forcing my jaw and and to relax as my nerves prickled to life again. I wasn't trying? What about him, with his demon sister and his self-righteousness as though he's been simpering his affection to me rather than being just as jaded and rushed in all of this as I was? Already I could hear some annoyance entering my tone. "I always have my own room and I doubt you'd want to share one with me. What would you liek me to try, my husband? Pretending harder? We saw how that worked this morning."

Actually it had gone better than I thought it would but I wouldn't admit that. "I don't know if you're jealous but I'm certainly not." With that I stood up and started to pace on the rug, finishing the cup in my hand before I changed direction to simply go and pick up the bottle from its place.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

Well, that did not go as smoothly as I thought. And it only made me wonder if she had harboured any affection for me at all or if... if.. no I musnt even think it.. if Des was right? No. I was not a meal ticket. I knew that much. Didn't I?

"Yes, well, just because you;ve always had your own room doesn't mean it shall remain that way. You had not always been married either, I am assuming," I looked at her as she paced then went to the brandy again. My own glass was empty and I wondered if she would return to sit by me or if she would prefer to stand by it. Perhaps it made a better companion. Warm adn sweet, and never complaining.

"Then what do you propose we do. Certainly this is not the best situation for all involved. I am not jealous, but i have never had reason to be, and have never been in a situation like this, either. Apparently we need to come to some sort of terms that meets both of our desires. I for one would not like my wife to be sleeping with men that she might end up running away with. Then again," I sighed. "I don't know what to say to you Liselle. I do not love you, you do not love me, but I will not deny that there are strong feelings, at least on my side, for you, and I would assume the same, or else we could have this quietly nullilfied and only we and the priest would ever know about it," I said. "And no harm no foul. But here we aer, and it appears we both want to make this work. I want to make it work, because, well aside from that you threatened me eearlier," I said, chuckling at it, "aside from that I like you. Do you like me? DO you see anythign working between us or will we be pretending all the time, with fake smiles, forced laughs, cold intimacy?" though I could not claim we had ever had cold intimacy. everytime we had been intimate had been passionate, not unfeeling and rigid.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

As he spoke I set my cup down and picked up the bottle of brandy, looking it over- oh, still half full. That was probably a good sign. Not having my own space was something that was new to me and rankled a bit, but for some reason he seemed to be against it, and as I listened I heard why. Run away to what? Leave with who? I had lovers but aside from Gabriel, who was a friend as well, none of them were more than fun and attention, ways to have my control and my pleasure without complications. Marriage was inherently complicated and it looked like I would have little escape at all.

I turned around and started back at the couch, the bottle still in my hand, and while he continued talking I took another drink and sat down, not even caring if my gown was mussed. This was my second day wearing it and I was starting to feel sticky in it, and for some reason the brandy was only making that sensation far more acute. At least he admitted he didn't love me, which at least meant he would be honest in private, and that was far more important than the sting those words carried.

"Strong feelings?" I asked with a confused mix of nonchalance and bemusement. "I don't even know what that means." And I really didn't, and I set my jaw against the indignity of that confusion. Why had I even made that statement to begin with rather than just quietly moving for an annulment? I didn't even know the answer to that question and it perturbed me even more. "Do you think I'd agree with all of this if I didn't like you somehow? But what difference does liking make? What difference does affection make? Soon enough you'll get bored of me and I'll be shuffled off to my own room anyway, with servants and money to keep me quiet and trotted out to make my pretty appearances, and I will. And I'll do the work for the estate and bear the children until I'm shuffled off to the country again."

The more I spoke the larger the lump in my throat got until I didn't know who I was talking to anymore, or about what, and I forced myself to take a deep breath and refilled his glass the same as ever. Always the good hostess. All the while I was thinking, what good will me liking you do me then? It never did at any other moment, even if you are handsome and you defended me, even if I would rather think you wouldn't do that.

"I am trying. I don't want a fake life. But that's what life is."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I listened to her speak, listen to her fears and stories unravel, and I wondered really were these words for me? Had I given her any reason to think that I would become bored of her at all, and if i did did she think me the sort of man to not care for her so, or to care for her so little, that I would do such a thing as send her off to keep her away while I tried to live my life without her? I could feel my pulse quicken, my heart beat harder in my chest, even as she sat and poured more brandy into my class. My fingers held strongly to it, knuckles going white as I grit my teetch together, my jaw set and clenched tightly.

"Life is not about lies, my life is not about lies. I would rather not have to put up appearances, but I think it would harm both of our reputations for the entirety of Terre d'Ange to know that we eloped on some drunken whim," I said through clenched teeth, running my hand through my locks, raking my nails against my skin as I tried to ease the tension within. "I do not know who would send someone away like that, and would get bored of someone... especially their wife, or husband, to act in such a way, and if you think I am that sort of man, then I am terribly sorry for you, because you would truly know nothing about me and be a terrible judge of character," I snapped, my words not overly boisterous or loud, or angry, but cilpped. It was obvious I was hurt by what she had said, but even I did not know why it hurt so much. I suppose I just wanted everything to work out for the better. "And if you are so inclined to keep lovers, and a separate room, then who am I to stand in your way. I've made my case, and if you still feel the same about it, then" and i shrugged then, "then that is how it shall be. But do not think I will be content listening to you bed yoru lovers down teh hall from me while I am in, just as I would not think, or I would hope you like me enough, that you should not like to hear the same," I said, taking a large draught from my glass before crossing my arms as I leaned back against the couch.

"Truly? Send you away, really?" I mutter, laughing snidely under my breath as I shook my head.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

He was getting angry, I could see it in the clench of his jaw and the way his hands tensed, and I had to wonder where that would lead. I'd seen a more violent side of him earlier with the thrown bottle and the way he'd grabbed my wrist, but that only made me want to egg him on more. Let him hurt me. I could take it, and I would, and then when that streak of morality showed back up again I'd watch him puzzle it out and see if he decided I deserved it or if he was wrong. They always chose the former. It was never about what was really right, it was about whether or not they could spin it in their favor.

Right now my own anger was simmering along with my confusion as he continued to speak, and his harsh words cut me to the quick- but then I wasn't so weak that a bit of cutting would make me yield. No, it made me want to be sharper, harsher, better, more fierce, to cut back. Maybe that's what being Camaeline was, to always need the biggest sword or the fiercest attack, whether that was on the field or in the ballroom- or the bedroom.

"Yes, I can see how honest you are," I replied softly, my words honeyed poison. "Your sister is exactly as you described her, demure and sweet, obviously too gentle and quiet-natured to wear something as ostentatious as my extravagant tastes would choose. Your appearances are indeed very important to you, but then you have a reason to keep up appearances." Surely your sister must be damaging enough to them that someone in your family has to appear sane at all times.

For a moment I paused to keep myself from shaking with rage and took another drink from the bottle I held, not caring if it was exactly decorous or not. After all, we were married and he seemed vehement that he not be seen as anything less than a paragon of virtue, and as I thought on his words regarding 'what type of people would do that' I couldn't help the bitter laugh that left my throat. "And all sorts of men have their wives and then others, as many as there are days in a week. You can't say you haven't been alive long enough to see that. For the bedrooms, I'm only used to having my own, a place to keep my things and play with gowns and perfumes, a boudoir. Perhaps I'm not asking for it right is all, it's not as though I'm exactly used to how you expect a marriage to work."

Underneath this though there was still the anger at his mocking laughter though, and my hand clenched on the bottle I held. I wanted to scream, to break things, to know that I was at least making an impact. After all it had worked for his 'darling sister'.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

"Yes well, Liselle, I am not most men, I am sure last night's actrions tell enough for at least that to fall truthfully upon your ears, hmm?" I queried, my eyes swinting until they were bare slits. She was egging me on, I knew, though I could tell there was some seriousness in what she said, adn belief in it too. "I am not teh type to discard someone. it is not how I was brought up, as I regard human beings as.. well human beings, not as items that can be owned, and then thrown away or sold on a moment's whim. That may be how your family, or your lovers, or whoever you spend time with function, but not I," I said. "and as for my sister," I growled, seethign now as I gripped the glass harder. I did not care if it broke in my grip, cut my hand open, I am sure she'd have some choice comparison's to make then, "I have never seen her act like this ... ever! She was never anything but qwuiet, though she did speak her mind with me, and did have a streak of sadness and anger in her, who doesnt? I figured that to be normal, but the behaviour she displayed tonight," I shook my head, "whhether you believe me to be speaking the truth or not, I have never been privy to it, until this very day," I muttered. "As for your own room, like I said, have what you will. If the rooms are there, then take them. Just leave me mine, and leave Des hers," I added. I could feel myself wanting to close up, just to wave off wahtever she wanted, give it to her to be done with this conversation, with the constantly being angry. "And take as many lovers as you will," I added, noticing that she had not mentioned that again, "and have them in your boudoir or bedroom, or wherever you will, just not within my sight, or that of my sisters. I am sure that is a decent enough request." I finished teh brandy and tossed the glass onto the table before pressing my palms to my eyes as I slowed my breathing and tried to calm myself. I did not enjoy being angry, but when threatened, in any way, it did come out, and even moreso when it came to matters of family, or my estate and wellbeing.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

The more anger ran through him the more brightly mine burned. What right did he have to be so insufferably superior and pompous and sounding so noble? That wasn't real, it was never real, and the stubborn way he stuck to his story made me even more angry. I didn't even know why but it did. Maybe it was because it was hard to reconcile all of these different faces of him I'd seen and sort it out under a hangover, stress and even more alcohol. I should have known better when he was comforting me yesterday before this whole mess came to be. No one really ever cares what anyone else is feeling, not unless they're fools.

But he'd defended me, so was he a fool, or was he just better than me at this game?

Even still though his anger came while I sat and listened, seething within myself as he brought up the one topic I'd avoided because I didn't know how to respond to it. What he'd said before had been a challenge- you don't take any lovers and I won't, and if you do it must be under these conditions. I hated rules, so I would just as easily not taken any, and in fact far more easily than I would have acceded in the past because he'd had yet to bore me, and because I wanted to see what came from that.

The way he kept on though it was as though he needed a immediate answer and that rankled. I hated this not being able to think for two seconds without him driving home another point just to prove how right he was, and how disappointed I was in this moment that he hadn't just tried asking me in a calm tone. I missed that way that some people had of looking outside of themselves at exactly the right time to get to the core of the matter, though most of the time I saw it as intensely annoying.

I hated what he was doing to my mind and everything else, and because I didn't know what else to do I took the bottle and threw it, following the movement with a shout as I stood up, eyes blazing. "You are an insufferably selfish prat!" I told him as I wheeled around and fixed him with my gaze. "Always acting like it's just because I don't know you when you don't know me either, or what I'm used to seeing, or even whether or not I want to keep this going! Fine, I won't have a room, and we won't keep lovers- if you can last it out, so can I. If I can't have love I will win at the game of faking it and we'll see how that suits you. I'll follow your rules- let's see if all of that patient nobility will make you follow them yourself."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I did not care about hte bottle, or the dark liquid now staining the floor, but that she stood, with some real, true emotion, and yelled at me, barking words at me, and I just shook my head, sitting there.

"If you do not want to be here, and with me, then there is no need for you to suffe," I said, responding o the words that struck me the hardest. "If you don't want me, then no one is fo0rcing you. Am I holding a sword to your heart to make you stay? Am I?" I asked her my voice rising as I too, stood to my feet, "am I the one who is giving you ultimatums about staying in this marriage? Am I the one threatening your ruin if you do not stay loyal to me, or stay iwth me in general? No, I am not. And if you;d rather this thing.. this... abomination!" I yelled out, "Be over and done with, then fine, let it be over, give up on it, walk away with your tail between your legs, do it, come then what's stopping you? Azza's pride? Camael's bollocks? What is it hmm?" I asked her, takinga fierce step towards her, though I id not touch her, even if the anger inside me wanted me to strike out and lay my palm flat against her cheek, I did not, I just stood, with hands clenched at my sies into tight balls, my warm brandy0-scented breath washing over her as I breathed heavily. "What on Elua's green earth do you want woman!"

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

In some ways Castiel hid a bit of being a stupid, petulant brat within himself and I saw just where Desdemona could have gotten her mad temperament, her inability to cope with uncertainty and anything less than perfect obesience. I knew Shahrizai who got less bent out of shape when their dominance was called into question, but then maybe that was the art of the Shahrizai. Maybe if he had those eyes instead of his purple ones this would be working better just because he'd have learned to temper his attitude by now.

"I didn't threaten you, I said that I would tell the truth. Is that a threat, after all that you claimed honesty was so important before?" I yelled back, refusing to back down as he came closer, though an almost imperceptible shudder moved over me while my muscles reflexively tensed, waiting to see where his blow would come from, if it did. Oh, he was mad now, but he was also only hearing what he wanted to hear. Fine, let him. Let's see what he heard out of this. "I said that I would tell people what really happened and you took that as an offense? Hypocritical much?"

My eyes looked back into his and I ignored the scent of his breath as he loomed over me. Right now his body could have been a block of wood for all I cared. And in my anger I didn't care what he said, what I said, what he saw or anything else. He'd made his position plain, and then he had the gall to ask me what I wanted as if it would make a difference?! Worse, I couldn't tell him what I didn't know, so I simply settled for what I did, my voice still raised to a shout. "I want a bath! I want to not be wearing this dress going on the second day in a row, and to have something to change into so I can stop feeling so damned sticky and digusting! I want my perfumes and my hairbrush and to be comfortable, and to rest and get rid of this damned headache, and to wake up in the morning and not be yelled at anymore! I want someone not to make their stupid rules at me, and most of all I don't want to be confused anymore!"

My eyes were swimming with tears of rage and bitterness and I was already regretting wasting the brandy.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

"You wretched little..." I growled, raiisng my hndds up to grip my locks and tug them, "you know that you meant you would offer that information up in a way that would make it seem far less savoury than it truly is, and you know that. Or will you even lie in this? You said it in a way to make it seem like you would tell it to any and all people, not those who asked, but those who truly have no need to know, in a way that would make my life difficult. And do not sit there and tell me your intent was not slanderous," I growled, even as I watched tears rise to her eyes.

Women, why did they always have to cry? It tore down my walls and I growled, frustrated, but took a step back to give her some space. "Liselle. Please. Listen to me," I said, trying to reason with her, and trying to lower my voice so it held some semblage of... I do not know. "We will have to get through this together. If you are confused, then tell me this, do not make it seem like something else. If I am imposing rules, then we will hve to talk it over, but when we both, yes both, sit here with barbed words trying to hurt one another and make the ire rise," I said, as I forced mine down, like bile in my throat, and tried my hardest to be reasonable, "when we are at each other's throats we will get no where, and nothing but answers we dont want to hear or give," I sighed, taking a further step back before I slumped into the couch. "Perhaps you should bathe. I can have a coachhand send for at least some clothes and amenities until we can buy some for here... or... or if you would prefer to go home this night," I said softly, trying to be understanding, and praying she would not think I am doing waht she said would happen and sending her away, "then that is fine and we can go over things in the morning. But I would much prefer you stay and we try to get at least somethings out of the way and understood tonight."

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

I wanted to tell him that maybe he hadn't heard me right, that he didn't know me well enough to make such assumptions, but that would have been a lie in one form or fashion. I didn't want to be shamed and I knew that if we'd gotten this annulled he would have told anyone who needed to know about it that I had played the succubus, just as he'd said this morning, even though he was as complicit in all of this as I was. Knowing that how could I not tell my own story, make my own way, defend myself? Now he may be showing an inclination of helping me but before he never had before and I had no way of knowing if that would stay out of some secret sentimental hope it would.

One thing I had learned was that sentimentality was a weakness. Even when people praised it they were quick to use it against you. More proof of the hypocrisy in human nature.

Then his tone softened and I could tell he was extending another grudging peace, and that grated on my nerves just as much as it had before. Give her what she wants, keep her quiet as soon as she starts to say something that isn't couched in dulcet tones. Nevertheless I listened closely and did my best not to scoff at his words while I gathered my composure back around me. Hadn't he already made rules that he expected to be followed? He said this was our home, but at the same time I was told whether or not I could have my own space in it, and where.

It would have been a whole lot easier to calm if he'd at least sounded something rather than as if he were desperately wishing he wasn't here. If I'd wanted that response I could have thrown a far louder, better one. A girl had her pride, didn't she? Of course. That's all it was, pride. Nothing more.

Fine, he wanted peace. With my practiced air of nonchalance restored I went and sat on the couch politely, still feeling disgusting in my gown. "I will take a bath when the talk is done so I can relax," I replied promptly and succinctly. "If that's not too offensive to you, of course. And I will write a list for your- our?- coachman to give to my the servants there so they can find what they require. That should be comfortable enough for the night." Reaching back I ran my hands through my hair. "And I am listening."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I nodded, watching her facial expressions shift once more as she sat down. I took my seat beside her and continued nodding.

"Yes, that is fine. I just was not sure if you wanted the bath now or... anyway," I said, shaking my head. It was poitnless to waste time on irrelevant banter, at this point, when both of our tempers were running high enough, even if under a layer of supposed calmness. "What would you like to have for yourself, what sorts of things and arranggements do you want to maintain between us. I understand you would like your own space, own bedchamber and boudoir, and that can be arranged. I also understand you wish to keep your... acquaintances and gentlemen callers, which I suppose is fine but some sort of deal needs to be made, some sort of rule, I think, to how things are conducted here and in public," I said, "I think you might agree to that?" I queried, taking a deep breath before I let my eyes settle on hers.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Amazing how quickly his tone changed without any change in the look in his eyes. And from 'no' to 'yes' on the matters that he'd thrown the largest fit about too, and the ones he seemed to get most violent over, without me even making that much effort. Though, of course, it was turned around on me. Because I had lovers. Not as though he hadn't named one for certain or anything, of course not, he was a paragon of virtue. Castiel the Camellia-like noble, without fault or flaw- or feeling outside of his own desires and perspective.

"Whatever my lord wishes," I replied, meeting his gaze from beneath my lashes, though this time without a hint of sensuality, merely watchfulness. "Because I have lovers I will have a separate room. I know that you said you didn't want to hear anything so I suppose that means I should either make sure you're not home and off with your own affairs or simply take it outside of the house, but if you would rather a schedule I am sure I can keep to one." And then simply ignore it when you're not looking or no longer care.

"Besides," I continued as I looked away absently, acting as though I didn't have a care in the world outside of completing this. "That means that when you come to my room I'll know you really want me and not simply come out of desperation, like you did at l'Roches. I won't be the second choice, not ever, so either I'll be taken for myself or not at all. I imagine you'll be glad to know that if I come to your room it will be because I chose to, not because I was bored and had no other choice, and I imagine that shoudl gratify you, or at least assuage your pride."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

He rwords spiked my temper, even as she played it off as though it was not meant to anger or enrage.

"First off, I would like to say that I did not go to you out of desperation. You make it seem as though I would have allowed anyone into my home and into my bed becuase of the way I was in. I had gone there with the sole intention of being alone, by myself, and..." I shook my head, "you know what? Think what you like," I grumbled. "And yes, some sort of schedule might be nice. I would hate to come to you, as you have described, because I want to, only to find that you are busy with someone else's manhood betwixt yrou lips. That sort of image can be quite jarring, dear wife," I added, my tone spiteful though I really did try to be civil. I ran my hand through my locks, tugging them slightly, hoping a bit of pain might help the anger subside. It did, even if only a little.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

He may have made great claims to his behavior and gentlemanly ways but in the end he meant only to win, to get the upper hand in this argument so that he would know he still ruled the household. Had anyone but me been the one spoken to I would have admired that and recognized it as a part of myself and a show of cleverness; now my competitiveness sparked up, making me more angry, more prone to saying hasty things and hurt him too.

No one was allowed to hurt me unless I let them. He'd have to learn that.

"Of course, husband- I could understand how such an image may cause some dismay, especially depending on the position and the person," I replied in a sweetly sedate tone as I tossed my hair, lips curling into a sharply demure smile before I simply sighed and waved my hand dismissively at the entire topic. This was starting to wear on me. "Or we just say that our home concerns us alone and all other liasons happen outside of it. It would simplify things, wouldn't it? Or am I being stupid again?"

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I rolled my eyes at her initial response, but found that... perhaps, just perhaps, she was getting as tired of this busines as I was.

"Perhaps that might be best... outside of the house then? They may visit here, but no sexual activities are to occur in the household unless they are between you and me," I said, nodding, "I suppose it is not the most terribly convenient for you dear but you came up with it. Though something tells me you'll be prone to break the rules, just do not bed anyone in my bedroom if you find you cannot help yourselfand need to bend the rules," I said with a short laugh and then a long, hard sigh. "I really do want this to work, Liselle. For all my anger, and rage at times, I really do. I do not want us to end up... hating each other, or just pretending at things."

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Of course, I was the one being inconvenienced, even while he was the one so carefully enunciating what the expectations were. It was like when a bad liar was trying to lie and threw in too many details, but then maybe that's how he was on general premise. It's not as though I had that much of a basis of comparison. He did like to set up his rules though and define his limits as though someone were actually going to write them in stone.

And I would have borne that because I was used to ignoring that, but his jab about me being the first one to break a rule as though I'd get caught if I did was too much. This conversation was quickly growing both tedious and intensely complicated. I didn't care. I wouldn't care.

"of course, my lord," I replied in a weary, bored tone as I gave him another glance and pushed my hair back with my manicured nails. "I don't expect it will be easy for you to believe either, dear, but I'm not so difficult to live with as all that. It isn't my intention to live in hate or pretending forever either, they take so much effort." That at least was true, though I didn't really give a ducat if he believed it or not. Likely he wouldn't anyway, his adoring sister had probably already convinced him otherwise. Maybe with her mouth on some more convincing parts of his anatomy at some point in the past. Not that I cared.

Frowning slightly I rose and smoothed down my gown with one hand, then dipped into a polite curtsy, the same sort my mother gave my father when he'd put his foot down and she was letting it go because yelling gave one wrinkles. "Now that that's settled I think I'll go take that bath, Castiel. I think I can remember the way there." Then I stood and made my way for the door.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

There was not much left to say now. Both of us were tired, angry, pushed to limits, and though I would have liked to apologize for my bitter words, I felt that it would not have been taken seriously. I sighed softly, and nodded my head.

"Of course. Should you need anything, you can call for me, or for any of the servants they will assist," I added more off-handedly as my mind raced than really invested in the comment. I remained seated, did not rise to bow to her, or kiss her goodbye. it was not like she was going anywhere I would not see her again. And so I sat, and stared blankly at the wall. This had been some day, indeed.