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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 6, 2011 23:29:53 GMT -5
They'd told us to ride – and so, like the others, I had, because it was what I was told to do. I'd packed a small harp into my saddle bag – though I'd have no use for it in battle... I'd need it, after.
For sanity.
The thought of blood made me sick. The sound of bones breaking did worse. I ignored both during raids, staying behind. The advantage of being the designated marksman was that I was often told to hit men, warriors. It was better that way, and an arrow to the heart was a clean, merciful death. I could live with that better than with any gut wound or maiming my war brothers inflicted on the D'Angelines.
The rapes and massacres, I did not think about.
The clan had met. The clan had spoken. There had been debates and arguments, and there'd been defections, too. I'd stayed quietly on the sidelines, waiting. I'd follow the majority – as usual. And so when they joined Eirik Reiksol, so did I.
There was a parlay at the kraal, now. I had no place there – I the bastard, the half-breed, the undesirable. I was tolerated for my arrows, and that was all. So I simply waited.
I'd found a quiet tree and a large rock, and to keep myself busy, I fletched in silence. I always made my own arrows. I never had enough of those, it seemed.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 6, 2011 23:39:56 GMT -5
I was so proud of my brother that I nearly beamed with it, though I knew it was improper to be so immodest. I tried to keep it to myself, and I knew that some of the women in the clan disapproved of my closeness with Eirik, but he had practically raised me and we had always been close.
Today was an important day, another clan had joined Eirik. My brother seemed a bit baffled by the way people responded to his words, but he underestimated the power in his voice when he spoke. He could have argued just the opposite and men still would have done what he said, because he was hypnotic, persuasive. He had no wish to be a King among men, but he knew that Skaldia would never be more than it was if it remained fractured.
I was following Ygritte, my brother's daughter, around camp where she liked to play, and presently we came upon a man fletching arrows. I did not recognize him so I surmised that he must be of the other clan. Ygritte went running past, but I did not worry overmuch, someone of the clan would watch out for her, as we all kept our children dear.
"Hello," I said with a smile, wanting to make the newcomers feel welcome, and as well I made it a point to know everyone I could by name, feeling that it was my duty as Eirik's sister. "Might I be of help to you?"
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 7, 2011 12:14:18 GMT -5
The arrow's tip was pointy, razor sharp. I thought, if it is aimed correctly, and projected with sufficient force, then it will give a good soldier a quick and painless death. I'd just tested it on the tip of my finger, and was suckling at the blood when a little girl ran past, followed by a young woman.
I looked at her, not sure what she wanted – was she insinuating that I was a stranger, and should leave? Did she mean to say that I was trespassing? I schooled my features to evenness, put the arrow away into a quiver I kept for such things.
I stood, and sheathed my tool. “I did not mean to impose.”
My jaw was tight, but she was young and pretty, and one of those I'd fight to protect, regardless of how unwelcome I was, and so though I was not warm, I was not aggressive either, rather quiet, and ready to leave to another place, quieter and more secluded yet.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 7, 2011 13:05:43 GMT -5
I frowned slightly, wondering if I had somehow given offense. Well, it happened, especially with newcomers because there were often differences among clans. I endeavored to try harder to show that I wished to be welcoming.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I did not mean to imply that you were imposing. Please, you are free to do your work whereever you choose. I only wished to offer help, if it was needed."
Wondering why he was so prickly, I could not help but notice a certain ... prettiness to his features that marked him out among us. Interesting, but hardly my business.
"I am Johanna, by the way," I said, smiling in an encouraging manner, as if I could get him to be respond to my friendliness by will alone.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 7, 2011 17:22:01 GMT -5
She seemed hurt by my answer, and I felt guilty – I'd not meant to be harsh.
I tried to smile, it might have been lopsided, a touch. “Kai,” I said, and that was all I volunteered. Ungewoltt was a name I'd been given, yet another lable. Kai, the Unwanted.
“Forgive me if I was a bit short,” I said sternly. “But thank you. I don't really... need help.”
It was silly of me – but I had no idea what to do with the offer, I didn't recall when I'd last been dealt one of those, and it seemed that the automatic and logical thing to do was refuse it.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 8, 2011 23:40:42 GMT -5
I smiled then, pleased that I had gotten a response from him and even a bit of a smile.
"Are you new, Kai?" I asked him, thinking that he must be from the clan that Eirik was treating with right now. I looked at his arrows and laughed softly. "That is probably just as well, I would most like stick myself with the arrow and then where would we be?" In truth I was passable at fletching, but I hoped that the jest would lighten the mood and help him to relax. I felt badly for him, in truth, because there was something haunted in his eyes that I recognized, even if I had never felt such things myself. I had ever been drawn to the wounded, it seemed.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 9, 2011 0:55:36 GMT -5
“We would be in the same place, and I might be in trouble for getting you hurt,” I replied ruefully. “My clan just rode in.” I jerked my head to the hut where the parlay was, then shrugged and looked away, then at my hands.
They were callused and nicked, and I thought suddenly of something nice to say to her, just... well, because she was woman, I supposed.
“Also, I don't think you want to have hands as rough as these,” I added.
Hm. Nice does not mean self-deprecating, I told myself. Well done, Kai.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 9, 2011 1:13:27 GMT -5
I smiled again, reaching out for his hand and turning it over in mine, running my fingers over his palm.
"Your hands show that you can work, and provide, and I would be honored to have hands such as yours..." Perhaps it was overly forward, but it was truth. My own hands were perhaps not the roughest, but nor were they as smooth as they could have been. Being Eirik's sister did not absolve me of work, and I always tried to pull my fair share.
I released his hands with a blush because it had occurred to me then that perhaps I was making him more uncomfortable, quite the opposite of my intentions.
"I'm sorry," I said, nervously tucking a loose strand of white-blond hair behind my ear. "I tend to be a bit too friendly at times." I gave him a rueful smile. "My clan is accustomed to my ways, but I should not expect the same of you."
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 10, 2011 11:57:31 GMT -5
I blinked at her, completely confused by her behavior. Surely, she was jesting. No-one wanted me in the way that she seemed to suggest – not me, because I was who I was, and deemed weak, deemed of diluted blood.
I took my hand back and placed it under my arm, lest an onlooker see her forward touches, and draw conclusions of which I would inevitably be thought the source.
“You don't say,” I replied after a bit, and I wasn't looking at her because I didn't know what to do with her, or about her, or – hm. “I'm sure your clan isn't accustomed to whelps and halfbreeds mucking about. Mind you don't sully your good name, just by sitting here with me, woman. It'd be a shame for you, and painful for me.”
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 11, 2011 20:45:09 GMT -5
His words were bitter, and painful, and yet true enough. What could I argue, that it was not like that in my brother's clan? Because that would be a lie, D'angeline halflings were not uncommon, but for the most part they were distrusted and at the very least, disregarded. Some suffered mistreatment, and I knew of occasions where men got a child on their D'angeline captives and then left it in the snows to perish as soon as it was birthed. I found that to be a base and unnatural cruelty, but my opinion was not one that was heeded, and my brother himself sided with the majority on this issue. He'd gone so far as to say that it was kinder to kill the child, and that was where I had had to walk away, for fear of the quarrel that might ensue.
"I'm sorry," I said again, though less for my actions and more for his circumstance. I knew that my pity would likely leave him cold, so instead I tried to at least assure him that he would not come to harm on my account. "I am the chief's sister, I speak to whom I desire and no one would gainsay it. Whatever others might say, I judge a man by his deeds, not by his birth."
Let him make of that what he would.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 12, 2011 20:10:44 GMT -5
Ah, so she was Eirik Reyksol's sister. All the worst. Imagine now what would happen, should she decide that I'd somehow wronged her. Imagine now what would happen, if someone saw us talking, and drew conclusions, which would inevitably be to my disadvantage.
“You speak well,” I said slowly, weighing my words. “But you've seen no deed of mine save these arrows, and they speak little of who I am.”
I looked down at the ground, then slowly reached to take an arrow out of my quiver, examining it slowly.
“For all I know, mayhap my clan leaders will change their minds, or do so as we speak. You do as you wish by virtue of your birth, and I do as I'm told by virtue of mine. I know my place.”
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 16, 2011 0:22:04 GMT -5
"A fair point," I acceded, "though I like to think well of a man unless he proves otherwise. Birth is but an accident of fate, and no true judge of character." I could not erase his experience with my opinion, especially considering the place of some privilege that I held in my clan.
I did not know truly what was left to say, though I hoped that I had not given him cause to take offense. "If you like, I can show you around, or if you prefer to be left alone, I can accommodate that as well." I smiled and tucked a pale blond hair behind my ear.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 16, 2011 1:16:54 GMT -5
I listened to her words, and wondered how much of it was true, and how much was a pretty woman's game. I decided not to take any risks, and inclined my head.
“You speak fairly, Johanna Reyksol, and as all has been said, I suppose the decision is yours, to keep my company, or not.”
That said, I resumed my work slowly, skimming the half-done arrow and polishing it with the little stone I kept to that effect, and waited for her to decide.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 17, 2011 0:56:39 GMT -5
I was interested in him, my curiosity piqued, not just by his obvious heritage, but by the way he spoke as well. We had a child of similar background that had grown up in our clan, but he had been sent away well before puberty, and I was unsure what sort of reception he would have received if he had stayed. I wondered idly whatever had happened to him.
"I shall stay, if it pleases you, and perhaps we can get to know some things about our clans, to make it easier, should your people choose to join with us." I knew it was possible that they would not, a few clans had made that choice, and Eirik held no rancor toward them. Not yet, for I would see him control the whole of Skaldia, but my brother had yet to recognize such ambitions for himself. I sat down on a large rock and pulled my legs up, crossing them beneath me. Ygritte ran past again and handed me a flower, a weed truly, and then disappeared again. I twirled it between my fingertips and regarded him.
"Did you have a safe journey?" I asked, assuming that this would be a safe topic with which to begin.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 17, 2011 1:18:23 GMT -5
I didn't, in all earnest, feel that there was much that I could say. What about my clan? They were raiders, herders, gatherers. Some had small fields on their homesteads, others did not. Most hated the D'Angelines, that was the constant. What else? There were tales of raids – they were long-winded, convoluted and exaggerated, and they gave the men heart, when they agreed to listen. What else was there to say?
“The journey was safe,” I replied quietly. “There were a few straggling D'Angelines on the way, quickly dispatched.” I patted my quiver, shrugged. “They always seem surprised.”
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 17, 2011 22:37:35 GMT -5
"Perhaps they think it odd that they are so easily killed by 'savages' when they are so close to the angels," I suggest, a smile playing about the edges of my lips. I did not think much of them, with their fair faces and silly ways. The slaves we salvaged from them were always soft, and even if they did not blubber and cry, they always looked down their noses at us. I could never understand it, really. Did we not all bleed the same?
"Perhaps one of these days they will learn, though I don't imagine it will happen any time soon."
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 18, 2011 12:22:42 GMT -5
“What do you think they should learn?” I asked quietly.
I wasn't looking at her – I wasn't looking anywhere that my eyes could meet hers, because I had my thoughts, and liked to keep them for myself.
Savages.
I was, then, half a savage, half an angel's whelp.
“What do you think I should learn?” I said, quieter yet.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 18, 2011 20:35:58 GMT -5
"That they are no better than we are," I said, in answer to his first question. "We are all people, our ways our different, but we are not 'savage' or 'barbaric' for them. And the same goes for them, though I am by no means their champion, I do not believe that they are less than us, either." It was a bit of a radical view, and one that my brother and I often argued about, but by virtue of being Eirik's sister, I could speak openly. Others might scoff under their breath or look at me askance, but none would punish me for speaking out.
I regarded him with serious eyes and then continued, ever forthcoming. "As for you, it may behoove you to learn that you are not less for your angel's blood." I knew that I dared much, but it hurt my heart to see what our people made of these half-bloods. "Both Skaldics and D'angelines have their good traits and bad, and you can make the choice to pursue the good."
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 18, 2011 23:10:12 GMT -5
What Johanna said was too close to what I thought – and if she, by virtue of her birth, could say such things openly, I didn't feel that I could. This went to say, if she was earnest in her words: who was to say that she was not trying to trick me into saying such things?
“I do what I'm told,” I replied, shrugging. “That's good enough.”
It wasn't exactly true. I did what I thought was best, within the limits of my situation. It meant limited, calculated risks, which allowed me to perform some acts of kindness, at times. It meant, also, doing things that allowed me to continue my acts of kindness undisturbed, alas.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 24, 2011 0:17:25 GMT -5
Was it? I couldn't imagine that, even as a woman, it was too important for me to at least have the freedom of choosing my actions. Then again, were we all not doing what we were told, in a manner? Was my life really so different, but for the fact that my brother granted me those same freedoms I cherished? I found the thought disturbing and I was beginning to wonder if this conversation with Kai was wise on my part.
"Good enough," I mused, unable to keep from speaking my thoughts aloud, "Is it, though? 'Good enough' suggests settling for less, and none of us should accept less than our worth..." I trailed off, because I was beginning to realize that trying to talk to Kai about his life was patently ridiculous, as I could not possibly understand. I sighed and shook my head. "But perhaps these are not things to speak of upon first meeting, are they?" I smiled instead and tucked my hair back. "Tell me something about yourself, Kai, I would know you better."
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 24, 2011 17:20:18 GMT -5
Johanna was going on about worth and freedom, and I found with dark amusement that she sounded like some of the captives, those who called me out on my shared heritage, at any rate, when they weren't insulting me and calling me whelp and mutt.
“Know me better,” I said slowly. “And what,” I asked again, “does Johanna, sister to the clan leader, want to know about the D'Angeline whelp? There's nothing of interest, I assure you. I like strings, I do what I'm told. I'm a simple man.”
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 24, 2011 22:54:49 GMT -5
I was normally a fairly even-tempered woman, or so I considered myself. I liked to think that I was calm and serene, kind and fair, but here I found that I was beginning to become annoyed. Here I was trying to be nice, and getting nothing for but suspicion. Perhaps it was unfair of me, for I was sure his life was much more difficult than mine, but there it was. Mayhap I was trying too hard.
"It seems to me that all men are complex creatures," I said, my tongue a bit tart, even to my own ears, "But it is a relief to know that I am mistaken." I rose and smoothed my skirt. "I shall leave you to your arrows, Kai, and perhaps when next we speak, it shall go easier." I sighed softly and moderated my tone, reaching out and laying a hand upon his shoulder. "I mean you no disrespect, Kai, no matter that others have given it to you."
I hoped he would remember, some day in the future, that someone had been kind to him here, if only for a moment, and even if her tongue was sometimes sharp.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Jul 25, 2011 12:15:08 GMT -5
I looked up as Johanna rose, and found that my legs had a will of their own, and so there I stood.
“My question was in earnest,” I said quietly. “You want to set yourself apart from the clan in my eyes, Johanna Reyksol, but I seen no reason for it, but as a test. What do you want to know? Am I loyal? Will I betray your brother? Am I a true Skaldi, even though my blood is weak? All those questions are best answered in deeds, not in words, are they not?”
This was going awfully – and now I would get retribution, certainly. Lovely.
“Forgive my tongue for being so sharp,” I said again. “I am not used to this.”
My act of contrition was forced and made me sick to my stomach – but it was necessary, in my view. Angering the clan leader's sister is never a wise thing to do, when one is at the bottom of the food chain.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Jul 31, 2011 22:58:32 GMT -5
I turned, slowly, but his words made me stop in my track, made my stomach knot sharply. I felt ashamed, both for my lack of patience and for my people. As much as I feared always for my brother, I doubted that Kai had ever done anything to show disloyalty, and yet it was always looked for, he was always scrutinized. The questions he asked were not the ones on the tip of my tongue, but I was a liar if I said they did not linger under the surface.
"Neither am I," I said, "no forgiveness is necessary." I gave a weak smile and tried to make things right, but words were only words, after all. "For what it is worth, I do not believe in 'weak' or 'strong' blood, you are a Skaldi if that is what is in your heart. Only you know that, but I will believe the best of you, unless you show me otherwise." If no one else did, I would, if only to make my brother proud.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Aug 2, 2011 0:05:20 GMT -5
I nodded, then, because there was nothing else to say. Was I? Really, was I a Skaldi? Or was I a D'Angeline pretending to be a Skaldi? I was Kai, I was a bard, I was a love r of strings, of music, of epics, of tales. I knew who I was, but I did not know what I was.
The boxes they wanted me to fit in were too small – too narrow.
“Thank you,” I said, simply. “You have a kind heart.”
I didn't know what more to say, really. I was almost shy, suddenly. Shy, and confused.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Aug 2, 2011 22:47:22 GMT -5
I smiled at that, because I liked to think that I did have a kind heart, or was that a conceit to even think so?
"Thank you," I said, and my smile was a bit fuller this time. "I want everyone to feel welcome, and for us to be one people, united. I know that we have a long way to go, but perhaps being kind to each other is a first step." Or perhaps I was a naive fool, that was possible, or perhaps likely, even.
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Aug 3, 2011 2:53:17 GMT -5
“Ja,” I replied, because really, can one ever be against virtue? Of course not. What I wanted to know was whether she wanted to be kind to prisoners as well. For a moment, I was quiet, then...
“What of those in servitude, Johanna?”
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Aug 3, 2011 22:25:45 GMT -5
"That is a difficult question," I responded, thinking it over. "On one hand, of course I believe in treating every person with kindness, including captives. On the other hand, captives are the province of men, and not all of them feel as I do. I speak to my brother on the issue where I can, and it is well known that he does not condone needless cruelty." I sighed a bit, looking up at him and thinking that he seemed kind as well, too kind?
"We cannot control the behavior of others, so I choose instead to lead by example, and pray that others make the right choice on their own." I gave a rueful smile then. "Which sounds terrible, like I think that my choice is the 'right' choice, but I suppose in some ways, that is how we all think, no?"
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Post by Kai “Ill-Begotten” Ungewollt on Aug 3, 2011 22:41:21 GMT -5
It was a rather strange response to me. In a way, she spoke as though she were a captive herself. In another, she spoke as if she had nothing to say, or very little. And in yet another, she spoke as if she knew what was right.
“I suppose,” I replied, simply.
For myself, the answers had come simply, naturally, but I kept them to myself, ever. My attempts at helping captives might not always be understood for what they were.
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Johanna Reyksol
Citizen
Sister to Eirik Reyksol, native to Skaldia
Posts: 35
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Post by Johanna Reyksol on Aug 27, 2011 20:15:14 GMT -5
The conversation seemed to have hit a snag, and yet it had been somewhat enlightening for me. There was nothing to be gained from prolonging poor Kai's discomfiture and if we were speaking of kindness, it was hardly kind of me to do so.
"I should probably be going, Ygritte gets into no end of trouble if someone is not watching her at all times." Even as I spoke, I could see her out of the corner of my eye tugging the tail of one of the dogs. "It was lovely to meet you, Kai, and I hope we can have the chance to speak again."
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