Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 20, 2011 22:20:57 GMT -5
I was numb, wholly and completely, though my eyes were still red and watered nearly every other moment for missing my babe. Handing her to my wetnurse was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do, knowing I'd be leaving her, that I'd possibly never see her again, wondering how much bigger she'd be when I returned, if she'd even remember me, if I'd be able to suckle and nurture her as only a mother could do. That it bothered me was an understatement, but I had my duty to do, a duty I couldn't delegate or push off. Even if I'd been willing to force someone to go in my stead to do my work, how would that appear to the Crown? I could be held for treason, abandoning my post, could be accused of conspiring with the enemy, possibly helping them in the City.. The possibilities were endless, and so I did my duty and went, leaving behind my baby girl and a man who I thought loved me, but held other things in more importance than me.
Well. Well and good, to find out now, that I could shed my tears of grief over him where he wouldn't have to see me. My heart was being locked again behind its cage of iron, and I hoped by the time I returned I'd be able to look at him without letting it show just how much I felt, just how much I loved him, and how much it hurt. I'd made my choice in the past, and now he made his. It was even, we were even, in the most unbalanced of ways.
And so I rode forth in my carriage, not upset for the fast pace that made me bounce harshly in my seat. I was alone for the time being, but a trio of advisors flanked my carriage, ready to aid me in Azzalle, and to come into my carriage should I ask for guidance, which I knew I would. Elua knew I needed it, but what I needed more, right now, was time. Time to think, time to reflect, and time to think about my beautiful daughter, and look at the painting that my nurse had thoughtfully had done up for me. I missed her, Elua, so very much.
Well. Well and good, to find out now, that I could shed my tears of grief over him where he wouldn't have to see me. My heart was being locked again behind its cage of iron, and I hoped by the time I returned I'd be able to look at him without letting it show just how much I felt, just how much I loved him, and how much it hurt. I'd made my choice in the past, and now he made his. It was even, we were even, in the most unbalanced of ways.
And so I rode forth in my carriage, not upset for the fast pace that made me bounce harshly in my seat. I was alone for the time being, but a trio of advisors flanked my carriage, ready to aid me in Azzalle, and to come into my carriage should I ask for guidance, which I knew I would. Elua knew I needed it, but what I needed more, right now, was time. Time to think, time to reflect, and time to think about my beautiful daughter, and look at the painting that my nurse had thoughtfully had done up for me. I missed her, Elua, so very much.