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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 15:31:21 GMT -5
It could never be. This I knew now for certain, though I think a part of me had always known.. had known and denied, just as I'd tried denying that he had feelings for me. I tried hiding and enjoying simple friendship, and when I could hide no more I let myself give in, tried enjoying physical pleasures, tried letting myself wonder what it would feel like if only I could relax, if only I could feel...
I'd cried, told him repeatedly I didn't want to hurt him, that I was sure somehow I would, and I think I should have walked away then, but the hole in me was still painful and I didn't want say I hadn't tried, even if I wasn't sure, even if I was frightened. And so I had, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't sure it ever was enough, just as I was certain now that I wasn't the woman for Guy, and he deserved better.
Seeing Gil, even so brief as for him to give me a ride home, was all it took for me to realize, and two mornings hence I made my way to Guys townhome, early enough for the dew to still be gathered on the blades of grass, but I knew he would be up and moving. Knocking politely, I waited, nerves roiling through my veins.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 16:41:39 GMT -5
There was a knock on the door. I had just sat down to breakfast after quite the lovely night's sleep. I had one of my servants answer and the returned saying that it was Mirielle. My heart skipped a beat and I sat down my fork and ran towards the door. My dark eyes were shining when I saw her and I hugged her before she had a chance to say anything. I was about to kiss her as well but I noticed there was something in her face that wasn't right and I slowly pulled away. "Mirielle, is everything alright darling?"
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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 21:42:29 GMT -5
He was so very happy, gathering me in his arms as he did and hugging me to him. I gave him a weak smile as he pulled back, but he caught that something wasn't right, and I felt.. defeated.
"It... Yes and no," I admitted, my hands wringing together a little as I peered up at him. "I have news that I fear won't go over well.. May I come in to speak?" I asked, forward, but not knowing what else to say for the moment.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 22:31:54 GMT -5
As soon as the words were out of her mouth a thousand thoughts rushed through my mind. All of them frightened me. But whatever it was couldn't harm me I told myself. "Of course, Miri." I opened the door further and led her to the sitting area. "Please have a seat, tell me what's come up."
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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 22:52:19 GMT -5
How was I going to do this? He'd told me he loved me, I'd told him I was afraid of hurting him. I entered his townhome and closed my eyes, taking a seat in the sitting room only because he asked me to. I waited til he was in and settled as well, before taking a soft breath.
"You know of Prince Augustin de Trevalion," I said slowly, "but before him I was courted by and loved a man named Gillermo Stregazza. Things.. happened.." I said, not going into details of the curse, "and I broke favor with him to be courted by August, and engaged. Gillermo was said to have died in the plague."
I said it all while looking at my lap, strong enough to be here, but abashed enough to not be able to look him in the eye. "He's alive," I said softly. "I stumbled across him in Mont Nuit; he'd recently rearrived in the city, and Elua Guy, he's alive. I don't know if we will stand to be together a second time around, but.. I know that what I feel for him is different than what I feel for you. I love you, but like a friend. Like a brother; I know I can trust you. My love for Gillermo... it's vastly different."
I looked up then, tears in my eyes, but swallowing and trying to hold them back, trying to stay strong and not make him feel guilty. "I'm sorry Guy," I whispered.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 23:07:53 GMT -5
As soon as she mentioned Gil's name everything clicked and I swallowed. She could have left it at that and I would have nodded. The return of a first love is something to be happy about. But of course Miri was my first love...
It was what she said next though that caused the tightness in my throat, to be told I was loved as a brother, a friend. It made no sense in my mind, especially after the night we had not long ago. "After the wedding, what was that then?" I asked, feeling the moistness building under my eyes. Was it pity? I couldn't believe she of all people had been playing with me. It had to have been pity, and that was almost worse. And with that thought a silent single tear trailed down my cheek.
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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 23:10:43 GMT -5
Oh Elua. Elua... I huddled in on myself, but when the tear escaped his eye, my own spilled over as well. "That was me trying to figure out how to love again," I whispered. "I wanted to love you, wanted to be that woman for you, and I tried.. Elua I didn't want to hurt you."
I looked away again, burying my face in my hands as I bent over my lap some. "I didn't want to hurt you," I repeated, softer than before, as I struggled to contain my tears.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 23:16:27 GMT -5
I nodded. I wanted to hug her and tell her it was alright. I knew better though. I had poured all my thoughts, my heart my soul my life into loving her and her alone. I thought she was the one I saved myself for and now I wondered if I had wasted all I held dear. She would be happy, and I was glad. "You didn't. I hurt myself, Mirielle. You'll be happy with him. True love is supposed to work... I'm glad it's working for you." My own words were a stab into my own heart.
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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 23:20:01 GMT -5
And there it was, that one gleaming knife that stabbed into my heart with all the others that had been lodged in by Gillermo. I cried into my hands before making myself sit up, cheeks glistening, making myself look at him. "I don't even know if he'll have me," I whispered, "but I don't want to be cruel to you, I don't want to drag your heart along now that I know for certain. I'm so sorry Guy..."
Inadequate, those words, so very much. I felt like I should go, but I didn't want to run. I had hurt him, no matter how he tried to word it. He always was too nice, and I was positive he was doing it to spare me, and for no other reason.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 23:24:57 GMT -5
I looked into her eyes, but it was like looking into the sun and I had to look away, tears streaming down. Her logic didn't make sense to me, but I wasn't going to fight for her anymore. Part of being a good soldier was knowing when to retreat. I didn't know if I'd ever be the same, or if I'd ever stop loving her. I had to let her live her life though. "I don't know what else to say Miri... I don't want to hurt you with what might slip out," I said calmly. My lip was trembling though.
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Post by Mirielle Bellamont on Jun 15, 2011 23:35:53 GMT -5
I didn't know what to say... but then, I had said enough. Enough to bring his smiling face to tears, and I was afraid to think of what else. "I should go, then," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. I hesitated, but reached, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks.
"I'll always be here if you need me for anything," I said quietly. "Even if it's just an ear to listen."
I was overstaying. I with drew and stood, and made my way to the door frame where I paused, looking at him. "I'm so sorry Guy..."
Heart low, I made my way from the townhome and into my carriage, the tears trickling down my cheeks. I'd not wanted to, Elua I'd not wanted to, I'd cried and begged... and I'd done it all the same.
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Post by Guy de Mereliot (R) on Jun 15, 2011 23:43:04 GMT -5
She left before I could tell her I forgave her and that hurt most of all. Her final words were left to echo in my mind. I'm so sorry.... I was the sorry one. I had forced my love on her, and I hated myself for it. I failed at love.... I wouldn't try again. I was good at only one thing. And that is when the spark of an idea came to me. I'd go back, even if it killed me (all the better if it did). I walked to the wall and took my sword from it's mounting on the wall. "Bring me a horse!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face.
By the time I was outside Miri wasn't in sight and my horse was waiting. I climbed on and sped off towards the place I knew the troops were gathered.
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