Post by Mirsada Anezka on May 7, 2010 0:17:54 GMT -5
I had never imagined something could be this hard. Dying would be easier, I thought, for at least that had an end. I didn’t know if this pain would ever stop.
After Kendrick had driven me off, I had thought I could heal, that I would find focus in the arms of other men. I had thought I could return to the life I had had before. It didn’t work though.
I still loved him, desperately and deep into my bones. The cruel things he’d said were nothing compared to this hurt of being without him. I had finally fallen in love after all these years, finally found the man I wanted to share my life with, and he couldn’t stand to be with me.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I locked the door of my store…no, not mine any longer... the store. My finger came up and traced the letters of my name painted on the glass. They would be gone tomorrow, scrubbed off and washed away, all traces of my work here wiped away with a soft cloth.
Swallowing hard, I turned and handed the key to the new owner. He was a good man, and I trusted him to handle business well, but there was a rushing in my ears and I couldn’t hear the words he said. I just nodded and turned away, going to my waiting carriage.
The door shut behind me and the carriage began to move. I heard the wagon that was trailing us begin to move as well. All my belongings now rested in the two, everything else had been sold or given away.
The small procession rolled towards the gates and the road that would take us to the sea. From there I would join my parents in Illyria. Their last letter had asked me to come be with them, extending the invitation I had so desperately needed ever since I’d seen Kendrick on the street. He’d not noticed me, but even before I saw him, I felt his presence and found him in the crowd. My heart had shattered anew in my chest even as I almost called out his name. memories came flooding back, most of all my desperate flight to see him when I thought him dead from the plague, the way he had kissed me, held me, made me feel safe in a way no one else ever had. That had been my breaking point, the moment I realized I couldn’t stay here if he was here too.
So I was leaving the only home I had ever known, the business I had dedicated my life to, that my parents had built, and that had been in my family for generations. My mother’s blood said love as thou wilt; it never said what happened when the one you loved didn’t love you.
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the side of the carriage and wept.
After Kendrick had driven me off, I had thought I could heal, that I would find focus in the arms of other men. I had thought I could return to the life I had had before. It didn’t work though.
I still loved him, desperately and deep into my bones. The cruel things he’d said were nothing compared to this hurt of being without him. I had finally fallen in love after all these years, finally found the man I wanted to share my life with, and he couldn’t stand to be with me.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I locked the door of my store…no, not mine any longer... the store. My finger came up and traced the letters of my name painted on the glass. They would be gone tomorrow, scrubbed off and washed away, all traces of my work here wiped away with a soft cloth.
Swallowing hard, I turned and handed the key to the new owner. He was a good man, and I trusted him to handle business well, but there was a rushing in my ears and I couldn’t hear the words he said. I just nodded and turned away, going to my waiting carriage.
The door shut behind me and the carriage began to move. I heard the wagon that was trailing us begin to move as well. All my belongings now rested in the two, everything else had been sold or given away.
The small procession rolled towards the gates and the road that would take us to the sea. From there I would join my parents in Illyria. Their last letter had asked me to come be with them, extending the invitation I had so desperately needed ever since I’d seen Kendrick on the street. He’d not noticed me, but even before I saw him, I felt his presence and found him in the crowd. My heart had shattered anew in my chest even as I almost called out his name. memories came flooding back, most of all my desperate flight to see him when I thought him dead from the plague, the way he had kissed me, held me, made me feel safe in a way no one else ever had. That had been my breaking point, the moment I realized I couldn’t stay here if he was here too.
So I was leaving the only home I had ever known, the business I had dedicated my life to, that my parents had built, and that had been in my family for generations. My mother’s blood said love as thou wilt; it never said what happened when the one you loved didn’t love you.
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the side of the carriage and wept.