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Post by Maric du Verais on Feb 10, 2010 19:25:34 GMT -5
I wanted to stay behind, to stay at the palace, to see what had happened to Lilli, or at least take comfoprt in Nyx's sweet embrace. But it was all too much for me, it was all too painfull, to stay and sit on a chair and wait for Lilli to be done fooling around with her new lover, leaving me to wallow in all the misery she had left me in.
I begged leave of Nyx, explaining that I was going through something, explaining that I had feeling for another, and that I was not in the mood for festivities. I was sure she haddn't been pleased with my walking off, and I felt bad, but I couldn't stay and think about what Lilli, my sweet Lilli was doing with that Vermandois creep.
So I waited, rushing through the door and headed from my room to escape the tears that formed in my eyes at every corner.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Feb 12, 2010 13:08:42 GMT -5
I had returned to the fete to look for Maric, but he was gone and so was the carriage. I hired one to get me home, wondering all the while if he had left with the beautiful adept he had been dancing with. Not able to stand the uncertainty, I found myself outside his door once I was home. I looked at the wood for a long time before I realized that I was waiting for incriminating sounds to drift through the door. Shaking my head at myself, I knocked softly.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Feb 12, 2010 17:37:34 GMT -5
I had tried to sleep, tried to force myself, but I couldn't, all I could think about was was Lilli might be doing with Shea. Over and over the thoughts bubbled till I was caught between blinding anger and crushing despair. When I heard a knock at the door I figured that it was Azriel or one of the maids; I rose and moved to the door, opening it to see Lilli standing there. To say I was shocked was a little bit of an understatement.
"Lilli," Was all I said, my jaw tight as I turned from her, leaving the door open before returning to the depths of my room. "What are you doing here, shouldn't you be off with Shea de Vermandois?" I asked, calling back to her over my shoulder.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Feb 16, 2010 23:08:59 GMT -5
I entered just far enough to close the door and lean against it. I had a feeling that this was a conversation that we were going to want to have behind a closed door.
"What do you want me to say Maric?" I asked evenly, my voice quiet. "Should I beg for your forgiveness?"
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Post by Maric du Verais on Feb 17, 2010 21:03:18 GMT -5
"No of course not," I replied as I kept my back to her as I went to my desk and sorted through my papers; letters from home, letters from friends. "Why in Gods name should the infallible Lilliane Prevost beg forgiveness?" I turned around to look at her then. "So, was he good in bed, was he worth it?"
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Feb 17, 2010 23:50:20 GMT -5
His words were like daggers, cutting through me. I nearly flinched physically. "Is that what you think of me?" I asked, my voice small. "You think I slept with him?"
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Post by Maric du Verais on Feb 18, 2010 16:28:25 GMT -5
The sound of her voice, the look in her face, it made me want to take back what I said, but it was too late. My own tears welled in my eyes as I looked at her, my own pain buring deep in my chest. "What else am I to think Lilli?" I asked, my voice soft as I looked at her. "You couldn't even do me the favour of dancing with me first, your duty was so much more important then me." I began before walking toward her.
"Then I try to busy myself, to not think about his lips brushing your cheek, the way he held you as you danced, the way you laughed as though he were the only one in the room." I shut my eyes, willing the tears to fade.
"Before I know it you're gone, off with your lover boy and I came home by myself, unable to take the pain of being abandon by you." I turned from her then and went back to my desk and took a breath before continuing.
"I know that you've been unhappy because of what has happened between you and your uncle, and I know that I said I would do anything to make sure you had a good night, to forget about your troubles." I turned again, looking at her once more.
"But not at the expense of my heart; I'm falling in love with you Lilli and if you don't feel the same, at least cut me loose and tell me so. Don't play me like a fool, don't make me your little lap dog while you go off and entertain some gentleman who's station you know I could never match."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Feb 26, 2010 2:55:17 GMT -5
I stared at his for a moment, then scrubbed my hands over my eyes. "You..." He was falling in love with me? He wasn't just saying it, he believed it. I didn't know what to say in return, I was too mad at him.
"Let's start at the beginning. I danced with Shea first because he asked first. Not because of station, not to hurt you or play games. But because I wanted to have fun, and someone had asked me to dance. I didn't know that it was going to make you jealous and find the most beautiful girl in the room, an adept no less, to dance with to try and get even. Funny, I wasn't in any hurry to get back to you after that. And yet you still have the... the gall to accuse me of..." I couldn't finish the thought, I had to turn away. There were tears in my eyes, and my voice was threatening to catch. Gods, what he had done, what he was still doing, it was tearing me up inside.
"It was just some harmless flirting. And if you can't trust me not to hop into bed with every man who smiles at me, then this will never work."
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Post by Maric du Verais on Feb 26, 2010 13:08:53 GMT -5
I turned, my back to her once more as I composed myself. "Before I was dancing with that girl I was crying in a linen closet." I said softly over my shoulder and then turned gently. "And I didn't do it to get even, I did it because I was trying hard not to think about you and how little you care about my feelings. I figured if I was so unimportant to you, that you wouldn't have the sensitivity to realize 'harmless' flirting would not be harmless at all; that you wouldn't care if I did what I could to distract myself till you decided I was important again." I turned completely to look at her. "The reason we could never work has nothing to do with jealousy, jealousy would be something I would fight to get over; for you." I shook my head a little. "You're not ready for what I want Lilli, and thats not something that can be fixed. You're just using me to fill your time and distract you from your problems with Azriel. You may not understand it, but you having fun is coming at my expense. Thats not fair to me." I looked appologetically to her.
"I never meant to hurt you Lilli, by dancing with another girl. I never thought you'd even notice." I took a breath, my brows knit saddly. "I'm sorry Lilli." I turned from her again and moved to my desk to retrieve a letter.
"This came for me yesterday, from my father." I turned back and held it up. "I am to return to Kusheth immediately." My voice was low and sad. I didn't want to leave, and I was going to fight my father on it, but not now, now I was ready to get away from this place. "He thinks that I'm not ready for the City, he feels I need to return home for another year till I reach my majority and come back when I've matured a little." I sighed. "And I think he's right." I looked down at the letter in my hands. I didn't want to abandon her, I wanted to be with her. But I feared it was not going to happen. "I'm sorry, but I'm leaving."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Mar 3, 2010 23:46:05 GMT -5
"You're... you're leaving," I repeated, my voice dead. I just let the news sink in for a moment.
And in that moment, something broke in me.
"I think he's right too. But you could have matured here. You could have learned to communicate. You could have learned some self-worth." My words were cold, harsh. But that didn't mean they weren't true. "But you didn't tell me what you wanted, or asked to court me. And you didn't ask me to dance first, or cut in when you thought Shea'd had his turn. Next time you change the rules, tell the other players. I'm not a bloody mind reader." I couldn't handle it anymore, I was too mad. I yanked the door open and then slammed it shut behind me, running to my room with tears pouring down my cheeks.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Mar 4, 2010 15:39:06 GMT -5
I was mad, perhaps not as mad as I could of, or should have been, but still enough to go after her. I pulled open my door and went flying down the hall after her, calling out as I did. "Oh yes, its easy to be the victim if you don't have to take responsibility for you own actions." I said as I reached her, I placed myself in front of her, not letting her pass. "I could have done a lot of things, you're right. But what about you Lilli?" I asked as I narrowed my gaze at her. "I changed nothing and you know that; you've known exactly how I've felt about you all along. You pride yourself in being so smart and so aware of other people and what's going on around you that I have a very had time believing you had no idea how I felt about you." I sighed a breath sharply. "You've been pushing me away from the beginning, you know how much I've wanted to get close to you, how much I've pushing for us to spend time together; yet you always keep me at arms length. And before you make any comments about this having to do with you not having sex with me, you can stop right now." I kept myself in front of her but didn't advance, strangely enough I wasn't as mad as I had been. I was angry that she was blaming this on me, but I was also worried about her.
"You know Lilli, I have this theory and it goes like this." I began as I looked at her, my gaze not harsh or mean, but serious. "I think that you think everyone you love will leave you; so there for you refuse to let any one into your heart because you think they'll leave. But the problem is, because you won't let us it, you're the one thats causing us to leave." I said us because I had a feeling that Azriel would agree with what I was saying. He always seemed frustrated when dealing with Lilli, and at first it had made me angry that he would treat her like that; now I could empathize with him.
"I know you're parents death has been hard for you..." I shook my head then. "No, I'm sorry, I don't know. I have no idea what it means to loose them." I looked at her then, my brows furrowed as I watched her face stain with tears. "But just because they died doesn't mean they didn't love you. I think you see it like, everyone that leaves you doesn't love you and that way you're justified for not allowing yourself to love them fully in return." I stepped back from her a little.
"I love you Lilli; I don't know exactly what that means, especially now. But just because I'm leaving doesn't mean I don't love you, and it doesn't mean I won't think about you every day until I return." I had said my peace and decided that I should retreat, to give her the chance to make a rebuttal or to walk away. Either way, I moved past her and headed back toward my room.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Mar 9, 2010 13:52:56 GMT -5
He would stand there and lecture me? He was the one who loved me but wouldn't claim me. "Fine time to grow a backbone," I retorted angrily. I couldn't help but be hurt by his words, no matter how stupid he was being. "If you're going to leave, save the analyzing and just leave." There was so much more that I could have said. But my throat was closed from the tears. I tried to say more, and just ended up sobbing. I fled to my room, and closed the door hard behind me.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Mar 10, 2010 15:52:41 GMT -5
I let her go, she was angry, I only hoped with a little bit of time she would come to understand my feelings; my reasons. With that I turned and went back to my room, preparing to pack; I was returning home.
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