Backstory: A Month of Madness - Cassiline in Exile

[Émile d’Ames]

[Note: Actually takes place in the summer, approximately two weeks into Emile's house arrest.]

I had a feeling that the silence would drive me mad if I wasn't mad already. What would Her Majesty think, to have a madman wandering the halls dressed as a Cassiline? But no, I was not dressed as a Cassiline, I was clad all in black, the colour of mourning. Perhaps I would never wear the gray garb again, at this point, all I wanted was my freedom.

All I had were my thoughts, and they were unwelcome company.

Earlier, I had caught a glimpse of freedom, or rather, heard it. My brother was not one for subtlety where family was concerned. For a moment I entertained giving the guards a sound thrashing and escaping with my kin back to Kusheth, but I had a feeling that Landis would not be as eager as I to leave the City. Bastard, he had his freedom, and all I had were the walls of the Palace, and the same damn gardens, and the same damn people who frequented the Palace.

On reflection, I was very much a man of two minds during that time. I was the penitent Cassiline in the mornings and I spent the rest of the day cursing every person of my acquaintance. How dare they have their freedom while I stagnated in this den of excess! Yes, I probably was being childish and petty. On the other hand, I was not sure whether the gods would ever forgive such a sin, a minor sin, I suppose, to my countrymen, but not to me. It was as if I had murdered someone in cold blood.

I practiced telling the hours each morning, as I had always done, but I did not use the blade I normally carried, and by now they had become a routine exercise, like a cleric saying his prayers by rote without putting any feeling in them. I ate very little, I suppose someone would call that a penance by fasting, but the truth of the matter was that I did not feel like eating. Instead, I felt like wandering the halls like a phantom, avoiding the sounds of revelry that seemed to issue from every corner of the Palace. I was doing penance, I did not deserve to have fun, not that I ever managed to have much fun in the first place.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

Humming to myself, I walked down the hall of the royal wing of the palace. There had been a correspondence my Dowayne needed delivered to the Queen and I’d offered to do the errand. It was only right that the message be delivered by one higher up in the house since it was going to the Queen, and besides, it gave me an excuse to wander by the library while I was here.

After delivering the message to the Queen’s secretary, I headed back out and aimed myself in what I hoped was the direction of the library.

[Émile d’Ames]

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I almost didn't notice the man until it would have been too late to offer quaint apologies. As it was, I swerved to avoid him.

"Would you take care to watch where you step?" I growled in a voice that was not my own, or at least, it wasn't a voice of mine that I recognized. I did recognize his face, so I knew that he probably wasn't anyone important who could throw me in the dungeon for impudence, not that I wouldn't have appreciated the change in scenery.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

A wry retort rose to my lips, but I remembered where I was and stifled it.

“I’ll try to keep a better eye out,” I said. “Would you be able to point me toward the library, my lord?”

[Émile d’Ames]

I snorted. "I am certain if you wander around long enough you will come to it." On any other day, I would have been appalled at my behaviour, but it was hard to care when you felt like everything you had worked for in the past five-and-twenty years was for naught.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

My eyebrows went up a little at his response.

"Well, it seems you are having a day as black as your clothing," I said. "I shall find someone brighter to point me in the right direction." I meant brighter mentally and in spirit, but one would have to be paying attention to get that. "I hope your day gets better, my lord." I bowed slightly.

[Émile d’Ames]

I scowled. "If you are that eager to stick your nose in a book, then you have set your feet in the wrong direction." I folded my arms across my chest. Having had plenty of time to wander the halls of the Palace, I was sure that I knew the grounds moreso than I knew my own reflection. "And would you cease calling me 'my lord'? I am only a second son and not a lord of anything."

[Keegan nó Orchis]

"I was actually interested in the maps, not the books this time," I said with a smile. "As for the title, I am but an adept so second son or even fourth, you rank higher than I on the social ladder."

[Émile d’Ames]

"I should think not," I replied. "I am in disgrace, hence my attire. I am certain, however, that my Mandrake adept brother would be thrilled at the thought that I outrank him." If that was supposed to be a jest, my tone of voice did little to suggest it. A dead man would have made more stimulating conversation.

"What interest would an adept have with such maps?" I inquired, more out of an interest in preventing strangers from accessing schema of the Palace with which to plan a coup that only existed in my mind thus far. In truth, I was not sure if I could join Her Majesty in her rooms as she penned letters, much less protect her from assassins.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

“I have a passion for history and the library here has some of the oldest maps in the City,” I explained. “I have some time so I thought I might take a look at some of the ones I’ve not seen before.”

[Émile d’Ames]

A reasonable request, I supposed, looking him up and down. He certainly bore no resemblance what I expected an assassin would look like. However, appearances could be deceiving.

Even so, I was still armed, and, though disgraced, I was still proficient in the Cassiline style of swordplay.

"Well then, I suppose I am keeping you from your studies, such as they are," I stated, moving reflexively to push a young page out of my way before he collided with the adept.

"Watch where you step, boy, before you break something!" I snapped, as if he was a Brother-in-training who had missed a step during a practice bout.
"Excuse me, Messire d'Ames, Messire," the boy muttered as he scampered away, intent on his errand. I watched him go until he turned a corner.

"No matter how long I reside in this Palace, I don't think I will ever be used to the ineptitude of the messengers the peers employ because they are too lazy to carry their own correspondence themselves," I remarked, my attention once again on the adept. How ironic, I had used just such a messenger to carry a letter to my brother a few weeks ago.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

“Perhaps if you were not so rude and brash then there would be less strife between you and the messengers who are only doing as they are told so that they can afford to put food on the table,” I replied, furrowing my brow.

[Émile d’Ames]

"That doesn't excuse their utter lack of discipline," I replied, attempting to stare straight ahead and ignore the voice that accused me of hypocrisy. I dared to accuse a fellow D'Angeline of lacking discipline when I myself was guilty of just such a thing? It sounded like a jest, a terrible jest.

I moved to stand at-ease in the Cassiline manner, only to have my fingers grasping uselessly at the empty air. I had not worn my daggers since the beginning of my period of penance. It was disconcerting, not having my arms where I could draw them at the slightest sign of a threat.

[Keegan nó Orchis]

There was no mistaking the posture he tried to assume. I smirked a little. “I guess a Casseline dressed in black would know something about a lack of discipline.”

[Émile d’Ames]

I bowed my head, my careful facade cracked with one idle gesture. "I am no longer a Cassiline, Messire, despite what Her Majesty may tell you." Technically I was released from my duties for two more weeks, but the question of whether I would leave Her Majesty's service and return to Kusheth was still unanswered. It was a bold statement, fueled by anger and more than a little bravado.

My hands balled into fists as I spoke, and it seemed to me that if I did not find something to hit I would quite possibly hurt the adept. "I am disgraced, I am cut off from the only life I have ever known, and if they do not let me out of the Palace in due time I will go mad or die trying to escape!"

The words came out in a torrent and I had to fight to keep from gasping. "I...tell me, Messire, is it wrong for a man to cry in this situation? Because I would much rather laugh than cry..."

[Keegan nó Orchis]

“It’s never wrong to cry if that is what your emotions lead you to, but I much prefer laughter,” I said, smiling. “But then again, as an adept of Orchis it’s sort of in my blood.”

[Émile d’Ames]

I managed to chuckle in spite of the torrent of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me. "In my blood there's nothing but fighting and whoring, so I wonder what that means for me."

I backed up to place my back against the wall. I was supposed to be a pillar of strength, the stalwart guardian of Her Majesty's person, but instead I was reduced to a weak, simpering shadow of a man, ruined by my own curiosity.

I let out a long sigh. "I suppose if I am soon to laugh or cry in your presence, then I should introduce myself: Emile d'Ames, formerly of the Cassiline Brotherhood, former stalwart guardian of Her Majesty's person--or so they tell me."

[Keegan nó Orchis]

"Keegan no' Orchis," I said, extending my hand to him with a smile. "It's nice to meet you."

[Émile d’Ames]

"Somehow I suspect that 'nice' is not the word that you originally intended to use," I replied, grasping his hand and grinning. "I wouldn't blame you, I have been an arse, haven't I?" It felt strange to stand at ease without my daggers, hands at my sides like a common recruit. It was as if someone had cut off an extra appendage which was of no further use to me.

"I suppose it is fortunate that I ran into you. You are an Orchis adept and I am badly in need of some cheer," I wondered if I had any coin on me. "I would even pay you, but unfortunately I cannot compensate you in the...usual...way, but I once heard that Orchis adepts save their best material for when a patron is paying them for it."

[Keegan nó Orchis]

“Joy is free, my patrons pay for my other talents,” I told him with a grin and a wink. “So tell me Emile, are you stuck to this hallway or could we perhaps find somewhere more conducive to smiles?”

[Émile d’Ames]

"I am certainly not stuck to the wall," I replied. "But I must inform you that I am tethered to the Palace by a very strong chain known as 'Her Majesty's orders', but I am free to roam the gardens and such." I shrugged. "Where shall we go, then?"

[Keegan nó Orchis]

“I am less free to roam this wing than you are, so perhaps a public sitting area?” I suggested.

[Émile d’Ames]

"The gardens are not too far away, and they should be reasonably quiet." I said, detaching myself from the wall. "I doubt that we will encounter many people at this time of day."
I glanced around to get my bearings and began walking in the direction of the gardens.