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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Oct 14, 2009 16:19:27 GMT -5
When Lilli and Maric hadn't come back to me when I called, I signaled for my carriage and took it home alone. I passed them, of course, on the road, but didn't stop and when I reached the house I went straight inside to wait.
During my ride I thought in great detail about the evening, it became quite clear to me that I was too far out of my element. I couldn't keep this up, this life that I was living, there had been a very good reason that I had stayed away from the city; that I had kept to myself and away from people. I ruined every relationship I was in, every friendship I had, nothing had been the same since... since my beloved wife had died. She had been the only one to know me for who I was, she had been my soul mate, and now that she was gone I had nothing left to live for. Lilli was too old to be a ward, she may have been sixteen, but she obviously didn't need me. I wasn't even sure why my sister had made me her guardian, she could certainly take care of herself. I had destroyed my relationship with Isra faster then I had created one with her, and I had a feeling that I had just ruined my relationship with Sarielle as well.
To me it was quite clear that I returned to Marsilikos and free those people around me from the wreck of a person I was.
I sat in the private sitting lounge, waiting for Lilli to return to tell her that I was leaving.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 16, 2009 9:03:58 GMT -5
I was mad still, so mad. But by then the first wave had burned off, leaving my core feel like ice. I might have been shivering if Maric hadn't been there with me, his steady presence giving me the warmth I needed. We arrived home and entered the quiet house. I was tempted to ignore the inviting light spilling in from the sitting room and heading upstairs, but this conversation could not be avoided.
I walked into the sitting room and stood in the middle of the floor, hands clasped before me as I waited for him to yell at me again.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 18, 2009 18:58:22 GMT -5
I was quiet the whole walk home, making sure that Lilli had a chance to speak if she wanted, or stay silent if she needed as well. I knew this was between her and her uncle and I knew enough to not over step my boundaries. I felt sorry for the pair though. I knew enough of Azriel from my father to know that Azriel had no real like of his Shahrizai heritage, but I didn't know if his issues with Gadleon had been based on that or the affection he showed the hostess Sarielle. Though Lilli never said, I guessed that the relationship between Azriel and his cousin wasn't one that she knew of, which explained her reaction earlier. Either she was unhappy that the information was kept from her, or she was unhappy at her uncle's incestuous doings. It certainly wasn't uncommon in the Shahrizai, but one often found that the provinces tended to be more open (or backward depending on your view) then those who lived in the city and weren't privy to those going ons. More then anything, I knew that I shouldn't step in, though there were things I could say as some one that was on the outside, it wasn't my fight, and really, the only person that mattered to me in the end was Lilli.
I entered into the house with her, but stayed behind her and off to the side, wanting to show my support by being there, but not incur the wrath of Azriel should he deem this a family matter.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Oct 18, 2009 19:06:06 GMT -5
By the time that Lilli and Maric returned to the house, I was firm in my decision. I would take a fortnight to prepare, and to find some one who would look in on them from time to time. I would send word to Maric's father and tell him that Maric was free to stay or return home should that be his desire; and then I would set sail with my things and return to my life.
When I heard the door a took a breath and waited, eyes down cast until she entered the room and stood, waiting for me to speak. I saw Maric too, but my focus was on stilling my nerves so that I could speak properly without fault. Rising from my seat, I smoothed out my breeches and looked at Lilli, taking one last breath before I spoke. "I just wanted to let you know that I will be leaving." I said softly, glancing to Maric and then Lilli. "I'll stay for a fortnight while I gather my items, and find some one that will be willing to come back and check up on you. But after that I will be returning to Marsilikos, where I belong." I looked to Maric then. "I'll contact your father by letter, you're welcome to stay if you wish, that is, if he doesn't mind and if Lilli doesn't mind; its her home after all. But it will be up to him in the end I suppose." I shrugged and looked back to Lilli, waiting for her reply.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 19, 2009 16:09:40 GMT -5
I looked at him hard, an when I spoke my voice was very careful and very icy. "Do you know why I'm mad at you Uncle Azriel?" I asked rather rhetorically, and kept speaking before he had a chance to respond. "You walked in there ready for a fight. So you found one. You got to assert how non-Shahrizai you are by acting like a child. Huzzah for you. But you dragged me and Maric into it. You used us. As an excuse, as a shield. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was back there? You had no right, absolutely no right to do that to us."
"And then if that wasn't enough, I follow you out like a good, obedient little niece, only to find you kissing Sarielle. Maybe I could have gotten over the whole cousin thing, but you had just spent the last quarter of an hour glaring daggers at Gadleon for simply looking at me. Do you trust my judgement that little? Or are you the only one allowed to get any? Gadleon is at least close to my age, not to mention the fact that he's not related to me." I paused, my breathing harder than it should have been as I struggled to remain calm.
"So run away if you want uncle," I continued, still looking straight at him. "I won't stop you. But it won't do you any good. You can't run from yourself."
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Oct 19, 2009 16:24:21 GMT -5
I could have been angry, could have been upset, could have been many things. Mostly I was just tired and I had no energy to fight back. "No, I'm leaving because I don't belong here. You don't need me, you never have, I'm not even sure why your mother thought you would... other then to be here for you while you grieved." I shifted slightly in my stance, my voice quiet. "But I think you're strong enough to manage on your own, you'll have made your majority soon, and it won't matter one way or another." I took a breath and sighed. "Good night to you both." I said softly and moved past them, heading to the stairs and up to my room.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 21, 2009 0:03:24 GMT -5
I shook my head as he left. He was lying to himself. I went to Maric then and buried my head in his chest as I started to cry. Azriel was acting like a child denied his sweets, who then won't clean his room because he's pouting. Maybe if he couldn't act like an adult, this was for the best. But I cried because his leaving meant two years of loneliness, stuck here in the City. I had been left alone enough, I didn't know if I could handle any more.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 21, 2009 0:06:15 GMT -5
I looked between Lilli and Azriel, my brows furrowed at this sudden shift; I hadn't ever expected it! It certainly changed things, and I felt conflicted inside. On one hand, having Azriel out of the house meant more privacy for Lilli and I, which immediately made me feel guilty. It also meant that if he left, my father would likely drag me home unless I could find some one else to foster with, since I didn't think he would allow me to stay on my own. I'd have to do some serious convincing in order to make him let me stay. But that also meant more when I thought about Lilli and what she was going through. Azriel, as I understood it, was her only real family, should he leave she would be left with nothing. Just another reason why I had to convince my father to let me stay, so that I could be with her.
When she came toward me I wrapped my arms around her, holding her to me as I watched Azriel depart. "Its alright." I whispered softly as my hand caressed the soft strands of her hair, trying to comfort her. "I'm not going anywhere."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 22, 2009 12:32:30 GMT -5
His words just made me cry harder. It was a sad day when a sixteen year old boy was my rock, and the last family member I had was abandoning me. Gods, it had all happened so fast.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 22, 2009 16:10:01 GMT -5
I held onto her still, running my hand over her back to soothe her, gently whispering to her that she would be alright.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 26, 2009 14:56:08 GMT -5
Slowly my crying stopped, soothed away by Maric's comforting presence. "Don't leave," I finally whispered. "Don't leave me."
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 26, 2009 15:33:25 GMT -5
I held her tight, my heart breaking. "I won't." I said softly. "I promise."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 28, 2009 15:38:02 GMT -5
"Thank you," I whispered. I shifted so that I was no longer clutching at his shirt, but so that my arms were around his neck and my forehead rested against his neck.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 28, 2009 16:07:37 GMT -5
"You're welcome." I replied, holding her still as she shifted. "Do you want me to help you to bed?" I asked gently, no innuendo or motive behind my words, I just wanted to make sure she was alright. "Perhaps a little sleep will do you well, you never know, he may change his mind in the morning." I added trying to be positive.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 29, 2009 0:52:18 GMT -5
"He's not going to," I whispered, trying to fight off the despair that threatened me once more. "He doesn't want to."
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 29, 2009 1:20:29 GMT -5
I ran my hand up and down her back. "Come on Lilli, lets get you some where more comforting, you should be sitting down. Can I at least move you to the couch?" I asked as I kissed her forehead, ignoring her talk of Azriel leaving, I didn't want to argue with her, and she was past the point of seeing anything positive. All I wanted to do was make her comfortable and pray that Azriel would indeed change his mind.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 29, 2009 18:18:36 GMT -5
I nodded against his neck. "My room," I whispered, wanting to be able to have a locked door between myself and my uncle.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 29, 2009 22:58:21 GMT -5
"Come on." I said gently and then began to help her down the hall and to the stairs, heading in the direction of her room.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 30, 2009 10:06:34 GMT -5
I followed him mutely, trying not to shiver. I needed his arms around me again, holding me and telling me things would be alright again. And I didn't care right then in Azriel knew Maric was in my room with me. I knew nothing was going to happen. My uncle could judge all he wanted from bloody Marsilikos.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 31, 2009 23:46:31 GMT -5
I guided her upstairs and into her room, closing the door behind us as I led her to her bed. "Do you want me to leave while you get undressed?" I asked softly as I stopped us by her bed. "Or do you want me to just leave you for the evening? I'll do what ever you wish."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Oct 31, 2009 23:48:05 GMT -5
I sniffed, sitting down on the bed. "I need you to hold me. For... for a little while. Just lie with me and hold me."
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Post by Maric du Verais on Oct 31, 2009 23:51:54 GMT -5
I nodded, sitting next to her on the bed as I put my arm around her and then gently lowered us back onto the bed, our legs handing over the side.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Nov 1, 2009 1:13:08 GMT -5
Once more I buried my face into his chest, inhaling his comforting scent. With his arms around me, the world felt a little less crazy. And I desperately needed that right now.
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Post by Maric du Verais on Nov 1, 2009 13:27:15 GMT -5
I held onto her, wanting to say something, wanting desperately to make the moment seem less scary, less painful, but I couldn't find the words. The selfish part of me couldn't wait for Azriel to leave so that I could be free to spend time with Lilli as much as I wanted, to be able to hug her and kiss her in her house without worrying about what Azriel would do or say, to pretend we were actually living in the same home together, a family. But I knew deep down that even if he left it wouldn't be like that, we'd simply be playing house, either of us were old enough to really understand what being a family meant, and I wasn't sure thats what Lilli wanted either. I settled for holding her, letting a hand stroke over her arm in a caressing, soothing fashion, whispering words of encouragement. "You'll be alright, I'm here."
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