Picking up the Pieces

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I wasn't sure how long I had been gone for; after being kicked out of the tavern I sat and cried till a pair of guards kicked at me and told me to move it along. I recognized them, but I didn't think they recognized me and I was happy about that. All I needed was some of my brand new peers talking about how I had been crying on the ground out side a tavern.

I had wandered around for a bit till I decided that the best thing to do was give in, and give up. I needed to return to Christophe's home and get my things, I could live at the barracks till I found a convoy returning to Camlach.

My eyes felt swollen as I walked up to the manor and pushed open the door, my feet dragging as I sniffed in the last of my tears. I hoped that no one was home, gods I hoped no one was home.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

I knew I wouldn’t sleep until Christophe came home, but I had tried, thinking that a hot bath might at least help me relax. It had helped for as long as I was in it, but eventually I’d had enough and once I was out my nerves drew taut again.

I combed my hair out, but left it loose to dry. I but on a blue silk gown and the matching robe, the ones Christophe said matched my eyes. I was heading down the stairs to see about finding a book in the library when I heard the front door open. I hurried the rest of the way, my heart soaring at the thought that Christophe had returned.

I was greeted instead by the sight of Pierre. He looked like I had never imagined he could have and for a moment worry drove away all other thoughts and memories.

“Pierre,” I said, moving towards him. “Are you alright? What happened?”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

Damn, damn, damn, damn.

I could have at least managed had it been one of my siblings, even Christophe, but not her and I had to fight not to break down into tears. Clenching my jaw I looked up at her, tears welling but not falling over my lids I inhaled.
"What do you care?" I asked as my fists clenched at my sides.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

“Believe it or not, I do care,” I said, my voice soft and gentle as I approached him. It felt like approaching a wounded animal and I was prepared should he strike at me.

“Are you hurt?” I asked, drawing close enough to reach up and touch my fingers to his cheek, trying to see if he was wounded.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I hadn't expected it, or may be I had, the way she cared about me. It had been a long time since some one touched me the way she was and I couldn't help but lean into her touched, my eyes closing which made the tears tumble down my cheeks. I brought my hand up to hers and pressed her hand completely to my cheek as I luxuriated in the feeling before I realized what I was doing. My eyes flew open as I looked at her, my hand falling down to my side.
"Yes," I said softly as I looked at her, then realized even more then I couldn't allow myself to be soft with her... not this whore.
"And no." I added more firmly, my fists clenching again as I brushed past her.
"I'm leaving." I continued as I walked towards the stairs. "You and my family should be happy, you won, I've lost. I'm leaving and I won't come back."

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

There was something so sad and sweet in the way he leaned into my hand, pressing it more against his cheek that for a moment I forgot everything else and just tried to ease his pain with my touch.

Then his eyes flew open and he looked at me in such a way I thought he might strike me.

He brushed by me as I grasped what he was saying. “Pierre,” I said, going after him. “You don’t have to leave. You leaving won’t make anyone win. Christophe doesn’t want you to leave and neither do I. I’d like you to stay and be part of the family here.” I caught up to him and laid my hand on his arm. “Why are you leaving?”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

Why? Why...why... Gods, to answer that would take more then a simple answer, but one of the greatest reasons was because of her. I didn't want to admit it, but I wanted her, may be it was because Christophe had her, may be it was because she was the first person in a life age that had shown me compassion. Either way she was a large part of why I had to be away from here.
"Why?" I echoed as I turned to look at her, unknown anger filling me as I stalked toward her and then captured her around the waist and kissed her once more, my lips crushing hers and begging hers to respond in kind.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

This time when he kissed me it was different than it had been earlier in the day. There was something more than anger in it this time, this time there was a desperate need that I felt myself responding to without thought. For a moment, just a moment, I kissed him back, my body softening against him.

Then my senses returned and I pulled my mouth away, turning my head to the side.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

For just a moment, a fraction of a moment, she kissed me back and my blood soared, my body sang, and I wanted her to be mine. But then her lips were gone and I was breathing heavily as I tried to control my member from hardening even further; my arms still wrapped hard around her waist. I pressed my forehead to the side of her face, looking down as I took deep breaths, waiting till I could move and then tears began to form in my eyes once more. I pulled my head back enough to look at her even though she had her head turned, but I wouldn't let go of her body, not yet, not while I could hold her.
"Ask me again, ask me why I'm leaving."

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

Merciful Kushiel, how had this happened? I’d thought he had nothing but hate for me. There was no disguising what he felt, this wasn’t just drunken lust.

“You don’t have to leave,” I said softly. “But I won’t try to stop you any more if you think you must.” My hand came up and softly touched his cheek again. “You will always have a place here though should you wish to return."

[Pierre Legard (D)]

My arm released her waist and my hand reached up and grabbed her wrist, tightening my fingers around its delicate frame.
"How could you even think I'd want to stay." I said almost angrily, but I recognized hurt in my voice too. Well, what had I expected, her to turn around and tell me she loved me, that she was leaving my idiot of a brother for me.
"How can I live in this house and listen to you moan, and cry his name when he makes love to you." My arm around her waist tightened and I pressed her backward till we met with the wall and I held her there, not pinned, but certainly using my strength.
"How can I stay here and watch you look at him the way I want you to look at me." Tears fell down my cheeks again and I felt angry again. Before she could protest I released her with a jerk and flew backward.
"Ask me again why I'm leaving." My voice was ragged, torn between desire, anger, and hurt; I turned from her and walked with large stride steps toward the stairs.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

There was a part of me that wanted to give in to what I saw in Pierre’s eyes, what he said. The part of me that still so hurt by Christophe’s relationship with Soliel, tried to force the rest of me to go after Pierre. If it had been any other night, any night but this when the man I loved more than life was off watching another woman give birth to his child I could have resisted. I found myself moving away from the wall and after him a couple of steps.

“Pierre,” I whispered, not sure what I was going to say next… not sure I wanted him to even hear me and stop.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I was half way near the steps when I heard her speak my name. Any other day I would have ignored it, or heard simply my name and nothing else. But when she spoke it, it was like wings against the back of my neck that made all the hair stand on end and a shiver move over me. I turned, looking at her, the look in her face, in her eyes. I set my jaw tightly and went back toward her and when I reached her I swept her up in my arms and kissed her passionately once more; hoping, begging that I had not been wrong in doing so.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

This time it was for more than a moment that I kissed him. I kissed him deeply, tasting him, feeling the shape of his body pressed against mine. I moaned softly.

The sound reached my ears and it was like a slap. I tore my lips from his again, breathing hard. “Oh gods… I can’t,” I gasped. I tried to pull back. “I’m sorry… I can’t…”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

This time.... Gods, this time was different, it was like a tidal wave washing over me, crushing me with its power and I kissed her with wanton pleasure and desire. Her body pressed to mine, fitting to mine perfectly and... gods.... a sweet little moan escaped her lips and sent my heart racing.

But then she pulled back.

I could have been mad, hurt, upset, but her kiss was nothing short of miraculous and made me feel like a new man.
"Please," I whispered softly. "Just kiss me, I ask nothing more." I said as I held her still though let her have a bit of distance.
"Consider it a dieing man's last request. For when my brother finds out what I've done he'll surely have me killed." I said with a hint of a smile.
"I promise I won't say anything to him Malabelle, despite how I feel about him, I wouldn't do that to you. If you love him, you wish to marry him, then that is up to you. I just want you to be happy and I'd never say anything to change that. I'll even come to the wedding and behave to prove it. Just...." I tightened my hold on her just a little.
"One last kiss good bye."

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

My mind refused to focus enough for me to think clearly. His words made my chest ache and the lonely, betrayed part inside me wanted to whisper for him to take me to his room. That part of me wanted to do something to hurt Christophe.

I couldn’t though, that part of me was no longer the loudest voice in my head. I loved Christophe and no matter how I hurt, I couldn’t hurt him that badly.

What was one more kiss? As much as I would never admit it, Pierre’s arms felt nice around me and what I saw in his eyes touched something deep inside me.

“Not here,” I whispered. “Not in the hallway. Someone is going to see.”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

My heart soared and I couldn't help but smile and pulled back enough to take her hand and give her space.
"Where ever you wish my lady." I said softly. "Lead the way."

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

Still half unfocused, I led him into my study, it was the closest room where I knew we wouldn’t be disturbed. Once inside, I saw the stack of gifts I’d been wrapping earlier.

“I have a gift for you,” I said, releasing his hand and retrieving the box that held the black belt stitched with silver swords. I turned to face him and held out the wrapped box. “I bought it this morning.”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I looked around her study... their study I suppose... as she lead me in and then looked at her as she walked away, speaking of a gift. I reached out and took the gift, my mouth agape a little as I stood both dumbfounded and confused. Looking up and her I held the gift and turned it over and over before looking back down at her, my eyes one the gift.
"No one's ever given me anything before." I said as I swallowed, unable to look at her as I studied the box. I didn't want to open it, I didn't want to ruin the perfection of the wrapped box, I wanted to keep the gift a secret in its tomb. I was simply happy just to have it in my hands.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

“That’s not possible,” I said, surprised and confused. “How can you never have gotten a gift?”

I stepped closer to him, looking from him to the box and back again. “Don’t you want to open it?” I asked softly.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I shook my head and looked at her.
"I want to keep like this forever." I said a bit foolish, and realizing that I gave a shy half smile.
"When we were growing up we had very little money, and after... after Christophe left my parents we less inclined to celebrate much, or give us much." I said softly as I looked down and the present, running my hand over the brown wrapping paper.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

“Alright,” I said, understanding completely. I remembered the first time I’d been given a wrapped gift and how it had seemed like miracle. I’d left it unopened for all of a day before I had to see what was inside.

“If you ever wish to know what’s inside, I will tell you,” I said softly. I reached out and touched his cheek again. “Where will you go?”

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I placed the gift down, knowing that I would unwrap it one day, but not right now, and focused on her. Pressing toward her I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tenderly against me.
"The barracks." I said softly as I leaned my head into her touch, my right hand stroking over her back gently. "They often have cots open for some of the men to stay at until they can afford proper housing." I said softly.
"I'll stay there until..." I took a breath. "I don't know, I was going to go back to Camlach, to give in and retreat, but now..." I leaned in and kissed her lips chastely and fleetingly. "Now I'm not so sure." Gods, how I wanted more then just a kiss from her, I wanted to touch her, to know every inch of her porcelain skin, but I had promised that I wouldn't ask for more and I wouldn't.
"May be I'll try to find what you have with Christophe."

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

It was hard not to let myself give in to his touches, the soft feel of his caresses. He was only the second person ever to hold me like this.

And how fitting for my life that it was his brother that was the first person. It seemed life was not done throwing cruel twists into my life.

“You’re a good man, Pierre,” I said, looking up into his eyes. “You’ll find someone to love you the way you deserve. And you’ll always have a home here, with us.”

One more kiss…

My hand slipped into his hair and I drew his mouth down to mine and I kissed him.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I smiled at her words, hoping that they were true enough that the gods would see fit to grant me some one to be with, some one that would love me wholly and completely. With that her hand caressed the back of my head and she kissed me... she... kissed me.
I kissed her back, fully, completely, wanting to draw every last ounce of strength she could give me, wanting to truly believe I was a new man and that she had given that to me. We had a strange connection she and I, something I never had thought possible when I first walked into this house, but here I was, smitten over my brother's fiance and kissing her while he was out. It wasn't so much that I was taking what was his, no, that didn't even matter to me, what matter to me was who Malabelle was, who she was to me, and I couldn't understand better what my brother saw in her. I hope that one day I would meet some one just as special.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

I kissed him deeply, giving him what he’d asked of me, truly kissing him. This time I didn’t tear my lips from his but when the kiss ended I stepped back, out of the circle of his arms.

“Be safe, Pierre,” I whispered.

[Pierre Legard (D)]

I was sad to see it end, but I knew it had to, and as reluctant as I was, I let her pull back and apart from me. But as unhappy as I was about not being able to kiss her more, I couldn't help but smile, I couldn't help but feel freer and... and happier. Bending over I picked up the wrapped gifted and tapped it with the first finger of my other hand as I looked at her.
"Thank you for this." I said softly and then came toward her, leaning in to give her a chaste and quick peck on the cheek.
"And congratulations." I added before pulling back to look at her and smile. I then turned and walked away before turning on my heal to look at her.
"Oh, and tell Christophe..." I stopped, thinking about what I would want her to say when he came home to find I had moved out.
"Tell him I'll see him around." I chuckled, shook my head and then turned on my heal once more, heading out the door, headed for my room to pack my things.

[Malabelle Shahrizai]

Blindly, I reached for a chair and finding one I sat down. My hands covered my face as I tried to figure out what had happened. I was a mix of guilt and happiness. Pierre seemed like a different man, he’d seemed that way ever since I’d truly returned his kiss.

How was I going to explain this to Christophe? I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, burying my face against them. Oh gods…what had just happened?