Always Bittersweet and Costly

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

Whether or not I had any coin to spare, the candy shop always drew me in, at least three times a week, when I could help it. Perhaps it was the well knowing, odd Tsingano woman who owned it or the small containers of sweets that seemed like a bowl of forbidden fruit laid on the table, I wasn't sure. The place was rickety and rundown, yet because of their quality and prices, generally frequented by nobles and the occasional royal with a particularly unique taste. Rundown or not, the place always held up with just exactly what someone was looking for. The Tsingano, Alangora, seemed to have an eye, ear and tongue for knowing what someone walking in needed or wanted, what was that one candy that would set their tongue aflame, continually begging for more. It had not been she that had barbed me, for I was not one to enter such unwanted shops for no reason, but in fact, one of my patrons who had first purchased the cinnamon sweet with the vicious bite, Kushiel's Apple, for me.

As I always said, it had a kicking flavor to make an unknowing grown man cry from pain, but as soon as it was dissolved or spat out, there was an overwhelming sweet that dulled out all pain. The sweetness by itself would have been too much to handle, but following the pain, it was just right, perfect, hand in hand, much like Kushiel's punishment of sinners. Much like Valerian house. I had only learned after egging Alangora again and again before I found out that my patron had bought the sweets as his patron gift and also to win me over, as well as give warning. It had definitely won me over and though I had not seen him for quite some time, but I never forgot the face of the noble who thought it so kind to not only reward and addict me at the same time.

I was in the shop, my first time this week and the Tsingano looked up, expectantly and smiled, her teeth gapped, but as always, she returned to her stove behind the counter, concocting up someone else's trap, no doubt. I did not linger more on her, for I frequented enough that she knew I mostly browsed but did not mind as I popped each of the barrels open to see what new candy she had come up with. While she made new ones by the week, she always kept a couple spares of the unpopular ones, in case the person who needed that particular sweet decided to waltz in.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

I had plans on calling on the Queen in the near future and wanted to bring her a gift. Candy seemed perfect, sweet and memorable, but also perfectly innocent – if one didn’t know the real intentions behind the gift.

My intentions took me to the little candy shop in the Doorstep. I’d been there before and knew the quality was unsurpassed. Opening the door, I stepped into the shop, letting the sweet and spicy air of the place draw me in like a beckoning wave from a beautiful woman.

The lady owner looked up from her work and smiled at me. I returned the smile and bowed slightly, she more than deserved the respect. I closed the door and began to browse the offerings, looking for something to please her majesty.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

Even if the shop sold entirely legal goods, there was something about that them that did not seem right. There were no small little chocolate truffles, painted into small boxes or innocent things for one's lover. All of it seemed to be personal, made by Alangora and it seemed to be handcrafted for each personal entirely. She always seemed to make enough for only one person's order and in all my years frequenting this place, I had never seen any sold to a child. Much as a knife as a food, they were double-edged. What did one do, when they were continually hungry for more of her expensive goods?

With the tinkle of the copper bell she kept on the door (though I did not know why, she always seemed to know when someone was going to come in), I turned to look out of my peripheral vision, but had to turn my head to make sure I was seeing the right person. Gabriel Shahrizai. It was a couple of weeks since I had given him my name and I had not seen him since. We seemed to be on level terms and perhaps, the game of cat and mouse was over now that he had gotten what he wanted. I could only hope, for I no longer had any shamelessness to turn tail and leave. After our last encounter, my pride was reigning strong at the mere thought of his name. I ducked my head down so that he would not see me, but it seemed that Alangora had other plans.

"Ah," the Tsingano said with her gapped smile, seemingly amused by something. "Sinclair," she called and I turned my head towards her, but it seemed to be for no particular reason, just to say it before she looked over at Gabriel. "I'm just about done with a batch of your Caramel de Soleil, eh?" She said with a smirk as she placed doplets on a chopping board to dry before she packaged them. Each name of the candy seemed specific to what they were. Kushiel's Apple was fitting for me and I could only wonder what was in that that was made specifically for Gabriel's taste buds. "Or perhaps you are looking for a gift for someone special, hm?"

She had a glint of mischief in her eyes that I did not like and I returned to shuffling through the barrel, trying to pretend I was not eavesdropping, nor cared that Gabriel was here at all.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

Sinclair?

I looked up and indeed, there he was. Yet another treat here among the tempting offerings. How fitting.

My attention returned to Alangora. “Both perhaps,” I said with a smile, moving to the counter. She lifted one of the candies she’d designed for me and held it up, offering it to me from between her weathered fingers. Leaning in, I plucked the candy from between her fingers with my lips, placing a kiss on her fingertips before giving her a wink and straightening up. The candy had a rich caramel center and was covered in cinnamon spiced dark chocolate. I moaned low with pleasure as the flavors filled my mouth.

“Better every time,” I told her. She smiled wide. I rather enjoyed flirting with her, it was fun. “Your skill makes the angels weep.” She made a dismissive gesture at me and then began to wrap my candies. “I need a gift as well. Have you any suggestions?”

“Look around,” she said, waving me in the direction where Sinclair was. “There might be something you want out there.”

Oh but how right she was. Chuckling to myself I began to slowly browse in his direction.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

Curse her.

I suppose she did me well as much as she did me wrong, for she had warned me of Naia Shahrizai and for that, I knew well to stay away from her. Dromonde or no, she had a perceptive eye that always seemed to hit right in the bull's eye. I stiffened when she said there was something that he wanted in her shop and I did not have to be a fool to know what she was playing at.

"I have a little treat for you, Sinclair, if you decide to stay for that long."

Now I could not possibly make an escape, even if my pride had willed it. She always drove me to curiosity that I could not describe and I had not eaten any of her candies besides Kushiel's Apple, for they were way out of my price range. Also, she had never made me another candy. They always seemed to be fit for one person and I did not realize that someone could have two, fitting to their taste.

"Gabriel," I said curtly as he approached and nodded my head to show that I saw him there before I began to drift towards the counter to watch Alangora, though I was also keeping a close watch on my back.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

“Sinclair,” I said, letting my tongue caress his name slightly as I said it. I inclined my head to him as he passed. It made me chuckle inside that he tried to be so stiff and rude to me. It only made him more appealing.

I opened a jar and inhaled the scent of candied violets before browsing some more.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

"Here, Sinclair," Alangora said as she finished up the candy with a wave of her wooden spatula as the thick and dark chocolate oozed from its tip. She gave a low little chuckle, "Oh, it seems a bit too big for one person to pop in their mouth and there can be a clean break for someone to share. Why don't you give one to that nice young man. Gabriel Shahrizai, Sinclair." She introduced us, though I knew him well and I hated her for playing sport at my obvious nervousness and stiffness, though she had always been quite the character.

As soon as it tried, I picked up the candy from where she left it and handed out the other, bulbous half for Gabriel to break off so that we could share it. Even I would put down my pride to have a taste of what Alangora had to offer. I stared at him angrily, though I knew that this was just a chance incident and I had nothing to be angry about. He had not caught me with my hands on a spicy book nor at L'Roche, the place I detested, nor in Valerian, where I could easily watch my back. This was even ground on all levels.

"Thanks for the book," I said, once I remembered. I had finished it quickly, but I had shoved it on the bottom drawer, not wanting to think about it. "I mean to return it, if you ever stop by Valerian House, please allow me to." I was not INVITING him to go to Valerian and see me, however, and I tried to make that clear with my words.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

“It was a gift, not a loan,” I said as I returned to the counter. “I hope you enjoyed it.”

Raising my hand, I let my fingers just almost touch his before I broke off the piece of chocolate but not quite. I kept my eyes on him as I brought the chocolate to my lips and took a bite of it. It was delicious of course and my eyes swept closed with enjoyment.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

The only thing I had tried before in Alangora's sweet shop were Kushiel's Apples. From what I had asked of other patrons, most of them tended to be sweet, with a tinge of spice and the occasional nut and filling. However, this was strange. She used such a dark chocolate but filled it with a sweet center that made it impossible to tell if it was bitter or sweet, with one small, unexpected nut that jarred my teeth as I ate it. Bitter coat, sweet center... and a jarring surprise.

"Thank you." I knew her hospitality never came without a price. At times, she gave away free candies, but only to addict and while it was good, it was not the same for me as Kushiel's Apples were. "What are they called?" I asked, fearing her answer for they always had a reason.

"Intertwined." She said simply, the word pouring from her lips. Most of her candy names came in a two pair: Kushiel's Apple, Kusheth's Gem, Sun's Caramel. This was merely... intertwined. I was not sure what she was trying to get at exactly, but it was clear enough with how I had shared and broken off the piece with this Shahrizai and it irked me to no end. "It's made to be shared. I hope you did like it, Sinclair."

I looked over at Gabriel for a long moment. "I realize that and I did enjoy it, thank you," I said curtly, "I would like to return it, that is all. I'd like to have no debts between us." Even if it had been a gift. I found me forcing myself to be angered, but Gabriel was keeping his cool unlike the last time we met and it was hard to find anything to stomp out on.

"Perhaps next time you come," Alangora said in her sickly sweet voice. "You will find something more suitable for your gift. Until then, please take mine and I will ponder on what you need, Gabriel." I was unsure if she just meant her candy gift. I didn't want to assume. There was always a time when she said 'time to go' and it was then and I headed out.

"Come along Gabriel," I said over my shoulder. She wanted me to leave and take him, she'd have it.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

Sinclair turned and headed for the door, calling me to heel as if we had that sort of relationship.

I chuckled and looked to Alangora. She held up a box of my candies and I took them, leaving coins in her hand as I did. “Thank you, my lady,” I said with a smile.

Then I turned to follow Sinclair. “Coming, Sinclair,” I said, unable to keep the smile from my voice.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

There was that laugh, that mirth in his voice that irritated me to no end. Finally, the door jangled shut twice--once for me and the other for Gabriel and I turned to give him a look. It was not really angry nor enraged, just watching, observing him. Unsure.

"Alangora's quite a card, isn't she?" I asked with a scoff. Intertwined. How dare she give that to me to share with this Shahrizai and only give me a piece of advice for Naia. Surely she was nowhere near as dangerous as this one? Then again, I refused to admit that I was actually having a bit of fun with this game, however tiring it was starting to become. It was slowly beginning to wear out and soon, I knew, Gabriel would be nothing more than an inconvenience to my life, not something that made me stop and look.

"Well, I hope I will see you at Valerian House, I do mean to return the book. After all, you said it was interesting and maybe you can spend some time reading it." I did not want to have anything from Gabriel in my possession or anywhere near me. It was like an itch I could not scratch, a gnawing in the back of my mind. If I could, I would rid myself of it now.

"I'm heading back to Valerian House, if you're headed that way I can give it to you then." Or I'd just have to wait. "I'll see you then, Shahrizai," I said, turning to walk away.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

He did so like to hear himself talk, didn’t he? He ran on without giving me a chance to respond and then turned his back on me to walk away.

“Sinclair,” I said, only loud enough for my voice to carry to him. I would not say more to his back.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

I turned to face him, arms folded over my chest when he called me. I never knew really how to talk to someone properly. Brash words were always on my lips and I liked to escape them, especially with this man who was grating my nerves just by standing there and being polite.

"Yes, Gabriel," I said simply. I knew the man would not follow me to Valerian House. What was he wasting his breath for? I'd just have to find another way to get the book to him.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

I stepped closer to him so that we were at polite conversational distance, not raising our voices on a public street.

“The book was a gift, returning it will be an offense and I will take it as such. I did not give it to you to create any sort of debt, but because it seemed something you liked. I know adepts aren’t likely to have extra coin to spend on luxuries such as a book, and since I did have the coin it seemed a perfect way to give you something you liked and perhaps a little bit of honor to the service you do,” I told him, my voice calm and even the whole time. “If you feel my gift has created some sort of debt on your part, then all I can suggest is you finding a way to level the field that does not include returning the book.”

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

"Yes, but I didn't need your charity..." I started when he told me that adepts did not have extra coin to spend on the luxuries of a book. That was why I spent most of my time in the bookstore, at any rate, and no one knew it more than I how precious it was to earn even a ducat from a prince. Honor to the service that I did? I scoffed a little when he said that, for I had shared none of my services to him. However, I could only pause when he said to level the playing field. I would have much rather returned the book, but it seemed that the Shahrizai was just as stubborn as I on the matter.

"Level the playing field it is."

Once again, I silently cursed my pride for not allowing me to simply get up and leave and take the book for what it was, a gift. I refused to have anything given to me by a Shahrizai, and if need be, I'd buy it off with what little I could. I took those two steps that separated us and craned my neck upwards, tugging him down by a hand on his neck, my fingers laced in his hair. Whether or not I was doing it out of debt, I would not sully my skills and gave him a kiss, one that most of my patrons did not even get without forcing me. I was forceful, pushing in my rage, but fueling it into passion and pressed my tongue against his. I broke away, at the end, once I felt that the kiss was long enough to suffice.

"Does that cover the price of the book?" Without an exchange of coin, it was impossible to tell and I wanted to be sure that we agreed that I owed nothing.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

Such a look on his face there was that when he stepped towards me it was hard to tell if he was going to kiss me or punch me. Fortunately it was the first. I could feel the anger in him as he kissed me, even as his fingers tangled in my braids. I kissed him back to a point, but mostly I just let him kiss me, wanting to see how far he would go. I could still taste the faint hint of chocolate on him, but mostly it was him I tasted and oh what a lovely flavor it was indeed. He was spicy and bitter and beneath it all a sweetness that had me instantly addicted.

“Oh yes,” I said, my voice lower than it had been before he kissed me. “If anything I think it is I that owe you a debt now.”

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

I wanted to smack him when he said that he owed me a debt, but I used what little restraint I had and placed my hands in clenched fists at my side as I forced a smile and believe me, it was as forced as it ever was and it probably looked like I was trying to smile, whilst getting stabbed in the ribs and having a blade plunged into my lung.

"Please. We're even and nobody owes anyone anything." And I wanted it at that. I hated that expression on his face, one that sought more than what was given to him. One that was not satisfied with just a taste. "Thank you, again, for the book," I said curtly.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

“You didn’t owe me anything before the kiss,” I pointed out. My fingers came up and lightly touched my tingling lips. “Thank you. That was…” I let the pause drag on for a moment as if I was struggling to find an adequate word. “Wonderful.”

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

I bristled s, though I did not move until he said his piece about how the kiss was. I did not want to admit it, but I had lingered, waiting to hear what he would dare say about it. With one quick motion, I grabbed his hand in a crushing grip and let out a snarl, "Yes, and I owe you nothing now." I completely ignored how he said I owed him nothing before the kiss. "And I want none of your gifts so that it stays that way, because that is the last you are ever getting of me."

I would not contract a Shahrizai, for I had this gnawing feeling that while most of my patrons gave me barely any for a patron gift, that a Shahrizai would do the opposite just to whip my nerves and fury. More than that, a night with them, never submitting would be hell. I finally released my death grip on Gabriel's hand and pulled away.

"Intertwined, Alangora says," I scoffed, disgusted.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

He knew so little about me. He had no idea how close I came to backhanding him into the street when he grabbed my hand. He had no right to lay hands on me like that. And yet, the fact that he did was a testament to how impulsive he was feeling inside.

“So sure of yourself,” I whispered before grabbing his hand and pulling him against me. My hand buried in his hair and I kissed him. I kissed him with passion and pleasure, no dominance – not yet. Slowly I explored his lips with my tongue, holding him to me as I hoped for him to grant me access to his mouth.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

"I am--" I started before he suddenly grabbed me. I was in such a state of shock that before I knew it, I felt his hand buried in my hair and he was kissing me. I was absolutely startled, for no one had dared to do something like this to me before, no one had the death wish to try. For moments, I stood there in complete and utter disbelief, but once it washed over, only disgust was left and I could feel him trying to push into my mouth and I only pursed my lips, giving him a sharp shove with my free arm, though I was unsure of if I could get free. He had a strong grip in my hair and on my other hand.

I pulled my head away, enough that Gabriel would be kissing my cheek and not my lips.

"Release me this instance!" I snarled in fury, ready to bite and knee him in the groin if I had to.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

I released him, but didn’t step back. “Oh, so it’s alright for you to just kiss me and to accost me but I am not allowed to kiss you to fulfill my debt?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

"I kissed you because I had a debt," I spat, not liking this at all. If we just kept on passing the debt back and forth this could go on forever and I had a feeling that that was exactly what Gabriel Shahrizai wanted. "You, sir, did not have a debt for I said that the kiss was my payment for a book. You absolutely made that up." I scowled a little, not being the one to pull away, to be the coward who retreated like I normally did. I was sick and tired of this game and I would be the mouse that held his ground, tired of running from this cat.

"Gabriel. Is my debt for the book repaid or not? If the kiss did not suffice, then I will kiss you again until you are thoroughly satisfied," I said, though my voice had that bite of anger and rage in it. "You, do not have a debt with me." I wasn't sure how many times I had to repeat myself before it got into his thick skull.

"Stop making excuses to kiss me."

It was then that I realized that I had kissed him because I had a debt, but it hadn't been an excuse to kiss him. Why would I want to? I gripped my head in frustration.

"This is getting nowhere, you're just frustrating the life out of me!"

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

“Sinclair, you are the one that started this,” I pointed out. “I told you there was no debt for the book, and yet you refused to just accept the gift. Does everyone who gives you a gift then also create a debt with you? I was willing to let it go at that, but you kept on about owing me a debt. I was also willing to let you pay me back in some way, even though it was a bit of an insult since it ruined what was just a nice gesture on my part. You could have run an errand for me, sang me a song, done nothing more than accompanied me on the walk home and talked to me, those would all have been fair payment.”

“You kissed me.”

“I am no dolt, I know what it means for an adept to give out a kiss and that was worth far more than any book I could have given you. I was just playing by your rules Sinclair. You are the one who has set up this game, not me.”

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

"I cannot accept a gift. Not from you."

Others, perhaps and certainly not from complete strangers and I could only hope that that was the way that it would stay. After all, I had accepted the gift from Alangora without question with no means to repay the debt, however, who was Gabriel to me that I could accept his gift, just like I would not accept an unknown package from a stranger. He may have known my name, but there was nothing more to that.

"I accept gifts from my patrons and my friends and you are neither," I said, seething between y teeth. However, when he mentioned what else I could have done for fair payment I paused. I had been almost certain that that was what he wanted for payment but regardless of what he wanted, he was right. Any of those would have sufficed. Running an errand... walking him home... why had I jumped to conclusions so quickly and without thinking, moved to kiss him?

I was the one left quiet at this and my lips pursed, unsure of what move I was to make. Retreat, or stay in this battle I was surely already losing. I let out a loud, frustrated breath.

"And the games over. You got me a book, so I kissed you and you leveled your own debt by returning it. Both of us are done, debt free." I said this slow and clear. Why was there always conflict between us, no matter how I avoided it? "You have your kiss. Are you satisfied?" I wasn't sure if I meant for the debt or with me in general. I could only hope, I wanted him out of my skin. Whether or not the kiss had been divine, I ignored. He knew how to kiss a Valerian, he was a Shahrizai, after all. Passionate and dominate, I could feel his taste lingering on his lips. It was always thus, my body wanting one thing and my pride, my mind wanting another. I stuck to my pride, however, I always did. Just because little Gabriel knew how to kiss meant nothing to me. Many of my patrons did, as well, but whether or not they performed it in the way that he did was another thing entirely.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

“Oh no, what I gave can’t be qualified as a kiss. I at least let you actually kiss me, didn’t stand there and make it like you might as well have been kissing the building,” I said, shaking my head. “I still owe you Sinclair. I shall find a way to repay you that doesn’t involve kissing or even touching, since for some reason you seem disgusted by my very presence, though for the life of me I can’t understand why. I have done nothing to warrant your hatred, I have been nothing but kind, and have gone out of my way not to interfere with your life. I could have easily forced you to be with me by now, but I’ve not made a single motion in that direction.”

I stepped backward a couple steps. “I really do have a gift I need to buy and I think Alangora will be understanding of my not wanting to wait.” I bowed slightly. “Have a good day Sinclair.” Turning, I opened the door and went back into the candy shop to find a gift for Sabrina.

[Sinclair nó Valerian]

I felt like a fox that had been pushed to the edged in a hunt, was about to be cut and skinned and suddenly, released by the hunter. I was not sure whether or not to be happy or furious, still ready for a fight or confused or sad that this had not ended in a battle that left one of us the victor. Gabriel one, in the end, and not in the way that I thought he would. I had never before seen a retreat as a victory, but perhaps that is one thing that I should have learned from him, along with patience. Whether or not I was running headlong into his trap I could not say, but now I was the one who could not leave it where it stood.

It was a conflicting feeling. I was used to such things in my life, living paradoxes and oxymorons, yet here I was with one that I did not know how to face when he turned and left, stating those facts that came all so clear. The only thing that made me flush with rage was when he said he could have easily forced me to be with him and I was about to bark at him, until I realized it was true. All he had to do was tell Trinette, with my rocky standing I would have had no choice but to agree, especially when I had no reason to believe that he was a patron that I would not enjoy.

I walked home, speechless for a long while and brooding this long and hard. He owed me and at the same time, I owed him thrice as much for I was shamed, my pride shattered in a way that merely glaring at him and winning a battle of words would not heal. He retreated and won and I was dumbfound in disbelief.

[Gabriel Shahrizai]

Entering the store again, I sighed softly and shook my head. That boy was going to get himself hurt some day. He was going to mess with someone who had no qualms about hurting an adept and hopefully it wouldn’t damage him permanently.

“Back again?” Alangora asked with a knowing chuckle. “For a gift this time, or perhaps two?”

“Just one, for a special lady,” I said, smiling and stepping further in the store.

“For the lady you want this,” she said, showing me a box of candies wrapped in blue foil. “Chocolates of the finest quality I have ever made. Each one with a sweet center that will flavor the tongue for hours.”

“That is perfect, thank you,” I said, beginning to pull out coins.

“You’ll be wanting these too,” she said, placing a bag on the counter.

“What are those?” I asked. I’d already gotten my own candies.

“Kushiel’s Apples,” she said with a grin. “There’s a boy who comes in here, just loves them to death.” She added a wink at the end.

My smile grew. “You are an angel,” I said, placing a large amount of coins on the counter and taking the two packages.

“Good luck,” she said, then waved me off. Grinning widely I returned to the palace.