Giving It All Away - Guy and Sandrine

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

Corin held my hand tightly as we walked besides the cart of food. He was looking around for his rival Guy, I knew, and I smiled, because I was looking around too, albeit with a little more subtlety. My little friend would learn. If he stayed in Orchis, which I hoped would be the case, I might be the one to teach him.

"Are you tired, Corin?" I asked, looking down at him. "You can ride on the cart if you want."

"No, Sandi, I'm fine," he chirped, still trying to seek out Guy. It was amusing because Corin had no idea what the Cassiline looked like. "I like walking with you." He paused, as if trying to think of what to say. "Is that man who wrote you the letter coming today?" he asked, as nonchalantly as a nine year old can. With a shock I realized that it was almost time for the Dowayne to decide if she would continue to foster Corin.

"I think so," I said, squeezing his hand. "Why, are you jealous?" In a way, I was glad that my shadow was here. It would hopefully keep me from doing anything improper. Plus Guy would bring his ward, which meant we would have two chaperons. Much safer than clandestine meetings in a patron's house. There were not many other adepts with me today, so Guy and Rochelle's help would be greatly appreciated.

Corin shook his head. "Nooo, of course not," he lied, cheeks coloring as he kissed my hand. "Sometimes I just like having you all to myself."

"Oooh, you little charmer!" I laughed. "You've been talking to Keegan, haven't you?"

Corin just smiled mysteriously.

We finally reached the small courtyard where we had been giving out the food. There was already a small group of regulars assembled, including some children. True to form, Corin ran off with a pack of Tsingani boys, leaving me to do most of the work.

Images of Guy flickered through my mind as I stacked the food to make it easier to hand out. I remembered the kiss we had shared, so full of pain and passion that it made my chest hurt and my stomach fluttered to think about it, and I sighed softly. Suddenly I was very nervous, and excited, all at the same time.

[Guy de Layne]

I had casually mentioned to Rochelle the plight of the people of Night's Doorstep and Sandrine's solution, and, as I expected, she was moved to help. I admit that I did feel a bit guilty for manipulating her to my own ends, but I told myself that it was for the good of the people, and wasn't that also something that I stood for, as a Cassiline? Denis was a bit bemused by the whole thing, but he was willing to give Rochelle her way, if only to keep her out of his hair.

So it was that we found ourselves heading to Night's Doorstep with a carriage full of goods gleaned from the pantry, and some that Rochelle had bought especially to give away. She had only been my ward for a short time, but watching her excitement at helping those less fortunate made me proud. If I ever had a daughter, I hoped that she would be as sweet and kindhearted as Rochelle.

Once we had arrived at the place Sandrine had specified, I felt my stomach turn and I took a deep breath to keep the knots away. I was strong in my faith, and I had come to the decision that my feelings for Sandrine were a test, and one I was determined to pass. What manner of Cassiline was I, if I fell apart the first time I had feelings for a woman? I was sure that I wasn't the first Cassiline to feel this way, nor would I be the last, and it was something I would simply have to survive. There was no reason to avoid Sandrine, though I would not put myself in the position of being alone with her again. I was confident in my faith, but I was not a complete fool.

I helped Rochelle down from the carriage, and then began gathering the boxes of food. The driver helped, jumping down and grabbing a box full of bread and cheese. My own box was full of salted beef, quite a bit heavier. My muscles strained as I lifted it from the carriage and then turned to find a good place to set it. That was when I saw her, passing food to a young child. Already I could feel my resolve crumbling to dust, and I wondered, had any man ever fallen so completely, helplessly in love, so quickly?

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

I heard the carriage pull up before I saw it, and I took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. It was a futile exercise, I knew, but I figured I might as well try.

I put two fingers in my mouth and whistled. Corin came running, and I knelt down to his level and pointed at the other carriage. "Is that him?" Corin asked. I nodded once, feeling myself tremble slightly.

"Can...can you stay close to me?" I asked, standing slowly. Corin looked at me strangely, but then he smiled and reached for my hand. I squeezed it gently. Then I turned to one of the older adepts and said I needed to direct the other carriage.

We walked over to Guy and a girl who must have been Rochelle. I took another deep breath, even as I felt Corin wriggling beside me. I was squeezing his hand too tightly, and I quickly let go.

"I'm glad you could make it," I said, grinning like a fool. I wanted to embrace him, to press my lips to his, but instead I turned and gestured to the line. "Ah...we've already got a small group over there, but it might be easier if we start again over here..." I gently patted Corin on the shoulder. "Can you go get some of the people at the end of the line, so we can start handing out food?" He nodded, and with a wary glance at Guy Corin took off running.

"Corin's my...assistant," I said, watching him for a moment before turning back to Guy and Rochelle. And then I glanced at Rochelle and smiled. "Oh, I'm sorry...my manners." I leaned over and gave Rochelle the kiss of greeting. "I'm Sandrine nó Orchis. You must be Rochelle. The pleasure is all mine," I said, curtseying. And then I looked at Guy, which I quickly realized was the wrong thing to do. All of the feelings of that night, the pain and the pleasure, it all came rushing back as my eyes met his. I bit my lip and quickly looked away.

To still the beating of my heart, I started looking at the boxes they had brought. "Elua, Naamah, and Eisheth! You have so much here!" I said, turning and beaming at Rochelle. "Here, you can hand out some bread and cheese to everyone...and maybe some of this beef..." I could feel myself starting to babble, but it was better than the alternative. "...how does that sound?"

[Guy de Layne]

I realized that the sound I was hearing was my own blood pounding in my ears, and I had to force myself to concentrate when Sandrine and the lad approached us. "I can see you have quite the crowd." I said, surveying the line of people who were waiting patiently. It was an impressive turnout. "Do you ever have to turn people away?" I looked down at her 'assistant,' a young boy who appeared to be looking daggers at me. Or was it my imagination? It must have been, as he scampered off at Sandrine's bidding. It appeared I wasn't the only one around here wrapped around her little finger.

I watched as she greeted Rochelle, who flushed a bright red at Sandrine's curtsy, and stammered out a reply. My heart went out to the child, so painfully shy. I touched her arm gently and leaned down, whispering in her ear. "I promise, Sandrine doesn't bite." I smiled encouragingly, though inwardly I wondered if indeed I was telling Rochelle the truth. Who knew what Sandrine might do, in the throes of passion? I stopped that train of thought as quickly as possible - that way lay the worst kind of madness.

Sandrine seemed pleased at the food we had brought, and I felt myself swelling with pride, even though it had been Rochelle's doing. I could tell that Sandrine was feeling as discomfited as I, her words fairly fell over one another, but I took a deep breath and smiled at her, a serene calmness coming over me. If this friendship was all we could ever have, it was enough. It had to be.

"Come, Rochelle, let us hand out some food to these people, here." Corin had brought us a new line, and I hand a loaf of bread, a small brick of cheese, and a pound of salted beef to the first person in the line.

"Thank you, my lord." The woman said, tears gleaming in her eyes. "May Elua bless you!" I felt a pang of guilt as I thought on my feather bed, the large repast I had eaten this morning, the effortless payment of debts that I enjoyed. Where was the justice in the world, when some people had so much that they could hardly use it all, and others did not even have enough to feed their children?

Rochelle had found her courage, and followed my example, handing food out to the next person in the line. I stepped back, allowing her to do this, smiling and watching as she gained confidence. I felt like I was seeing something in her, a blossoming of sorts. I looked over at Sandrine and said quietly, "Thank you for having us, Rochelle needed this." There was so much more I wanted to say to her, but I had to leave it unsaid, and simply believe that she knew.

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

"We haven't turned anyone away so far," I said, grateful to think about something, anything, but the thoughts that were currently racing through my mind. "Even if there isn't quite enough food, we just try to give less to make it work." I smiled down at Rochelle. "It's sort of like a juggling act, trying to keep it all straight." The girl seemed nice enough, if painfully shy. Guy whispered something in her ear, and I sighed softly as I saw his smile. That would be the extent of our pleasure, I knew, the beginning and end. We would never be alone together, not if I could help it. I cared too much to allow Guy to be corrupted by me. It wasn't the first time I had been a bad influence, but in this case I would have to show restraint.

The other adept seemed to be handing the original line, and so I helped Guy and Rochelle. Corin stayed near, as I had asked, but now his attention seemed to be a bit divided between myself and Rochelle. I shook my head as I watched him stare.

I was jolted out of my reverie by Guy. It took me a few seconds to respond. "I should be thanking you," I said, smiling up at him. "The food...and the help...is greatly appreciated." He looked like he wanted to say something else, and so did I, really. But we had already gone too far, and I couldn't cross that boundary again. I opened my mouth, closed it, and then smiled. "She seems like a sweet girl, even if she is far too shy." I chuckled. "Maybe she should spend some time with us in Orchis. We're very good at bringing people out of their shell." I took a deep breath and looked down. "You're welcome by, any time you like...you and Rochelle, I mean...if you want..." Gods, I must have sounded like a fool. I wanted to speak freely, really I did, but there were so many people around, and I didn't want to do anything untoward.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. I did want to do so many untoward things. I repressed the urge to sigh, instead continuing to smile as if everything was normal.

[Guy de Layne]

I nodded as Sandrine explained the way they had to apportion food, and decided that we would bring food every week. Everyone should get enough. I was about to say as much, when Rochelle piped up, with more vigor than I had ever heard from her before.

"Can we bring food every week, Guy?" She looked up at me with her pale blue eyes, and I had to chuckle softly.

"That's up to your father, Rochelle, but I don't mind bringing you here, as long as it's all right with him." It was an odd feeling, this almost-parenthood, and at times in my career I had felt like a glorified babysitter, but with Rochelle, it was different. She really did need someone to protect her, if only from the pain and negligence she suffered at the hands of her own parents. I realized with a start that this was the only ward I'd ever had that I actually cared for, and that it was gratifying.

As Corin and Rochelle passed out the food, Sandrine and I conversed. Her nearness was intoxicating, but I could sense that she shared the same resolve as I. It only made me admire her more, that she would care enough for me to respect vows that did not bind her in the least, and were probably a mystery to her. "That is a good idea, actually. Corin already seems to be drawing her out." I gestured at them, laughing and talking as they handed out food. "Perhaps we can visit sometimes."

I smiled down at her, my heart aching and yet soaring at the same time. Being in her presence was so bittersweet, yet it was a feeling I wouldn't have traded for the world. I realized that our conversation seemed to have come to a standstill, and I shifted my stance a bit, wondering what to say next.

"So..." I said, grinning softly. "Nice weather we've been having..."

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

I smiled at Rochelle's eagerness. I wished that I had been exposed to philanthropy at such a young age. My mother didn't seem to have that interest at all. All it had taken to turn me into such a giving person was a life-altering morning with the gorgeous man standing right next to me.

I knew that Elua worked in mysterious ways, but I hoped the next lesson he had to teach me would be a little less earth-shaking.

"Corin has learned from a master," I said, watching him fondly. "He's a bit naughty, but he's really a good kid, despite having such a wretched influence." I grinned, because obviously I was talking about myself. "Somehow he has become quite the flirt, which I cannot take credit for. I blame one of the other rogues in our House."

The conversation ground to a halt as he smiled down at me, and I felt a slow flush of heat cross my cheeks as I suddenly remembered my dreams, the ones that began and ended with Guy, the ones that caused me to whisper his name into the night. My eyes moved from his to his lips and back up again, remembering what it felt like...

And then he mentioned the weather. Of all things. I blinked twice and then burst into laughter so hard I doubled over, the tension and nerves that I was feeling dissipating, if only for a moment.

I felt a sudden rush of emotion, something I took to be love, although never having been in love like this I couldn't be sure. It was a different sensation than what I felt for Faolan, who I knew I loved, or Sophine, who I loved as a friend, or Corin, who I loved as a brother. This was acute, warm and painful all at the same time.

When I could breathe again I stood up straight, wiping tears away from my cheeks. "Now I see why you are celibate," I said softly, leaning in close so that only he could hear. I kept my eyes on his face to see his reaction. "If that is the way you try to talk to sophisticated women like myself, it's no wonder you joined the Cassiline order. There was no other choice!" This started me in on a new fit of giggles.

"In...in all seriousness, Guy," I said softly, finally breathing normally, "I would like it if...if we spent more time together. You know...like this." I gestured around me, indicating a public place, then looked back at him, my face hopeful. "Would that be okay? I mean, considering your vows and all..."

[Guy de Layne]

I flushed when Sandrine began to laugh - and I mean, really laugh, at my poor attempt at conversation. It wasn't like me to blush, or even to be at a loss for something to say in the first place, but being in Sandrine's presence seemed to drain me of any sense I possessed.

Still, her laughter was infectious, and once again I could see that she was perfectly suited for Orchis House. I began to laugh as well, though unlike Sandrine, I was nowhere near tears. Her jest was well taken, and I could only bow my head and laugh.

"Now you have the truth of it, my lady. I became a Cassiline out of a hopeless lack of social skills with women. Two sisters, and yet I learned nothing."

I was still smiling when Sandrine spoke more seriously. What she said made my heart beat faster, and I longed to touch her, though I kept my hands to myself. "I don't see why not. There is nothing in my vows that says I cannot have female friends, and as long as we take care to keep things platonic, there is no reason for us not to spend time together on occasion."

I knew it was dangerous ground, but I also knew that not seeing Sandrine at all was not an option. Even here, amidst all these other people, with no hope that our lips might touch, this was enough. Something of her was better than nothing, and I had already decided that her company was worth the risk.

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

"That is a very drastic step, my lord," I said, still smiling, enjoying the flush across his cheeks. "Of course, one is not meant to learn social skills from siblings. At least, that's what I understand, having no siblings of my own." I waved at Corin, who was giggling with Rochelle. "The fosterlings are the closest things I have to little brothers and sisters, and they are quite a handful, as you can see."

I breathed a sigh of relief at his next words, grinning ear to ear. I knew Guy cared for me, felt even more than that, but I knew the Cassiline vows were the most important things in his life. I could not blame him if he never wanted to see me again to protect those vows.

Sophine was probably going to kill me, but Elua, it would be worth it.

"Good." I looked at Rochelle. "I hope you do come. It seems that Rochelle is learning to relax, at the very least." I bit my lip, crossing my arms, and then looked up at Guy. "Have you ever noticed anything...strange...about her father? I mean, he's so young, right? Where did all the money come from?..." I trailed off, looking away. "I probably sound a little silly...but when I was there, it struck me as odd." I blushed as I remembered the awkwardness of that night. "What do you think?"

[Guy de Layne]

I chuckled at her words about siblings, and realized that they were quite true. What one learned was quite different, and involved concepts like sharing and loyalty. What would it be like to grow up without siblings? Odd, at the very least.

"Rochelle does seem to be loosening up." I smiled, watching her laughing with Corin. "Perhaps I should find other activities of this sort for her." My mood turned a bit serious as Sandrine mentioned Denis. I wasn't sure how to respond. I was a Cassiline, and discreet, but she was right: Denis de Rouille struck me as a shady character. Still, it wasn't something I wanted to involve Sandrine in, so I simply shook my head. "I believe he inherited it somehow." I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest. "Honestly, he does strike me as a bit odd, but I have learned to live with the peccadillos of others."

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

"It's rather a shame that there isn't more like this in the City," I said, finally. "You'd think with such a big place, and so much need, there would be lots of places to distribute food, or collect clothing..." I looked up at him. "Perhaps Rochelle could think of some other way to help and organize her friends." A sudden wave of bitterness crept into my voice. "There are so many people who have so much, and yet they don't think of anyone but themselves. I suppose I can't judge," I said, sighing. "If not for you, Guy, I wouldn't have even thought of it myself...and now...well, this is a legacy to be proud of. More than my marque or my reputation or anything else."

I shifted from foot to foot uneasily. Denis had inherited the money? But he didn't act like someone who was born into riches. He threw money around like it was no object, showing off. I knew it, because Denis had bought me quite a few gaudy but very expensive gifts. I had saved one or two of the necklaces, to wear when I saw him, but I had sold everything else to go towards my marque.

"I...I have a confession to make," I said softly. "Something about him struck me the wrong way...so I started asking around about him." I glanced around, then leaned in closely. "I know he didn't inherit any money. He's entirely self made. But there's something about the way he did it..." I shook my head. "His wife is never there, Guy, he leaves poor Rochelle alone all the time...something doesn't add up." I stepped back, hesitated, and then touched him on the arm. "I'm...I'm just worried about you, that's all. I hope it's nothing, but...Look, be careful, okay? I know you will be, but really pay attention."

Feeling slightly foolish, I sighed and bit my lip. "I just...I couldn't bear it if something happened to you, Guy," I said, almost in a whisper.

[Guy de Layne]

I frowned, shaking my head. "Sandrine, I would really prefer if you did not do such things. If, and notice that I say if Denis is up to something illegal as you suggest, don't you think it may be dangerous for you to be asking questions about him?" I realized I was speaking heatedly, so I lowered my voice. "I won't have you putting yourself in harm's way." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, composing myself.

"Please, have no worry for me, I am trained to take care of myself. I would never forgive myself if I brought harm to you, even inadvertently." Gods how I wanted to touch her then, to tuck that curl behind her ear, to smooth the small frown between her perfect brows. A stone of real fear settled in my stomach as I imagined what it would be like if anything happened to Sandrine. Whatever my misgivings about Denis, I did not think him the type to harm a woman, but without knowing what he was up to, how could I say for certain?

"I will look into it a little more." I promised her, glancing over at Rochelle and Corin. "But promise me you will stay out of it, and away from Denis, if possible. If he might be dangerous, then it's you I'm worried about."

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

Guy didn't know me well enough to understand that I was contrary. Whenever I was told not to do something, I got an itch to do it anyway. But the anger and fear in his voice scared me so much I took a step back and looked down, trying not to think about how I had asked Sophine to investigate. I wondered if I had put my good friend in harms way, and the thought made me shudder.

I looked back up at him when he asked me not to worry. "I will try not to worry, Guy," I said, a small smile on my face, "but it's hard. I would ask you not to worry about me, but I know you won't keep that promise." I followed his gaze to Rochelle and Corin. "If he contracts me, I can always say no, although my Dowayne will be cross. Hurting a Servant of Naamah carries a high penalty, unless it's part of the contract, but I won't chance it." The idea that I could be good, if only for a little while, made my smile grow bigger. Maybe I could change and not seek out trouble.

A shout from the other line caught my attention. Both of the groups seemed to be thinning out. "I think we might be done for the day," I said, a bit sadly. "It was so good to see you, Guy, it really was. I really hope you come again...and bring Rochelle again, of course." I glanced at her. "She needs more color on her cheeks, more fun, you know?" A sly smile crossed my face. "Maybe you do too, lord Cassiline."

[Guy de Layne]

I was relieved when Sandrine agreed not to see Denis again, and not just because he was dangerous. Now if only I could get rid of all her patrons so easily. I was distracted from that thought by Sandrine's observation, and looking around, I saw that it was true. The crowd had dwindled and the stores of food as well.

"Yes, you're right, Rochelle does need more fun in her life." I chuckled and then added, "As for myself, there is only so much 'fun' I can have before being called to task by the Prefect." I was joking, but not, as that was in fact what would happen. "It all depends on how you define 'fun', I suppose." I crossed my arms over my chest, smiling down at Sandrine, my heart feeling light again. As long as Sandrine was safe and well, anything else was secondary, and I determined once again not to worry overmuch for the future.

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

My eyes widened at his words, and I could feel my cheeks grow warm. "Oh, Guy! I didn't mean...you know I didn't, right? I just meant the kind of things you used to do, like putting ants in your teacher's bed." I kicked a stone on the ground. "I mean, it must be boring, waiting for something to happen. I get fidgety just sitting around. Every once in a while you have to make things happen...make your own excitement." I looked up at him, feeling the blush fade from my cheeks. "Sounds like I'm not the only one with my mind in the gutter, though..."

Before I could continue that train of thought, Corin ran up to us, fairly dragging poor Rochelle behind me. "Sandrine, we're done!" he crowed proudly, and I knelt down and gave him a kiss as a reward, laughing at the blush that spread across his cheeks. I would have to wean him of that for sure. He gave Guy another suspicious look before he came to stand beside me.

"Thank you so much for the food and your help, Rochelle," I said, kissing her gently on the cheek as well. "It's very much appreciated. I hope you will come back and help us again." Corin nodded his agreement. I would have to ask him what he thought of Rochelle. She was a little old for him, but then who was I to judge?

Before I could stop myself, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Guy on the cheek. It was a natural movement, something I did to almost everyone I met or said goodbye to. But in this case, it meant quite a bit more. I hoped he realized that it did. It was hard to put all the emotions that I felt into such a small bit of contact, but hopefully Guy would understand.

[Guy de Layne]

I laughed, shaking my head. "Oh, well, putting ants in someone's bed also gets one sent to the Prefect, you know." Before I could say more, Corin and Rochelle appeared, and I watched as Sandrine expertly handled them. The young boy was obviously smitten with her and I felt a momentary surge of jealousy as she kissed his cheek. I realized that this was beyond ridiculous, but it galled me that he could have even that contact with her, while I must content myself with dreams.

When Sandrine reached up to kiss my cheek, it was all I could do not to wrap my arms around her and kiss her passionately. Her lips were so soft, and warm, and was it my imagination or did she linger a bit longer than she had with the children? Too soon it was over, and we were all four standing there, waiting to be the first to say goodbye.

I noticed that Rochelle was looking at me oddly, and so I took the initiative. "Yes, well, of course we will come back every week, right Rochelle?" She nodded enthusiastically, and I smiled again at Sandrine. "There, you see, you won't be rid of us now." I shifted my weight to my other foot, running a hand through my close-cropped hair. "I suppose we should be going, then."

[Sandrine nó Orchis]

I nodded curtly and smiled. "Good. We don't want to be rid of you, do we, Corin?" He grinned at Rochelle and shook his head no, even as he took one of my hands.

"Alright, then," I said, raising my free hand to wave at Guy and Rochelle as I turned to leave. "Thank you again. See you next week!"

Corin and I walked to our cart. The other adepts were already waiting for us. They reported that everything went smoothly, to my delight. I was grinning like an idiot even as I lifted Corin with a practiced move into the back of the cart. He looked at me strangely as I clambered in myself, climbing into my lap and snuggling against me. I kissed the top of his head and waved again to Guy and Rochelle as we drove away.

"You like him, don't you?" Corin asked, his voice a mixture of sleepiness and jealousy.

"Yes," I said softly, into his hair.

"Why doesn't he hire you for an assig...assign...?"

"Assignation?" I finished, and Corin nodded. "Because he can't."

"Oh." Corin paused and thought for a moment. "He's poor?"

"No, he made a promise to Cassiel." The last word caught in my throat, and Corin looked up at me, a bit alarmed to see my face wet with tears. Gently he reached up and wiped them away.

"Don't cry, Sandi," he said, throwing his arms around me. "You're still gonna marry me, right?"

"Of course, love," I said, laughing. "I can't wait. It will be the biggest wedding in all of Terre d'Ange."

"I don't care how big it is," he said, pretending to be cross. "As long as there is cake. Lots and lots of cake."

I laughed even harder and hugged him back as we neared Mont Nuit.

[Guy de Layne]

I watched them go for far longer than I should have, though Rochelle said nothing, simply watched and waited. Finally, the cart that carried my heart away was out of sight, and I felt the familiar ache that never quite went away, except when Sandrine was near.

Ah, Cassiel, did you love your charge this well? I turned to Rochelle, looking down at her serious face. "Ready to get home?" She nodded, and we walked slowly to the carriage.

"Are you alright, Guy?" She asked, slipping her hand into mine.

"Of course," I lied smoothly. I was getting far too good at lying for my comfort. "It's been quite a day, hasn't it?" I settled her into the carriage, then climbed in after her.

She didn't answer, just looked at me with those too-perceptive eyes that saw everything and missed nothing. We rode home in silence, my mind full of Sandrine, and already wishing it was time to do this again.