Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 0:09:46 GMT -5
The last few days had reminded me far too much of my childhood. I was on edge in fear I’d do something wrong, and constantly worried about the man I shared my house with.
Being inside made it worse and I’d taken to spending far more time outside than usual. There was a fountain in the corner of the yard that had grown clogged from neglect and today I had made it my mission to clean it up.
My hair in a braid and dressed in an old dress of light cotton for the heat, I headed out to the fountain.
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 0:35:16 GMT -5
The change in the bedroom had been a shock. I had appreciated the effort, but it suddenly felt like we were spending our nights in another room. Sleeping together had been another issue. I had become used to light kisses again, but I still couldn't hold her as close as I wanted to when we were nude and had taken to wearing shorts to bed. I had cringed at the hurt in her eyes when I did that, but at least I didn't begin to panic when we cuddled under the sheets.
That afternoon I had found a good book and a lawn chair and had set up in the gardens. A maid came out every so often to fill up my lemonade, but otherwise it was just me and the crickets. When I heard the sounds of skirts, I assumed it was Angela with her lemonade and didn't look up.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 0:39:01 GMT -5
I had been going over plans in my head for how to go about my project so I hadn’t seen him at first. Suddenly realizing I wasn’t alone, I stopped and looked up.
Kushiel have mercy…
All my plans evaporated as I realized I was going to have to find somewhere else to be. “Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know you were out here.”
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 0:44:10 GMT -5
She spoke, and it wasn't Angela's voice. I looked up finally, hating the tension that immediately sprang into being. "It's alright," I told her. "I'm just reading. You know, that book you recommended me a couple of months ago."
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 8:56:08 GMT -5
I glanced at the book and nodded slightly, recalling when that had happened.
“I was going to clean up the fountain, try and get it working. I’ll do it another time, I didn’t mean to interrupt you,” I said, pulling off the thick working gloves I’d put on to protect my hands. I glanced at his glass and asked, “Is there anything you need?”
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 12:41:31 GMT -5
"No it's alright, you can go ahead," I said, voice quiet. "I'm just lazing about."
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 15:29:14 GMT -5
The image of how things should be, me stretched out beside him, body molded to his as we lazed about together on the lounge hit me so hard it made me stagger slightly. I looked down quickly so that he wouldn’t see the tears that rose in my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, then turned and fled quickly around the corner of the house, into the dark shadows cast there so I could break down in private.
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 23:28:57 GMT -5
I sat up when she nearly stumbled, concern filling. "Mala..." I said, but she was already gone. I didn't know what to do, whether to go after her or leave her be, and ended up poised on the chair, frozen with indecision.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Oct 30, 2008 23:36:54 GMT -5
Tears blinded me so I didn’t see the rose bush until it had caught my skirts. I sobbed loudly in pain and frustration, the thorns tearing at my hands and arms as I tried to pull myself free. Finally I gave up and just sank to the dry summer grass.
I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t live like this. Not able to be near him without that flash of fear in his eyes. I saw it every time he looked at me. If I happened to come upon him from behind, he tensed like a trapped hare. Soon enough he’d realize that he didn’t love me anymore and he’d leave, this was just the long, painful buildup.
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Nov 2, 2008 1:29:07 GMT -5
I heard her sound of distress and was up like a shot, finally decisive. I found her on her knees, entangled with one of the many rose bushes scattered about the garden. I went to her and systematically unwound the thorns, drawing them gently from her fabric and flesh. "Hold still," I murmured as I worked with care.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Nov 2, 2008 1:34:50 GMT -5
I turned my head away, shamed by the tears that still fell from my eyes and not wanting him to see them as I held still. I wished I could go back to the girl I’d used to be, the one who never felt. Love and happiness were too expensive because they only left you open to this, this pain that was eating me from the inside.
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Nov 2, 2008 22:38:45 GMT -5
I could never stand to see her cry. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I worried the last thorn free of her skirt and put my arms around her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Mala," I whispered against her hair.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Nov 2, 2008 22:46:34 GMT -5
I could feel the hot points on my skin where blood was welling up through the thorn pricks. Part of my mind smirked at the irony that I had stopped myself from hurting him, and now here I was the one bleeding.
“I can’t take this Christophe,” I said, my voice raw with pain. “I stopped myself from hurting you…I’ve never done anything when we were together that you didn’t agree to and it’s not enough. I know what I told you I did was horrible, but that was one time and I’ve never done anything like that again.” I pulled away from him, using part of my ripped skirt to wipe my eyes. “But now, you’re scared of me…all the time…and it’s killing me.”
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 0:12:07 GMT -5
She pulled away from my arms, and I flinched back into myself. "I saw the look in your eyes Mala," I whispered at her back. "You honestly didn't believe you could stop. You didn't trust yourself, and that scared the hell out of me."
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 0:19:02 GMT -5
“But I did stop and it’s counted for nothing,” I whispered.
No matter how much I wiped, I couldn’t stay ahead of the tears so I just gave up. “You can’t be around me, that’s obvious, so I won’t make you. I’m going to go out to the hunting lodge for a few days, give you the time away from me you seem to need…to want,” I said, pushing myself to my feet. “I’ll be gone by nightfall.”
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 0:49:40 GMT -5
I stood up and held her by her upper arms. "If you hadn't stopped I wouldn't be here now. Go if you wish, I'll be here when you return Mala, I promise," I said before kissing her forehead and letting go.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 0:57:05 GMT -5
I looked up at him, searching his face and trying to believe he really would be here. I couldn’t see it.
“I’m not sure you will be here. I think you’re going to realize you don’t trust me at and never will and that you don’t love me anymore,” I said softly. I raised my hand to touch his cheek, but stopped knowing he would just flinch away. Instead I wiped again at my tears. “If I’m wrong, come to me. Any servant here can tell you how to find me.”
I looked at him one last time, fearing it would be the last time I ever saw him, then turned and went inside to pack.
|
|
|
Post by Christophe Legard nó Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 1:13:45 GMT -5
She walked away from me, her shoulders set for defeat. I looked after her retreating figure far after she disappeared into the house. Kushiel, I loved her so much, it tore me up inside to she her so sure that my love for her was false.
|
|
Malabelle Shahrizai
Aristocrat
Lady of House Shahrizai
Wife of Christophe Legard no' Shahrizai
Posts: 2,756
|
Post by Malabelle Shahrizai on Nov 3, 2008 1:23:02 GMT -5
The pain in my chest was so great that the rest of me grew numb by comparison. My things were packed quickly and I left directions for no one but Christophe to be told where I was. I wasn’t up to the company of other family and I hoped desperately that the lodge was unoccupied. I didn’t need to leave instructions about the house; they all knew that Christophe was to be looked to for anything they needed.
My light bags were secured to my saddle and I swung up onto my mare, once again clad in my red riding leathers to help speed my journey. I looked at the house, but the sun was glinting off the windows and I couldn’t have seen him even if he was there.
Heels digging into my mare’s flanks I raced out of the courtyard and the City, pretending it was the wind that caused the fresh tears in my eyes.
|
|