Post by Émile d’Ames on Jul 19, 2008 0:11:51 GMT -5
The walk to Kushiel's Temple was not a long one, despite the emotions that were churning inside me as I made my way along the Temple District. The hustle and bustle was somewhat comforting, but as I gazed at my destination, I couldn't help but swallow nervously. The Servants of Naamah could go to Balm for comfort and healing, I had only Kushiel's Temple--Kushiel's harsh mercy.
My lips were dry and cracked, and licking them brought back memories of her scent. It was strange, how one kiss could affect me so.
Well, I would free myself of these thoughts, these memories.
I glanced around to make sure no one had followed me. I had no desire to become the choice subject of gossip in the City of Elua. No, this was a private matter.
I knocked softly at the door of the temple and was quickly greeted by one of the bronze-masked priests of Kushiel. If they were surprised to see a Cassiline at their doorstep, they gave no indication of their feelings--the masks were effective in that way.
"My name is Émile d’Ames, and I am here to make a confession," I said, sounding strong and proud despite the apprehension that I felt inside. The priest--or priestess--for their part mutely nodded, beckoning me inside and closing the door behind me.
My steps were soft as the masked one led me to the purification baths. I knew what I was supposed to do--and I hated it with a passion, not the bath itself, but the shedding of my vambraces, my sword, my daggers...
It was like shedding my soul.
But I did it, drawing a finger lovingly across my sword as I carefully laid it down, along with my daggers and the rest of my clothes, where they were picked up by another dark-robed figure. They would take care of them, I was certain. The Queen would not like it if her Cassiline's weapons and armor were damaged, and I would like it even less.
I knelt down in the water and allowed the masked one to pour it over my head: once, twice, three times. It chilled me to the bone, even though I was sure the water I was kneeling in was not that cold.
My bath completed, I dressed again and we proceeded into the main chamber with the statue of Kushiel. I gazed up at the image and suppressed a shudder, forcing myself to put on a brave face as I knelt down before the image, pressing my forehead to the ground, like others would do in Elua's temples. I scooped up a handful of incense, depositing my bag of coins on the ground, and threw it into the brazier.
It was warmer here, warm as the fires of Hell.
I was unexpectedly tranquil as I neared the whipping post, almost as if the gods were trying to offer me some reassurance.
A bronze mask entered my vision. "Is it your will to offer penance?" The voice was deep, unquestionably masculine.
I bowed, it was difficult to do a Cassiline bow without my vambraces, but I tried. "Yes, m'lord. It is my will to offer penance."
He nodded, gesturing to the post. "Come..."
I rested my back against the post as they undressed me again, once again stripping me of everything so that I knelt naked on the clean white flagstones. I forced myself to take deep breaths as they held my arms above my head, lashing my wrists securely to the post. I had to fight every instinct in me that was demanding that I rise to face the threat, but I kept still, not a sound emerging from my lips. The chastiser came then, holding forth the flogger so I could glimpse the instrument of my punishment and the bringer of bitter mercy.
It was not too late to back out, to return to the Palace.
No, My mind whispered. That is the way of a coward...
My jaw was set as I bowed my head in assent, as if Kushiel himself were offering me the flogger, in a way, I suppose he was.
The chastiser moved out of my line of sight, and I braced myself for the first blow.
I am also of Camael's line, and a Cassiline besides that--I like to think of myself as being more resistant to pain than other men, but that first blow to my back was like being burned in the flames of Hell itself.
I remember hot tears falling down my cheeks and mingling with my blood as I cried out--so like how the blood of Yeshua and the tears of the Magdalene produced Elua, who was born from Mother Earth's fertile womb. As for what I cried out in that place, I cannot remember, but I think that I must have confessed everything, because I felt lighter at the end of it.
"My Lord Kushiel, my Lord Cassiel," I said softly, letting my head drop. "Forgive my folly..."
I felt a hand slip under my chin and raise my head up so that I looked into the face of a bronze mask.
"Be free of it, Cassiel's Servant."
I cried out as the salt water kissed my open wounds, louder, this time, and then my entire body began to shake as I collapsed against the post. I felt hands reach to steady me, unbinding me and helping to clothe my wounded body. My vision swam, and I wondered if I would be able to make it back to the Palace.
I hope the Queen didn't have need of me.
My lips were dry and cracked, and licking them brought back memories of her scent. It was strange, how one kiss could affect me so.
Well, I would free myself of these thoughts, these memories.
I glanced around to make sure no one had followed me. I had no desire to become the choice subject of gossip in the City of Elua. No, this was a private matter.
I knocked softly at the door of the temple and was quickly greeted by one of the bronze-masked priests of Kushiel. If they were surprised to see a Cassiline at their doorstep, they gave no indication of their feelings--the masks were effective in that way.
"My name is Émile d’Ames, and I am here to make a confession," I said, sounding strong and proud despite the apprehension that I felt inside. The priest--or priestess--for their part mutely nodded, beckoning me inside and closing the door behind me.
My steps were soft as the masked one led me to the purification baths. I knew what I was supposed to do--and I hated it with a passion, not the bath itself, but the shedding of my vambraces, my sword, my daggers...
It was like shedding my soul.
But I did it, drawing a finger lovingly across my sword as I carefully laid it down, along with my daggers and the rest of my clothes, where they were picked up by another dark-robed figure. They would take care of them, I was certain. The Queen would not like it if her Cassiline's weapons and armor were damaged, and I would like it even less.
I knelt down in the water and allowed the masked one to pour it over my head: once, twice, three times. It chilled me to the bone, even though I was sure the water I was kneeling in was not that cold.
My bath completed, I dressed again and we proceeded into the main chamber with the statue of Kushiel. I gazed up at the image and suppressed a shudder, forcing myself to put on a brave face as I knelt down before the image, pressing my forehead to the ground, like others would do in Elua's temples. I scooped up a handful of incense, depositing my bag of coins on the ground, and threw it into the brazier.
It was warmer here, warm as the fires of Hell.
I was unexpectedly tranquil as I neared the whipping post, almost as if the gods were trying to offer me some reassurance.
A bronze mask entered my vision. "Is it your will to offer penance?" The voice was deep, unquestionably masculine.
I bowed, it was difficult to do a Cassiline bow without my vambraces, but I tried. "Yes, m'lord. It is my will to offer penance."
He nodded, gesturing to the post. "Come..."
I rested my back against the post as they undressed me again, once again stripping me of everything so that I knelt naked on the clean white flagstones. I forced myself to take deep breaths as they held my arms above my head, lashing my wrists securely to the post. I had to fight every instinct in me that was demanding that I rise to face the threat, but I kept still, not a sound emerging from my lips. The chastiser came then, holding forth the flogger so I could glimpse the instrument of my punishment and the bringer of bitter mercy.
It was not too late to back out, to return to the Palace.
No, My mind whispered. That is the way of a coward...
My jaw was set as I bowed my head in assent, as if Kushiel himself were offering me the flogger, in a way, I suppose he was.
The chastiser moved out of my line of sight, and I braced myself for the first blow.
I am also of Camael's line, and a Cassiline besides that--I like to think of myself as being more resistant to pain than other men, but that first blow to my back was like being burned in the flames of Hell itself.
I remember hot tears falling down my cheeks and mingling with my blood as I cried out--so like how the blood of Yeshua and the tears of the Magdalene produced Elua, who was born from Mother Earth's fertile womb. As for what I cried out in that place, I cannot remember, but I think that I must have confessed everything, because I felt lighter at the end of it.
"My Lord Kushiel, my Lord Cassiel," I said softly, letting my head drop. "Forgive my folly..."
I felt a hand slip under my chin and raise my head up so that I looked into the face of a bronze mask.
"Be free of it, Cassiel's Servant."
I cried out as the salt water kissed my open wounds, louder, this time, and then my entire body began to shake as I collapsed against the post. I felt hands reach to steady me, unbinding me and helping to clothe my wounded body. My vision swam, and I wondered if I would be able to make it back to the Palace.
I hope the Queen didn't have need of me.