Post by Joie de Mornay on May 21, 2008 10:12:47 GMT -5
The ride had been so long, rattling over the bumpy spring roads that made my resolve to not move in the carriage hard to keep. I kept my eyes closed for most of it, not wanting to look around the carriage of the man who held my heart. Shuddering, I toppled suddenly when the carriage turned into my drive, and I had the door open before the carriage even finished rolling to a stop.
Ignoring the cry of the driver as I stumbled upon landing, I made my way up to the house at a clipped pace and slipped inside, heading immediately to my rooms to strip my clothing off. Rosalie, one of the younger maids, caught sight of me as I quickly climbed the stairs, and I called for her to boil water for a bath; a very hot one. I wanted to strip myself out of this dress, to wash away his scent, to keep myself from reliving...
Choking back tears I fled the remainder of the way to my room and immediately began stripping out of the dress, my hands alternating between undoing the buttons and taking the few pins out of my hair that I used to keep it out of my face.
By the time I had my dress off of me and hung up, a robe on and my jewlery off, a knock sounded at the door and a tentitive voice said that my bath was ready. I hurried to the door and opened it, catching the maid before she could disappear. "Is Jess here?" I asked, hope alive in my eyes.
"No, my lady Joie, she's not, I'm sorry. Her things are here, but a carriage came to pick her up and... I'm sorry... Would you like me to send someone to tell her you're looking for her, or take a note for you?"
I deflated the moment I heard 'no'. Shaking my head, I tried to give her a smile, but gave up after failing miserably. "No, I don't want to interrupt anything she might be doing. I'll see her tomorrow." Rosalies mouth worked without saying anything as I turned away, hurrying to the bathing room.
Steam rolled out when I opened the door. I blew out the candles that lit the room til it was pitch dark before I stripped myself of my robe, feeling my way across the floor towards the copper tub. After settling in the water, I could feel the tears start again, and I didn't try stopping them this time. For the second time that night silent sobs wracked me, making me curl over until my face hit the water and I sat up again gasping and sputtering with bath water that I had accidentally sucked into my lungs.
I wasn't sorry I told him. Well, not really... I was sorry that it had all ended the way it did, was sorry that I told him I loved him and I received nothing in return. My cheeks burned with the shame again and I stared up into the dark, feeling the water lap up around my shoulders. I felt so ungodly foolish, and the worst of it was that given the chance, I would do it all over again. I did love him. And if he didn't love me back, I'd rather know it now than to wait, and hope, and wonder.
I tried to cling to that and keep myself from breaking any further, but it was incredibly hard, and all I wanted to do was feel him holding me. The thought made me cry again even as I tried not to, and I stuffed my head under the water to try to clear my thoughts.
A few hours after I went in, I came out again, the water beyond cool, into the realm of cold. I'd refused any offers of warm water brought in, refused any food or drink at the same time. Shivering, I felt for my robe and blindly put it on, then began to make my way back to my bedroom. As soon as I reached the door, though, I hesitated, unable to make myself go in. I knew I'd lay in my bed and think about things more, even as exhausted as I was. Instead I turned and hurried to Jesses room, knowing if she wasn't home yet she wouldn't be, and in the off chance she was she wouldn't care if I was there anyhow.
I shut her door and immediately turned to scour her books, looking for anything even remotely interesting to take my mind off of things. Grabbing a fictional novel, I went to her bed and curled up, hair still sopping wet. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I shivered and began reading, having to blink every few words in the beginning to clear the tears from my eyes. After a time they stopped, and not long after, I slept, hard and dreamless, too exhausted for anything else.
Ignoring the cry of the driver as I stumbled upon landing, I made my way up to the house at a clipped pace and slipped inside, heading immediately to my rooms to strip my clothing off. Rosalie, one of the younger maids, caught sight of me as I quickly climbed the stairs, and I called for her to boil water for a bath; a very hot one. I wanted to strip myself out of this dress, to wash away his scent, to keep myself from reliving...
Choking back tears I fled the remainder of the way to my room and immediately began stripping out of the dress, my hands alternating between undoing the buttons and taking the few pins out of my hair that I used to keep it out of my face.
By the time I had my dress off of me and hung up, a robe on and my jewlery off, a knock sounded at the door and a tentitive voice said that my bath was ready. I hurried to the door and opened it, catching the maid before she could disappear. "Is Jess here?" I asked, hope alive in my eyes.
"No, my lady Joie, she's not, I'm sorry. Her things are here, but a carriage came to pick her up and... I'm sorry... Would you like me to send someone to tell her you're looking for her, or take a note for you?"
I deflated the moment I heard 'no'. Shaking my head, I tried to give her a smile, but gave up after failing miserably. "No, I don't want to interrupt anything she might be doing. I'll see her tomorrow." Rosalies mouth worked without saying anything as I turned away, hurrying to the bathing room.
Steam rolled out when I opened the door. I blew out the candles that lit the room til it was pitch dark before I stripped myself of my robe, feeling my way across the floor towards the copper tub. After settling in the water, I could feel the tears start again, and I didn't try stopping them this time. For the second time that night silent sobs wracked me, making me curl over until my face hit the water and I sat up again gasping and sputtering with bath water that I had accidentally sucked into my lungs.
I wasn't sorry I told him. Well, not really... I was sorry that it had all ended the way it did, was sorry that I told him I loved him and I received nothing in return. My cheeks burned with the shame again and I stared up into the dark, feeling the water lap up around my shoulders. I felt so ungodly foolish, and the worst of it was that given the chance, I would do it all over again. I did love him. And if he didn't love me back, I'd rather know it now than to wait, and hope, and wonder.
I tried to cling to that and keep myself from breaking any further, but it was incredibly hard, and all I wanted to do was feel him holding me. The thought made me cry again even as I tried not to, and I stuffed my head under the water to try to clear my thoughts.
A few hours after I went in, I came out again, the water beyond cool, into the realm of cold. I'd refused any offers of warm water brought in, refused any food or drink at the same time. Shivering, I felt for my robe and blindly put it on, then began to make my way back to my bedroom. As soon as I reached the door, though, I hesitated, unable to make myself go in. I knew I'd lay in my bed and think about things more, even as exhausted as I was. Instead I turned and hurried to Jesses room, knowing if she wasn't home yet she wouldn't be, and in the off chance she was she wouldn't care if I was there anyhow.
I shut her door and immediately turned to scour her books, looking for anything even remotely interesting to take my mind off of things. Grabbing a fictional novel, I went to her bed and curled up, hair still sopping wet. Pulling the covers up to my chin, I shivered and began reading, having to blink every few words in the beginning to clear the tears from my eyes. After a time they stopped, and not long after, I slept, hard and dreamless, too exhausted for anything else.