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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 19, 2006 16:00:31 GMT -5
"He was capable of love…he loved his wife dearly… just not me." I said, hearing the hard edge in my voice.
"And I'll make you a deal, I'll stop feeling the effects of my father's death just as soon as you stop using the death of your father and brother as an excuse to hide from the world and not stand up to your mother. Time to cut the aprons strings my timid friend face life as a grown up."
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 19, 2006 18:08:10 GMT -5
His words swept over me like a sudden frost in spring. Me and my strange ideas. Perhaps tongues were not meant to be so loosened. “Hah,” was all I said, “listen to us. So eager to solve each other’s lives. The promises men make in their cups are worthless, even I know that, as worthless as the courage they gain.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 19, 2006 18:33:36 GMT -5
I downed two more shots in quick succession, closing my eyes and concentrating on the feel of the liquid traveling down to my stomach. I imagined I could feel it moving into my blood, surrounding the ache that had risen again in me and carrying it away. Away to that place I had thought locked forever, locked and covered with grave dirt.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
"Who's Jess?" I asked him.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 20, 2006 18:11:56 GMT -5
I watched him drink … he drank as I did sometimes, alone in my library surrounded b y empty bottles, as if one could drown everything that hurt in a flood of dark wine. There seemed little to do but to join him. I poured out another glass and downed it, wincing a little at the burning path it left down my throat.
“Jess … Jessamine … de Mornay …” I explained, somewhat incoherently. “She has red hair and ink stained fingers. I think you would like her.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 20, 2006 18:18:41 GMT -5
"Who is she to you? Friend? Once and only time lover?" I asked, curiosity peaked by his previous mention of her and current reaction to my question about her. "de Mornay… as in the writer?"
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 20, 2006 18:48:05 GMT -5
“Friend. Just friend,” I said quickly, too quickly, and quite visibly flustered despite the soothing haze of alcohol. “And, yes, she does write … rather well, as it happens. And she’ll write very well in a few years time, I think. A name to watch, I promise you that.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 20, 2006 18:55:18 GMT -5
'Just a friend' my muscular buttocks, I thought.
"I shall look for something of hers the next time I find myself in a book store," I said, then tossed back another shot. My vision was getting murky again. "Why would I like her?"
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 22, 2006 4:18:43 GMT -5
“If you promise not tell me off for being judgemental again,” I replied, somewhat tartly, “I would say you strike me as being well-disposed to like beautiful women.” I glanced at him through a falling curtain of hair, smiling to show that I was, in my way, teasing. It occurred to me that it had been a while since I had felt a smile occur so naturally on my lips. Ah, alcohol. A beautiful thing.
“No, but she’s like you, courageous and adventurous and passionate. Actually…” I stopped suddenly and covered my mouth with a hand to stifle my laughter. “Actually, no, no, what am I saying. You’d hate her. She’s nothing like you. Don’t even spare her a thought.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 22, 2006 10:35:46 GMT -5
"She sounds wonderful," I said, purposefully going down the road he was obviously trying to chase me off of. "de Mornay, eh? I shall have to look her up, she sounds like the sort of woman I could spend time with."
I watched him out of the corner of my eyes as I took another shot.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 22, 2006 17:45:33 GMT -5
Oh stop being a bastard,” I said grumpily, knowing full well he was being deliberately provoking. “If you keep this up, I’ll … I’ll … challenge you to a duel and then you’ll stab me and then I’ll be dead and you’ll be guilty. And then you’ll be sorry.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 22, 2006 23:16:22 GMT -5
Laughing at the image of him and dueling I looked at him squarely.
"What makes you so certain I'd be sorry?" I asked. "You, dear man, need to work on hiding our emotions if you don't want them played on. Not everyone is so good natured as I am and will back off when commanded."
"You've ordered me to stop, so that means you get to pick the next topic for us to ramble on about."
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 5:14:04 GMT -5
“I think it would be a difficult thing to drink with a man and then kill him,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “And I suspect, with considerable evidence, you have quite a capacity for hopeless guilt.” I paused.
“Besides,” I added, with an emphatic gesture, “you have no cause to lecture me. I hide my emotions all the time … but blindingly drunk with the closest thing I have right now for a friend, why should I? And remember, there are mightier forces in the world than swords. I have my ways and means.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 10:29:13 GMT -5
"I will stop lecturing you as soon as you show me the same courtesy," I said, downing my final shot. "And for a man supposedly living in a world of words, you suck at changing a topic."
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 10:47:06 GMT -5
“I haven’t lectured you since my blinding realisation about the nature of humanity,” I muttered. “And you’ve done nothing but criticise me since I sat down. I might as well have invited my mother.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 10:59:43 GMT -5
"As a matter of course, I invited you," I reminded him.
"And since you are so dead set on sticking to this line of conversation, you can talk to yourself for a bit. I am finding my own new topic," I said, standing up.
I looked back at him. "Cheer up old boy, or you will force me into something drastic like carrying you bodily to the Night Court and contracting some nubile young adept to change your mood… and if I'm feeling generous I won't drop you at Mandrake."
With that I turned back around and snatched up the bar maid who had been serving us. I dragged her to the bar with me, buying her a drink and getting myself some water for my suddenly dry mouth.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 14:52:26 GMT -5
I watched him sweep the barmaid off to the bar with him, and listened to their laughter. And then I watched the empty bottle of liquor for a while. My thoughts whirled drunkenly – had I enjoyed this uncertainty not so many minutes ago? Now it was inhibiting. I hated the restrictions on my thoughts - where were the words that usually sprang so readily and often uncontrollably to my attention? All there was at the moment was a vague sense of bitterness and helplessness. So I had made my efforts to be sociable and, if not as pleasant as I might have been, at least candid. Or had I? The early part of the evening was fast becoming a blur of almost meaningless conversation.
Why had I even bothered?
It’s never worth it, after all. Here I was, in some dingy hostelry in Night’s Doorstep when I could be curled at home by my own fire with some manner of book. And all for trying to change things, as if one could harness it just for the wishing of it.
While Alain was occupied with his barmaid, I slipped out into the evening.
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 16:32:56 GMT -5
I looked back at the table, thinking I should go back to Cendrillon, and I noticed he was gone. I stopped mid-sentence, my mind stuck on the fact that he wasn't there.
I looked around and, out the window, I caught a faint glimpse of what had to be him.
Damn him. I sighed, said something funny in parting to the barmaid, and left enough coin to cover anything extra we had incurred.
Then, I ran out the door. The cool air was like the slap of a cold hand across my cheek and I was more focused.
I took a few long strides in his direction and then called out his name, curious as to whether he would pretend he hadn't heard me or stop.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 16:57:58 GMT -5
It had taken me a few moments to orientate myself when I staggered out into the night and rather longer that seems plausible for such a simple operation to get into my coat. The change in light levels and temperature only serve to remind me how drunk I was.
I was halfway along the street in what seemed like a promising direction when I heard Alain come crashing out after me, calling my name. I was half-tempted just to keep walking but I felt enough like a swooning debutante fleeing her first fete as it was, so I stopped.
“What is it?” I called out. “Have you had another conversational whim I can fail to satisfy?”
Ah. So it was going to petulant, was it? I’d been hoping for icy reserve.
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 17:16:35 GMT -5
Even I had too much dignity to have a shouted conversation in front of a pub. I moved closer so that we could speak in normal tones.
"Are you trying to be an ass or does it just come naturally?" I asked him.
"I came out here to apologize for my part in the way things went. But, it appears you have no interest in such things, so I can at least remind you that your carriage is over there." I pointed in the opposite direction from which he had been heading.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 17:44:32 GMT -5
“I could have been taking a constitutional stroll … through the dark alleys hereabouts,” I said, nevertheless wheeling to the face the correct direction of my carriage.
I sighed, not quite churlish enough to reject an apology, no matter how drunk I was. I shrugged.
“Ah, you don’t have to apologise. I’m sure there’s blame on both sides, there always is. It’s my own fault, I should not mix inebriation and company. I’ll behave better when … if … we should happen to meet again, when I think you’ll be delighted to see just how well I hide my emotions and curb my words. I’d bow but I might just fall over. Anyway, if you hurry back to the pub I’m sure the barmaid will be waiting for you and your evening won’t be a total loss.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 18:08:55 GMT -5
I sighed, running my hand through my hair and then over my eyes.
"I find myself weary and in want of nothing other than being alone in my own bed," I said, sighing.
"I am certain I will see you again. "Until then," I said, inclining my head and moving past him in the direction of my house.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 23, 2006 18:22:32 GMT -5
“Alain. Wait.” I put an impulsive hand on his arm as he walked past me. And then, realising that there ought to be some sort of follow up to this, promptly floundered. I stared down at the ground, hair falling forward to shield my face, and offer some illusion of protection from the paralysing awkwardness that seemed to have come over me.
“Alain,” I tried again. “I realise that this evening has not exactly been in conventional sense of the word … or indeed … any sense of the word … successful … Oh hell. The fact of the matter is that I was … am … very glad that you were kind enough – although I can’t for the life of me imagine why you would want to – to invite me to come out with you tonight. And I’m sorry that if in an astounding display of ingratitude for this…” I ran an anxious hand through my hair, “that I may have inadvertently compared you to my mother which is an appalling insult to levy at anyone … especially someone I may have also inadvertently called a bastard not so many minutes before, more from absence of mind than any actual comment on your heritage which is none of my business.”
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 23, 2006 18:44:14 GMT -5
"I invited you to come out because you seemed like a decent guy. I haven't been in the City all that long and to be honest I thought it might be nice to make friends with someone I could talk to at the dreadful parade of parties and social events this City I addicted to as well as go out on nights like this and just relax with."
I shook my head, unused to the way I had reacted tonight.
"Perhaps I should have waited until more time had passed from the things that have happened lately. I am not myself anymore it seems. I am tired and more than a little drunk. I have a riding lesson to give in the morning and I should go sleep. Should you decide that I am the type of person you might like as a friend, find me and we'll try this again."
I turned and walked away.
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Post by Cendrillon de Beauvais(D) on May 24, 2006 8:24:12 GMT -5
Again I felt the presence of the shadow that had darkened his eyes and his mood earlier in the evening. And it gave me a sudden, strange little spasm of pain to think of him going home with such a heavy heart, despite the fact we’d done nothing but claw at each other like tomcats all night long. I wanted him merry and swaggering again.
“Of course I’d like you as a friend,” I called after him, hoping to make him smile before the darkness swallowed him. “You know far too much about me for me to be able to countenance you as an enemy.”
And then I, too, turned away and headed for my carriage.
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Post by Alain de Mauvais (D) on May 24, 2006 10:17:11 GMT -5
I heard his words, but didn't really listen. I would recall them later when I was in a better mood to think about what he had said.
I turned the corner and let instinct guide my steps and take me to my waiting bed.
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