Joyful Greetings and Surprising Twists

[Lillianne du Verais]

It'd been long since I'd seen Castiel; he was not at home the last time I had tried, and, fearing to be over zealous, I had tried to keep my distance a little and wait for him to come to me. When that failed to produce any results and I could bear the wait no longer, I made my way to his house a second time, my heart in my throat. I was dressed fetchingly enough, clad in a deep rose-coloured gown that off set the natural blush of my cheeks prettily, though with the growing heat of the season the fabric wasn't heavy, but light and silky. I refused to look the part of a desperate woman, or show more flesh than proper, but my hair was coiled in a lovely knot atop my head to try to stay cooler, and though no carmine was on my lips, my lashes were enhanced with kohl. In short, I took care in my appearance without going overboard or looking the part of a two-bit prostitute, and as I made my way to the door of Castiels townhome, I tried to keep the flutter of my heart at bay.

A quiet knock produced what I assumed was a butler, and I smiled as I inquired if the Duc de Bonnel was about. Very demurely he bowed his head and showed me in to the sitting room, inquired my name and disappeared. I stood, looking about the room from where I was, having not seen this the one and only time I'd been here before. I felt forward for being here, but Elua! I was so very excited to see him, and I could not keep the smile from my face.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

It was a week into our marriage, and things were... as best as could be expected, considering all things. Des, and her unusual outbursts, and with me getting used to the whole situation, and Liselle too. I had stopped blaming her, though that had stopped the day we had come back from ring shopping. And settling into our... interesting marriage life was going to be trying, for we had much to learn about one another, about how we reacted to different situations, about how we loved, so many things in combining two lives into one that I had overlooked, which of course made me feel rather foolish for I had been the one coming here seeking a wife so readily, and gotten exactly what I had asked for.

But I had thought on one other person, no one else entered my mind, other than Liselle and my poor sister, except Lilli. I had not heard from her since our night together, except the note she had sent me, and I had worried about her, truly I had, but with everything as it was now, my thoughts were confused.

I had awoken and dressed, and Liselle had gone to take a bath she had had drawn for herself. I was in my chambers, sitting on my bed, thinking, really, my hand twirling the gold and diamond ring on my ring finger when a knock came at the door. I bid the person enter, my butler bowed his head and informed me that a lady awaited me. At first I furrowed my brows, wondering if this might have been someone else with something to say about Des' behaviour, or if... no it coouldn't be... could it?

"Her name," I asked, my voice a little excited as my nerves rose.

"Lillianne du Verais, my lord," he replied. My eyes shot open and I nodded, dismissing him. he left, leaving teh door open, and I drew myself up from the edge of my bed and walked out the room, down teh stairs and to the reception room - which was also the sitting room, passing through the open doorway.

First I glimpsed the blonde locks, coiled prettily into a bun, the rosey gown that flowed like air, or so it looke dlike it would.. and.. it really waas Lilli, and this was not some sort of dream. I smiled brightly, forgetting myself as I rushed to her.

"Oh Lillianne!" I said excitedly, grinning from ear to ear. "I've missed you," i blurted out, moving to stand before her, my hands cupping her cheeks as I gave her teh kiss fo greeting, which was allowed, of course, though my lips may have lingered a small amount more than they ought to have. "I thought you were gone... on some urgent business?" I inquired, pulling back slightly, though my hands remained.

[Lillianne du Verais]

The moment I heard footsteps approaching, I turned and watched, my heart truly in my throat and worried he'd be displeased at seeing me, or worse, only cordial and polite, indifferent with the time that had passed... but no, truly no! He was smiling widely and came to me, giving me the kiss of greeting which I returned heartily, my own smile bloomed and matching his happiness-for-happiness. My hands rose to gently hold his wrists as he cradled my face in his palms, wanting to touch him, to see him and smell him, and revel in the very fact that he was happy to see me.

"I was, but only temporarily," I admitted. Had it been anyone else, no matter if I'd just laid with them or known them for ages, I'd have stepped back and taken more personal space, but with Castiel I was more than just content to remain close to him. "My best friend, practically a sister to me, disappeared... Oh it's a twisted line of events to relate, but I delivered a message to her brother for her, and only discovered then what she'd done, where she'd gone. I traveled with Guy, intending to track her down in Menekhet, but my mare fell and broke a leg," I said, trying not to wince at the awful memory of her injury, her scream, and the blood that came of putting her out of her misery. "I hurt my ankle in the fall, and Guy rode on while I returned to the City."

It was embarrassing, but I didn't want to keep secrets of any sort from him. My hands rose up to caress over the outside of his as he held my cheeks, and I turned my face to kiss his palm. "I didn't want you to feel I was smothering you with attention either," I added, a smile flickering back to my face as I looked up at him, drinking in his beautiful face, his eyes, smelling the cologne that I remembered so well.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

When she related her story, my eyes opened wide. Menekhet? By the Gods, that was a far way away, and such a dangerous trip! My thumbs caressed her cheek, and I kissed her forhead genteely as she spoke.

"I am glad you suffered nothign worse than a sprained ankle and... oh here I have you standing upon it, please, sit, sit," I said, pulling away slightly, though my body did not want me to, and neither did the rest of me, to be honest. "And never hesitate to come by, I would never feel smothered by you Lilli," I murmured, "I would have visited you sooner had I known you were back, or rather, hadn't really left," I said, smiling softly. "Your friend, she will be alright, I hope?" I asked, not knowing much about the situation.

[Lillianne du Verais]

His lips pressed against my forehead, and I closed my eyes, drinking in the sweetness of the moment before he pulled back and urged me to sit. I moved where he led, though I smiled for it even as I sat, smoothing my skirts to keep the fabric unwrinkled. "My ankle is better, truly. I can walk fine as long as I don't go running amok across a rocky field," I added, my smile flashing up towards a grin before sobering some as we spoke again of Sophine.

"I hope she will," I said, faltering some. "Sophine's one of the strongest people I know. She fostered with my twin and I growing up, but she's married into the Shahrizai family now, so I don't see her as much as I had before. Guy will find her though. A former Cassiline.. I don't doubt his abilities."

I longed to take his hand up in mine, but refrained if just barely. "How have things been with you? Things have faired well for you since the Coronation," I said, flashing a brighter smile at him.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I could see the concern in her eyes a she spoke of her friend's well-being, and I nodded somberly, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder and caressing her just slightly, trying to soothe. "Well my prayers will be with Kushiel that she returns unharmed," I said with a soft smile before I removed my hand and we moved on to other business - that other business being me. Ah.. the question of what had happened since the coronation sent me to nigh bumbling like a fool, my hands clasped i nmy lap now as I turned my gaze from her, sitting down beside her. I was worrie dof how she would react. Woudl she slap me? Would she raise up and leave this very room? Would she be hurt? I think I feared teh last one worst. I would welcome a slap or some angry words, but to see pain in her face, caused by me and my actions... ahh Kushiel. But he was a hard master to please.

"Yes... since the coronation well. I think it is best to say that things have been interesting, and there are some rather... important new developemnts for me," I said, offering her a smile, though it was not filled wtih as much warmth as it was perhaps a little apologetic. How was I to explain this without making the marriage I was in seem like soemthing I didn't want to be in, for even though it had come upon both Liselle and myself suddenly, to say that I was compeltely unhappy would be a certain lie. Love would grow between us, Liselle and I, certainly slower than it did between... did? Did!? No no, might have, yes might have between Lilli and myself, but that did not make it any less important. I knew I would have to choose my words wisely, and still tell the truth, for I could never forgive myself to lie to her. Perhaps it would be selfish to unburden myself and tell the complete and total truth, but from waht I knew of Lillianne, and I felt I knew her well, even if most would deem it impossible, I did think she preferred compelte honesty over half truths.

[Lillianne du Verais]

The gentle caress of his hand on my shoulder kicked up the butterflies again, something I felt exceedingly guilty about as it was obviously meant as a gesture of support regarding Sophine. I couldn't help myself though; even the smallest of touches delighted me irregardless of intent. I gave him a smile of thanks as he mentioned he would pray for my near-sister, but then he took his hand away and clasped both of them together, looked away... and overall seemed nervous.

It confused me a little, but didn't worry me, and this time it was me who sought to comfort him. Reaching, I placed my hand over both of his as he clasped them together, gently caressing my fingers over his skin. "Good developments, I hope," I suggested, smiling warmly at him. "And if not, well, mayhap I can help think of a way to turn them to your favor."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

The ccaress of her hand was the touch of a friend, for certain. But I felt guilty in revelling in it, in noticing the warmth of it, the gentleness. She was for certain a friend, but there was more, much more, feelings that had not been spoken for between us, feelings that seemed to have grown so quickly. And she was so kind, I always only knew her to be kind, and I chuckled softly at myself, at my thoughts as we sat there. How could I even think that when we had ionly known each other for a short time. Ah yes, but the time we spent together... well it was perfection. I swallowed hard, willing myself to look at her, to look upon her smiling face, so open and unassuming, and forced my eyes to stay there as I spoke.

"Well, I suppose it depends on how one looks at it... this good news," I said softly, my eyes wanting desperately to look away as I spoke, afraid of what they would find there, but IO kept them where theywere. "I am married," I said simply, fighting back the lump that rose in my throat, and waiting on tenterhooks for her response, her reaction. Liselle an I had come to an agreement of sorts, but still I felt guilty with her hand upon mine, but perhaps it wasn't that sort of guilt, perhaps it was the guilt of knowing that I still wanted her in my life as... something other than just a friend. We had barely scratched teh surface of our attraction, of our friendship, of our anything but I knew that it was headed in a good direction, or would have been had I not... no, no I mustn't think that way. I WAS married, regardless of arrangements and I was going to stick this through. My face soured a bit at my own thoughts. I made it sound like I did not want to be in teh position I was in. Mayhap it was not ideal, but Liselle was a woman and a friend, a lover of mine in her own right and I mustn't downplay that either.

[Lillianne du Verais]

I continued to trace my fingers over his hands, a gentle touch for a gentle man. Our loveplay had been passionate and strong at times, but Cast himself was a gentleman in all aspects of the word. I wanted to lay my head against his shoulder, to kiss the worried wrinkle that grew between his eyes as he looked at me, but instead I did neither. I watched him, smiling softly, trying to be a picture of calm reassurance as he began speaking.

'I am married.'

I blinked at first, but almost instantly I laughed and shook my head a little, giving him an affectionately amused smile for all of a few seconds before that too began to melt. The more I looked at him, the more I saw him, how he watched me in worry, how tense his shoulders were. My lips parted into a small 'o' of surprise, and my hand froze on his as shock passed through my system. "Oh, oh..."

Oh Elua, how stupid I was. He'd been at the wedding alone, and I'd assumed he was single and without attachments, when he had a wife at home. I flushed scarlet as I pulled my hand back, but I didn't stand, too shocked still, my eyes widened. "Oh I'm sorry, I should have realized, I shouldn't have come today. I didn't know; I didn't mean to intrude."

Mortified, I half made to stand, before changing my mind and bringing my gaze to his, still shocked, not knowing what to say.. but Elua, oh gods Elua, I didn't want to go! I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay here, I wanted him to wrap me in his arms and I wanted to tell him how much I cared for him. Stupid Lilli, stupid Lilli.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

She... she should have known but how? True, things would have been posted with a wedding in normal circumstances, but such was not the case. Unless, she thought, perhaps, that I had been married when I met her. My brows shot up and I shook my head as she made to leave, but then... then she stopped. Why was she blushign so terribly, and... apologizing to me? When I should have been teh one in her shoes.

"No, no Lilli... Lilli please, don't be sorry, don't.. .there is no need to. When I had met you," I smiled then at teh memory, "when we ahd met, I was unattached, and I was unattached for a little whiles after that. The marriage... its only a week old," I explained. "Just a week old," which of course made me look like a cad. i shook my head and took a deep breath. "Her name is Liselle. We had met before you and I had, and had seen each other on a few occassions and one night, a week ago, both of us... we were drunk, though that is no excuse, and I don't want to make it sound like it should be, or that I should make up an excuse and... oh bother," I whispered, feeling like a dolt, an idiot, an arse. "It is... complicated. Very complicated. But... I needed to tell you... I needed to let you know. I have been wanting to tell you for this entire time, this entire week but... well I thought you were gone, and then I just did not know really the words to say and... I'm sorry." I looked at her, my eyes pleading her to.. well I did not know. She should have smacked me across teh face, punched me in teh jaw, anything, I just prayed I did not make her cry. I knew she felt as I did after that night, I knew she did, she was too earnest to fake any sort of connection like that. And so this news. I just hoped I did not hurt her.

[Lillianne du Verais]

Gods, my head was spinning. All thoughts of Castiel receiving me with joy and the same deep affections I held for him vanished like a puff of smoke.. but like the smoke, it hovered unseen, still infiltrating me, seeping into my lungs and always remaining a part of me. He would always remain a part of me, no matter the short amount of time we'd known each other. My mother, she'd spoken of love at first sight sometimes, and I'd never believed it, had never met anyone that made me instantly care for them. Was it love? I didn't know. I'd hoped to come here to spend time with him, to know him more and figure out if it was love that I felt. I suspected.. but oh Kushiel, it didn't matter now, did it? He was a married man.

I dropped my eyes, feeling a fool and at the same time not feeling a fool. He wasn't married when we first met, and I'd done naught wrong. And he? He'd married in a state of drunkenness, and was keeping that marriage apparently with a woman he knew only a little more than he did me. I was riding to help my friend, and he was drinking and marrying another. Anger flashed through me before it was suppressed and dismissed; I had no claim on him, he could do whatever he wanted. I had none, and now I never would have one.

"You don't need to be sorry," I said softly, though I didn't look at him again, not yet. I was pulling myself together, raking myself back to some semblance of who I was, and when I finally did turn my eyes to him, there was a smile forced onto my lips. "You don't need to be. I had no claim on you, and I wouldn't dare stand in the way of.. of.." Of what, true love? But it wasn't that, was it? "..Of matrimonial vows."

I stood, unable to sit anymore, and paced a few steps to the window to stare out before I peeked back at him again. I wanted to cry, wanted to bury my face in my hands and weep like a newborn babe, but I struggled it down. "You're happy, I hope," I added, though there was a lilt to the end that hinted at a question.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

That smile... it wasn't a true one, not the ones she had given me before... and my heart broke. I felt it break in my chest, into a million shattered pieces, sharp and stinging, making it hard to breathe. By the Gods... by the Gods... what had I done? And what could I have done? Was this my punishment? Was I not trying to live up to Elua's precept? Perhaps not. Love as thou wilt. I closed my eyes as she spoke, rising to her feet and walking to the window to look out of it, but I was frozen where I was. She told me nto to be sorry, but I was, she asked if I was happy but... truly there was more to it than just being happy.

"Lilllianne," I murmured softly, though I stayed where I was. I wanted to go over there and hold her and console her. "It is not about claims. Though we may not have said anything... I felt.. there was something more than just... than just," and I truly did not know how to say it. She was more to me than someone to warm my bed. She was more than just a friend. She was something, and my heart yearned for her, and yearned to keep her safe. "I never wanted to hurt you. Ti all happened so suddenly and though it happened... I could not get you out of my mind. This entire time I have been worrying over how to tell you, and worrying over how you might react, and now you're giving me fake smiles and hiding behind a facade. I can see it Lilli, I might not be so perceptive with others... but I can see it. And I am sorry." Gods, I did not want her to leave, not in the slightest, but how could I ask her to stay, to sit and talk with me about it when everything was so freshly revealed.

[Lillianne du Verais]

I watched him as he watched me, watched the pain in his face, and I knew. I knew without a doubt, without him even having to tell that there was something more than just friendship there for him. He cared for me, and I for him... and this hurt us both. Did he want it? I didn't know, but in the end that was irrelevant to me. The only thing that did matter was that he cared for me.

I didn't realize I was crying until the tears slid over the swell of my upper lip, and hastily I wiped them away. "What would you have me do?" I asked softly. "Slap you? Throw something at you? Leave, and never come back? I won't hurt you, and Kushiel knows I should leave, but.. Gods Castiel, there was something more than just friendship." I wanted to sit, desperately, but there was no chair, and so instead I wiped at my tears, trying to calm myself, to keep them from working any harder down my face. "The only thing I can do is smile, and wish you luck and... and love."

That above all else hurt to say, but I made myself say it anyway. Whether he knew it or not, Castiel already held my heart in his hands, and Kushiel help me, but I didn't want it back. I wanted him to keep it, and to think of me, and to care for me... and oh gods, that made me the worst sort of person, didn't it? He was married! Married.

Love as thou wilt... And I did. Oh Elua, I did.

"I don't want you to be sorry.. I don't want you to hurt or regret, I just want you to be happy, and if this brings it, I'm glad you have it. I won't try to stand in the way of your.. your wife."

I was wrong. That hurt the most to say. I didn't scowl at him, or hate him, or think ill while wishing him well vocally. I took in a few shuddering breaths to try to steady myself, my eyes flickering to him and away again, before settling on him once more.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

The pain was writ all over her face, and when the first tear slid down her cheek, I was upon my feet and walkig over to her, propriety be damned. She spoke her peace, but instead of interrupting, I just shook my head, shaking it the hardest when she mentioned whether I waned her to leave. That was the last thing I wished from her, the last thing, even though I knew I was being selfish in wanting her to stay, in asking her to endure this, especially before me, by the Gods what sort of man had I become? The sort of man who wanted to be with two women, the sort that made them cry, or worry, or despise him? Perhaps my move to Elua had been a bad one, perhaps Des was right in not wanting to come but... no... because then I would not have met Liselle, and I would not have met Lilli... oh Lilli. When she had done speaking I held her, embraced her. If she wanted otu of my arms, she would have to fight, but I could not stand by and watch her cry, watch her tears slip down her cheeks and chin, so I held her to me, wrapping my arms about her, one hand holding the back o fher head and pressing it to my shoulder.

"Oh Lilli," I whispered, my voice breaking slightly, though tears did not roll down my face. I kept them locked away, steeling myself, even if I was being tender and warm, adn trying to comfort teh woman before me. "Oh Lilli, please don't cry, please" I whispered, shushing her softly, not as though she wer a child, but just trying to comfort her even the slightest bit. But how could I truly? I was the reson she was cryign in the first place. "I don't want you to leave, though I hate myself for saying it, and for being so selfish to have hurt you and still want you to be around me, I am begging you, please don't leave," I whispered against her hair, taking in deep breaths of her scent, as though breathing her in might keep her with me if she decided that it was best for her to leave. "I know that I have gone and messed things up royally, truly I do, and if ... i fyou never want to see me again, or be in my company in any way at all again, I will be upset, more than upset, but I will not stop you, who am I to ask anything of you Lilli, who am I?!" I asked her, sighing heavily as I held her. "I wish I knew how to make everything right with everyone that my decisions have affected - you, Liselle, Des, I've gone and torn up everyone's lives," I murmrued, though my voice was stronger, and I spoke these words through clenched teeth in self-hatred.

[Lillianne du Verais]

I'd yet to finish speaking when he was before me, his arms wrapped 'round me and holding me close. I should pull away.. gods, I knew I should, but I didn't. No, instead I pressed my face into his chest and breathed him in, remembering his feel, his scent, his touches and noises... All the things I wouldn't experience again, not with his marriage. Love as thou wilt, but I would not be one to wiggle her way between a married man and his wife.

My hands rose, and I pressed my palms and fingers against his ribs under his arms, holding him, drinking in his comforts, his gentle shushes. I listened to him as he spoke, my eyes closed, struggling at calming myself, at slowing and stopping the trickle of tears down my face. I didn't want him to remember me like this, or to think of me in this light. Besides, I had no claim on him. No claim at all... as much as it pained me to know it. The fact that he didn't want me to leave spoke volumes, and I had to struggle not to kiss him, press my lips to his and beg him to leave with me. What kind of a woman was I? What kind of a person would do such a thing? I struggled with myself, and controlled, for his sake as much as that of his new wifes.

"Castiel," I whispered back, pulling back enough to look up at him. His eyes were dry, but the emotions he felt were plain on his face, and I had to fist my fingers into his shirt to keep from touching his cheeks and trying to soothe him. "Don't, please... don't think badly of yourself. You're the best person I know. I don't want to leave, but I don't want you to feel.. Ah gods, you have a wife, I don't want to come between that."

My tears ceased, and I broke a hand free to wipe my cheeks again, struggling with myself and my thoughts. "Liselle, is that her name? It's pretty."

I bit my lip, and looked at him again, so close to me that I could smell his cologne, so handsome and in such pain that I could cry anew. "Don't worry about me," I said, mustering as brave a smile as I could, and unlike the last one I gave him, this one was real, even through the remaining moisture on my face. "We'll always be friends... if you'll allow it," I added, hopeful, my eyes locked on his, watching, and trying to lock away all my feelings for him.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

She held me closely to her, and for a moment, everything seemed perfect, until I felt her against me, shuddering just slightly, or heard her sniffle, and I had to force myself to remember that I had done this to her, even if that was the last thing I wanted to do, and even if her words told me to feel otherwise, I would always have this image in my mind, Lilli, the last person I ever wanted to hurt, being hurt, by me. It seemed like I was doing a world of hurting to people I had not intended to hurt lately, and I only felt worse for it. She pulled away a little, wipin gher eyes, and I looked down upon her, feeling a light cringe of pain in my chest as she spoke Liselle's name, and then smiled, seemingly so cheery, were i tnot for the streaks of tears staining her cheeks.

I nodded, but said nothing for a moment. Yes, that was her name, my wife's name, and I was now doing bad by her, wasn't I? I did not know waht to think, not anymore. Was this okay? Was this wrong? I harboured feelings for both of these women, and though Liselle had mentioned before that we could still go one seeing the poeple we had seen before our lives were thrown together, I had stoode against it vehemently at first, and now... now here I was wanting to hold and kiss and be iwth another woman intimately, and still have those feelings for the woman I married.

Lilli's voice brought me back, though, and I focused on her, and furrowed my brows.

"Of course, of course we will still be friends, I do not know what I would do if I lost you entirely, Lilli... and... I wish... I wish there was more... I wish we could be more," I whispered, knowing full well as my heart filled with guilt that the words were ones that, though I felt them true enough, probably should not have been spoken. I shook my head and said nothing else, but looked into her eyes.

[Lillianne du Verais]

It was impossible not see how conflicted he was, and I knew I should walk away, I knew I should back up and exit the home, do nothing more than write a few letters, say hello at public functions.. but gods bless me, I didn't want to! Inwardly I sighed; but it wasn't up to me anymore, was it? I'd left to try to find Sophine, a trip that ended up failing and my mare dying for it, and came home to Castiel to find he was married while I was gone. I wanted to say I wished I'd never gone, that mayhap this wouldn't have happened, but I had to at least try, for the well-being of my best friend, of my near-sister, I had to try. In the end, too, it may not have mattered if I was here or gone. I didn't own Castiel, he didn't own me, and neither had we declared for each other. He was free.

"So do I," I whispered back, the smile on my face fading towards a sadness before I could catch it. No matter how I tried, I couldn't help but mourn the loss of.. everything for us. Friends we would be, but what was friendship in the face of what could have been? But, ah... there was naught to do for it now. Naught to do but make the best of things. "But... but we can't. We can be friends though, and that's something at least."

It hurt to say it, but I had to. What other choice was there? "Mayhap we can dance together, at the next fete we both attend," I offered, an attempt to cheer things up, my smile wavering a little as it grew, hopeful still.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I chuckled softly, but it was fake, and I htaed myself more for it, for doing the sort of thing that I utterly depised, and I shook my head.

"Yes... ye sperhaps we could... and yes we will.. but it doesn't seem like enough, does it," I said, lowering my eyes to peer at teh ground between us before I raised them again to hers. "It really doesn't, or is that my selfishness speaking. Friendship should be enough, right? Shouldn't it?" I did not knwo waht to think anymore, confusion riddled my mind, and right and wrong were muddled, so much so that the urge to kiss her seemed the most right thing to do, though I refrained. "I suppose it will just... have to do. Id rather that than nothing at all, even if it wil hurt, an even ... when you.. find someone you love and...," but I did not finish those words. Instead, Iswallowed the lump that had grown in my throat and tried a smile instead, nodding. "Friends."

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Arranged marriage wasn't easy, that much was certain, but I was doing my best to ignore the hardships and focus on other things. I finally had some things of mine here and was getting comfortable in the place, ignoring or staying away from his 'dear sister' as much as I could and otherwise learning the ins and outs of this life. I refused to change how I dressed, or my hair, or anything else that I considered 'me', but I did the estate work we'd negotiated on that first night and I did it thoroughly. Camael, how could so much paperwork be so badly arranged? I hated paperwork almost as much as I hated the desperation I felt.

I'd decided to take a bath after breakfast before I started again, letting myself relax in the bathing room. Alone. I wasn't used to having someone around me so much and at times it drove my nerves raw, especially since as far as I knew he only stayed around me to prove his point. I hated believing that but it was easier than admitting he actually did like me and was making an effort. At least now if he stopped I would think of it as him being done with the games rather than losing something no one else had really ever shown toward me- perserverence.

Bath done I dressed in one of my usual gowns, this one mahogany with accents of cream, and fixed my hair with a few pins to hold it back loosely before slipping into my high heeled shoes. I could hear voices from the parlor and I made my way down the stairs quietly, my ears prickling. Oh, I could hear well enough where I stood, out of sight, and I didn't have to see anything to know what was going on. How sweet. There was a brief pang of anger, embarrassment and pain all blended together, but I stifled it. Good thing I'd decided not to like him or this may hurt more. Deep breath Liselle, take comfort in being right.

Why he was staying loyal was beyond me though. He obviously liked her better, but why should I care? Well, maybe now that he was reminded of her existence he would rethink our arrangement and prove me even more right. That realization felt like an icy, bitter stone in my heart.

Putting my smile back in place I took a deep breath and then walked toward the door, making my steps just a little slower to give them a chance to hear it. After all if you had to lose at least win at the 'saving face' portion.

As I stepped into the doorway I felt exactly as though I was walking into another fete where I might meet someone who could be a good contact. "Good afternoon, I hope I'm not intruding," I replied, my tone clear and polite. "You must be Lillianne?"

[Lillianne du Verais]

He was in so much pain that it tore me asunder inside, shredded my already broken heart. Gods, but all I wanted to do was bury my face in his neck and hold him, hold him and hug him and tell him everythign was going to be alright.. but I couldn't. Everything could be alright in the end, but I couldn't hug him and hold him anymore, I couldn't slip my hand in his, or call on him when I was feeling sad, or kiss him when I was happy. We could be friends, we would be friends, but it would always be a friendship with clear lines, lines that we both wanted to cross, and lines that we could not... and through it, I knew that I did not want to give up the rights to the friendship. It was something... it was anything. He spoke, and admitted fairly the same thing as I thought.. but when he spoke again about finding the person he loved...! All the pieces of my broken, shattered heart leapt into my throat, and I froze, starting wide-eyed up at him. He loved me? He loved me! He lov...

A female voice sounded, and I jumped with a gasp, my eyes instinctively darting to the side to see who it was. A face met me, one I didn't recognize, and given she looked nothing like Castiel I had to assume it was his.. his wife. My cheeks were scarlet nearly instantly, and I backed away from Castiel, my eyes still wide. I felt somewhat like a rabbit caught in a trap, though I was no rabbit, and there was no trap.

Mortified, I dipped a curtsy. "I am," I said as I straightened, and I darted a look at Castiel before looking at the pale-haired woman again. "You must be Liselle," I added, calling a smile as I looked at her. There was little that was fake about me, and even in the smile, even with the jumble of emotions coursing through me, the smile itself was still real, even if it did hurt. "I find I must congratulate you on your marriage. I am honored to meet you." Happy? Pleasure? Mayhap, in time, but not now, not with how much it hurt. I didn't look at Castiel again, kept my eyes on his.. on his Liselle, but I was aware of him all the same; had I been the rabbit, my ear would surely have been cocked towards him.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I heard the footsteps of heeled feet, and turned away from Lilli, still with that sad, yet soft smile upon my lips, and watched as Liselle entered the room. My eyes darted to Lilli at first, when Liselle spoke, but then they rested on my wife. She was beautiful, and though I could not tell whether her pleasantness was feigned or true, she was smiling, and fair glowing from her bath. I smiled softly ass the two of them made their introductions, unsure whether they were being nice, or circling one another in a feminine way of sniffing one another's rear ends. But it all seemed sincere enough, and I hoped that this meeting would not end up as badly as the meeting Liselle had had with Des. But still, I stood by Lilli, at least until their words were spoken, and I gave her one more glance before walking over to Liselle's side and placing a soft kiss upon her cheek.

"I am glad you've come down," I said to her, turning to face Lilli. The whole thing was... well I felt awkward, though I could not speak for the other two, I felt jittery, like standing by Liselle would hurt Lillianne, and remaining by Lillianne would hurt Liselle, and I had really done enough hurting of the women I fancied. "Shall I get us all some refreshments?" I asked, my eyes going to Liselle's face first, then Lilli's and then Liselle's. This was going to be... an interesting morning, for lack of a better expression.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Oh, how quickly they parted and acted like they hadn't just been talking so sweetly amongst one another like insipid characters in a bad romance story. Then again they didn't know I'd been listening in. No, I would save that knowledge for when I needed to reveal it, preferably to Castiel in private so he would know I'd seen through his hypocrisy of false decency. That would have hurt my heart but I'd simply let it ice over, locked it in a box and thrust it away. Emotions had no place in business and that's all I would let this be.

And the delicate blonde looked at Castiel as though he would defend her, or at least make things easier. So that's where he'd learned it for me then. "I am, and thank you. It's good to finally meet you as well," I replied sedately, bringing a hand up to twine around a coil of my hair, my smile widening slightly as though in sheer affection at the touch of his lips to my cheek. She could have his heart- I had his title, his money, his house and his arm in public to make me look respectable. That was all I'd cared about gaining for the majority of my life and that was all I would let myself care about now.

Besides, he would let her down too. He didn't even have the balls to stay by her side and admit in front of me that this was a sham, though he had while I'd been absent. Like he wanted my affection or for me to think well of him? He'd pay for thinking me so stupid, as much as I was going to make myself pay for nearly being that stupid.

"I heard voices and thought it would be rude to ignore a guest," I told him politely, still every inch the polite lady of the house. All I had to do was repeat to myself that at least I was better at faking things, and that meant I would win at this round. Let him scream at me later for it, I didn't care anymore. "There's some contacts I should meet in the city to get the vintages of wine some better circulation, but it would be rude to refuse."

Hah. Maybe this would be hard for me, and likely hard for the girl, whose position in this I'd played many times, but I'd make it even harder for him. It was time for something to be his fault.

[Lillianne du Verais]

She was quite beautiful, the girl before me, and had I been forced to guess I'd have said she was close to my age. Castiel was near a decade older than both of us, a fact that didn't bother me overmuch, and I had to assume as well that it didn't bother her either given.. well, everything. From her shimmering locks to the sweet way her face was shaped, it was easy to tell why he had fallen for her.. for fallen he must have in order to elope, even if it were a temporary thing. Something, too, must lay between them to keep the marriage and not give it over discretely, a fact that was driven home as he left me to walk to her and place a kiss on her cheek, something she smiled prettily at him for. Yes, indeed, something was there, and I was quite much the third wheel.

I parted my lips to say I was glad she'd come when Castiel said nearly the same sentiment, and I closed my mouth again. Of course he was.. of course. Gods Lilli, you are such a fool.

"No, thank you, I'm not thirsty," I said softly. That she had known of me before now was obvious in what she'd said alone, and I wondered what had been said. Was I a friend? A fling? A lover? I nearly looked at Castiel again, but I couldn't bear it, not right now. I was still trying to digest everything; all I wanted to do was look away from the pretty picture before me, what a handsome couple they were. What did she think of all of this? She looked nice enough, wasn't glaring daggers at me for having been caught nearly hugging her husband... Castiel had found himself a gentle lady, it seemed.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

The tension in the air rose perceptible, at least to me, and I felt myself wanting to fidget, wishiing that Lilli had agreed to any refreshments so that I could make myself scarce, even if just for a moment. But she had not. I turned to Liselle who was smiling prettily, one of those smiles where it was hard to tell if it was genuine or not, her voice and words mirroring the same manne. Would I always be struggling to find the truth between us? I bit back a sigh, still standing at Liselle's side, I turned my attention to her, after my eyes had rested upon Lilli as she spoke, her eyes straying from my form altogether, not even a glance towards me was spared. It hurt, though I knew and understood why, it still hurt. This whole situation was painful in one way or another, but it seemed that for the moment we were here, teh three of us, together. I just could not shake the feeling that there would be some sort of game introduced, and the part I would play in it was unsure, at least to me.

"How about you Liselle, would you like something? Tea, water?" I asked her with a soft smile, "perhaps something to eat?" I asked, looking to Lilli to let her know the offer was up for her as well. Perhaps I was flogging a dead horse, but I had to try at least.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

Lilli's eyes stayed on me or on whatever else was in the room but didn't go to Castiel at all, almost as though she was guilty and didn't want to look her crime in the face. For me, I was really past caring what either of them did so long as they didn't make my life more difficult and some part of all of this was left for me. I never asked for love, only for the dependence of others to see me through, to know I was the mistress of my station by the fact I'd attained it. I would just keep repeating that to myself as many times as it took to sting less, and then to become true.

Someone to split the difficulties with would be a blessing anyway. We are d'Angelines and thrive most when given the freedom of our whims. And the right to buy pretty things and have someone to look after us, of course. Not that I would ever let Castiel know that. No, let him stew as a lesson not to cross my moods again.

"I had some breakfast earlier, but drinks sound nice- and there's wine if you'd rather, Lilli. There are some fine vintages here. Perhaps you could help me choose which ones to take to the distributors today? An outside opinion can't be a bad thing and Castiel is so close to his wines that it's harder for him to be impartial," I said in reply to both of them, noticing how Castiel's eyes rested on Lilli as though waiting for her acceptance and condemnation while my own gaze showed only mild interest. Maybe this was the closest I ever came to extending an olive branch, giving them space to come up to my level rather than making sure I always had at least one step above them.

Besides, no doubt this would make Castiel even more nervous, even with my good intentions toward his precious Lilli. As far as I knew he only ever thought the worst of me.

[Lillianne du Verais]

Oh Kushiel, this was more awkward by the second. I didn't know what to do or what to say, where to even look... I should go, I decided. I should leave, I shouldn't be here, a former lover standing in the home of a married couple. Inwardly I winced at that, but just as I bought my eyes up, glancing first to Liselle, I found her looking at me and inviting me with her.

I blinked, and immediately flushed. She knew. I knew she knew, and yet here she stood, her hand metaphorically stretched out for me. A wave of guilt washed over me, and though I opened my mouth to deny her and take my leave from the place, I instead found myself speaking other words.

"I'd be honored to, La.. m.. your Grace."

My cheeks reddened further at my own stumbling, and at the pain it brought to address her the title of rank she now held. It didn't bother me so much that she held it - she seemed absolutely lovely and I was sure she would do many great things with her new power, but the fact that it came from Castiel. It was an extension of him.

"I'm afraid I don't know much about wines," I admitted as I made my way towards her, ready and willing to take a leave for even a moment to try to collect myself before seeing Castiel again. "However, I'd be happy to assist you as well as I may. Is your business in wineries, then?" I asked curiously, trying to put on a brave face. The smile I gave her wavered, but it was genuine in my gratitude for her, and I couldn't help but glance at Castiel again. To include him in the conversation again, perhaps some would think, but truthfully it was to just be able to look at him. Slowly I was gathering myself, though I still feared foundering. My eyes went to his, and my smile lifted a little. It was sad still, I couldn't change that just yet, but I wanted him to know - I wouldn't hold it against him. Life was as it was, and all you could do was ride it out as best as you could. My eyes went to Liselle again, and I watched her, her pretty face and glimmering hair, so lovely.

[Castiel de Bonnel]

I listened, and wached, and truly did not know what to think. I knew Liselle could e nice, but I also knew that she had a streak in her that was not the most pleasant, and I couldn't gfigure for the life of me as to whether she was being genuine, or whether there was an alterior motive, but I figure to ease the pending headache I would give Liselle the benefit of the doubt that she was in fact being cordial and not trying to make an already awkward situation more painful. I glanced to Lilli, her eyes finally finding my face, a slightly sad, but soft smile coming to her lips as she did, before she brought her attention once again to Liselle. I smiled back, for what it was worth, and straightened myself. If my wife was going ot make teh best of it, then I would try my best as well.

"Yes, I liek the idea," I said to Liselle, turnning my gaze and smile to her, "you do have a finer palette for such things, and my opinions would be terribly biased, but I would like to help pick out the wines I think might make a good selection to choose from, and for you two to taste from," I said, turning to Lilli, "besides you dont necessarily need to know anything about wines, just know whether you like them or not," I said, hping the words would encourage her, let her know that ti seemed things were okay... that she was welcome here, at least by me, and seemingly by Liselle as well. It still felt awkward, that I could not deny, but it felt less like I needed to watch my every word and step. If Liselle was pretending, well she had me slowly starting to believe her act.

[Liselle de Montblanc-Bonnel]

The tension in the room only got thicker underneath all of the courtesy and I felt my blood quicken, giving me those extra senses that I'd heard soldiers talk about appearing when they were in battle. I'd always posited that the courtly world was my battlefield and walking the tightrope of ambition and courtesy was my fight and these sort of situations only proved it. Maybe it wasn't Camaeline as everyone understood it but I knew it well enough to see this as a sort of passive victory.

But that wasn't really true either. I was tired of always living surrounded by the irritating itch of knowing I wasn't the first choice and if I had to place in a tie, well, that was still better than being second place. Better to make peace.

"Please call me Liselle, I have been using your first name for lack of your last," I replied with something of a more ruefully humorous smile. "My family is the Montblancs, who control some of the largest vineyards in Camlach." Well, they had, but unless I'd misjudged Lilli terribly she probably wouldn't bring up the stabbingly painful reminder of what had happened to the estate so recently. They'd be able to rebuild now though. Another reason to keep working at this. "And if you're somewhat new to wines I think you'll be a perfect median, as being raised around them to such an extent has likely jaded my palate."

Another glance at Castiel, still comfortably casual, told me more of the lover's little conversation of glances. Well, let them have at it then, it left my mind free. "I think that would be an excellent idea, my lord. If you'd like to choose your bottles I'll get Lady Lillianne and I settled in the parlor with some glasses and palate cleansers so we can have a true tasting."

[Castiel de Bonnel]

The niceties continued, and when Liselle turned her words and her gaze upon me, I fair nodded until my head was likely to pop off my neck, so glad was I to get away from the tentions, but at the same time, I was sad, adn worried. What might happen in my absence, what words might come to surface, what feelings and emotinos, without me about? Probably none, was my guess - Liselle was good with her threats, but she was not foolish at teh same time. Though I couolld not help but wonder, even as my lips answered with a curve and somehow formulated words while I thought on these matters.

"Yes, of course love. i will be right back," I turned to Lilli, and though my fingers itched to reach out and caress her, even if just reassuringly, I did not. I nodded and smiled, and hoped that that was enough as I left eh room, feeling myself let out a terribly long and deep sigh, one I hoped was not audible from the sitting room.

[Lillianne du Verais]

Elua, like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Castiels new wife (and never mind the pangs that came along with that title) was cordial and sweet, though she couldn't possibly be so daft as to miss the cable-thick strings that slung between Cast and I, no matter how I tried ignoring them.But, she ignored them and extended a hand of peace, such as it was, and there was nothing left for me but to accept it. My feet itched to run, but my mouth betrayed them.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Liselle," I acceded, and if my mind swam, there was still a lilt of gratefulness to my voice. I turned my body with hers, to accompany her towards the parlor, and suddenly it struck me; would it be the same room that Castiel and I had sat in, perched at the piano? Where he'd taught me to play a tune, where I'd listened to him, where we'd kissed.. just before we had gone up stairs to make love. Make love... And that was it, exactly; there were no other words to aptly describe it.

The bitter part of me wanted to insist that it was making love for me only, and for him it had been nothing more than a release of seed, a momentary satisfaction, but no matter how much I wanted to believe it, I couldn't. I knew the way he looked at me, I knew the way he kissed me, such tenderness and pure emotion, and I knew the way he'd looked at me when he told me he was married just a handful of moments ago. He did feel something for me, no matter the current situation. I wanted to be elated at it, but how could I? I didn't have to stomp down on that particular emotion; it simply couldn't seem to raise itself up from where it had fallen only a few moments ago.

I was proud of myself, though. I didn't run, I didn't back away and make excuses, even if that was what I probably should do. I held my ground and met the darling creature before me smile for smile, and I was determined to make the best of my time here. I didn't flinch, either, when Castiel called Liselle love... Love. Oh Elua, how I'd have given anything to hear him call me that!

My eyes went to him involuntarily, and I watched as he nodded and smiled before he left, a swirl of musky cologne staining the air in his wake. I drew a deep breath in, savoring it.

Alone with Liselle, I drew a soft breath and hesitated a moment, waiting for the sound of Castiels feet to fade before I spoke. "I'm so sorry," I breathed softly, near a whisper. "Had I known.. I never would have come, but I was out of town, then laid up with an injury, and quite out of the social circle." I hesitated a moment more, then spoke again. "My last name is du Verais, by the by, but I hope you'll call me Lilli."