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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on Apr 26, 2011 10:07:44 GMT -5
I laughed, our strolling slowing a little as memories came flooding back. It was painful, but I was well practiced enough to hide my own emotions, and even though I wasn't perfect at it my personality helped; I always preferred to think of the good side of things rather than the bad.
"I think you underestimate my strength, Princess," I teased, flashing a grin at her.
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on Apr 27, 2011 0:30:58 GMT -5
The way he looked at me, his grin, it made my heart stop for just a second. When it began to beat again, my heart ached with a force that made it impossible for me to keep walking.
I let my arm slip from his and swallowed hard to move the lump in my throat enough so that I could speak, even if it was in a whisper. “I underestimated a lot of things about you Troy, though not as many as I took advantage of.” I shook my head slightly. “I’m sorry… it hurts so much to be this close to you… to know how much I hurt you…. I was so selfish…”
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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on Apr 27, 2011 21:30:39 GMT -5
The tentative good mood and placid air vanished like a puff of smoke, dissipating so completely that it could have been part of an Eglantine illusion. She stopped and pulled away, and I stopped too, the smile sliding from my face in lieu of one of confused concern.
"It's alright, Leyna," I said gently. "For my side of it, anyway, it's alright.. You never meant to hurt me, and I never meant to hurt you either... sometimes life just pulls people in directions they don't want to go in."
My hand found her upper arm, and I gave her a little squeeze. I didn't move to pull her into me, didn't want to overstep any boundaries, but I was there, and I wasn't going to just walk away.
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on Apr 28, 2011 0:51:00 GMT -5
My hand came up to cover his where it rested on my arm, not even thinking about it until the shock of contact with his skin moved through me.
“You’re a better person than I am,” I said, letting my fingers fall away. “You smiled at me and it only made me feel all the things I have felt for you, which just makes me sad and it hurts because I know what I lost with you and that it was my fault.”
I had to move away from him, so I stepped onto the grass and sat on a little rise, before I looked at him again. “I know I need to quit wishing for the past, but it seems like that’s all I do anymore – want things that are gone.”
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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on May 17, 2011 7:56:26 GMT -5
Her hand covered mine, and just as quick as it were there it fell away again. I was confused, but at the same time I understood, and I let my own hand fall away, vowing silently not to touch her again unless she did so to me first, or she asked.
I watched her step away from me, and for once in my life I didn't know what to say. My hand came up and raked through my hair, tousling it, as I tried to buy a moment to think. "Mayhap you need a change of pace," I said softly, almost hesitatingly. "Travel? Something to take your mind off things, to let yourself begin to heal. But, Leyna," I added, "you have to be able to forgive yourself first. Being sad the rest of your life won't fix anything for the future - it'll just make things worse, and ever spiraling pitfall of darkness... and eventually you won't be able to climb out of it."
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on May 17, 2011 18:54:01 GMT -5
A wry, almost harsh sound that might have supposed to have been a chuckle rose from me. “You have no idea how far I’ve had to climb just to be here, Troy,” I said. Drawing my knees up, I wrapped my arms around them. “I gave up on it all; I was ready to let myself go too. Living was too painful for me to even contemplate continuing.”
I looked at the fabric of my gown, drawn across my knees, but didn’t really see it. “It was someone else that I had hurt and neglected that drew me back from that place and got it where I could function this much.” I sighed deeply. “I never thought myself a selfish or cruel person, and yet that is what I am I suppose.”
Shaking my head, I looked up at him again. “I’m still doing it. I make you come here so I can apologize; I make you listen to my woes and whining so that I will feel better about how I treated you while you were probably doing just fine having forgotten me. I’m so sorry Troy, I should have just let you be.”
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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on May 30, 2011 22:12:13 GMT -5
I was stunned into silence, stunned into numbness. She drew herself in and away, spoke of being ready to commit suicide, and apologized again to me. I was silent for a long moment, my smile long gone, and to be honest I didn't think I'd want to smile again for a long, long while.
"I'm not brittle, Leyna," I said, taking a seat on the stump of some unfortunate tree. Plucking a blade of grass from the ground, I twisted it around my finger, then plucked two more and began braiding it as I spoke. "I'm not going to break at seeing you, and I'm not going to let you sit here and be angry with yourself for doing something you think you are. You're not hurting me. It's alright.. I'm alright."
One blade shortened, and I took up the stem of a flower, threading it into place where the blade had been. "If being here helps you, then I'm glad you asked me to meet you," I added, looking up at her sincerely as I plucked more grass to braid into it. "Don't let yourself go because of a mistake Leyna, no matter what. Life will go on, and you must too. No matter what happens, things get better."
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on May 31, 2011 17:49:48 GMT -5
I watched his fingers as he braided the grass and flower, thinking about the few times I’d felt them moving on me.
“It both helps and hurts to be here with you Troy,” I told him honestly. “It helps because I have missed you terribly, and you are like the warm sun after a hard winter. It hurts because I want it to be like what it was in those few moments when I gave in to what I felt for you. I want to feel that way again and I know it’s gone.”
I rested my chin on my knees and watched him, unable to help the little smile that came to my lips. “Where did you earn to do that?”
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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on Jun 6, 2011 18:16:03 GMT -5
I didn't know what to tell her. It'd be easy to just go along with things, joke both of us back into smiles, but I was afraid that doing so would intensify things for her somehow. I didn't want to hurt her, just like she didn't want to hurt me. I paused in my braiding and regarded her quietly, my face quiet and gentle. "I don't know if I'll ever be with anyone, honestly," I said at length. I began braiding again by reflex, adding in another flower. "I'm Second; it takes enough time for that, but once I hold the seat of Dowayne, Elua pray it is a long time away, I'll have even less time. Married to my job," I added, attempting a jovial grin and half succeeding. My grin was lopsided, and I gave a little laugh before shaking my head and looking down to what I was doing again. When she asked me where I'd learned to braid, my lopsided grin grew a little more.
"My mother," I said, adding yet another flower in after spacing the last out with grass. "There wasn't much to do where I was born, and she'd entertain us all by teaching us to do things like this. The silly little things you remember from your childhood," I added, following the flower with more grass before deftly tying it off. It was tightly woven, and I tossed it to her, aiming for the top of her head; I'd judged it to sit atop her hair, and hoped I wasn't too far off. "Your crown, Highness," I said, flashing her a grin as I stood and brushed my breeches off.
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on Jun 6, 2011 18:42:29 GMT -5
When he said he’s never be with anyone, it took all my strength and a lot of blinking to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Troy deserved love and happiness as much as anyone I knew and it hurt to know that I’d likely had something to do with him shying away from it now.
I smiled as the coronet of grass and flowers landed on my head. “Thank you, good sir,” I said, reaching up to settle it in place. I looked at him sitting there, the sun making him glow and his lips held in that grin that made my heart melt. I would have given anything right then to have kissed him, even if it was just one last time.
I knew I had no right though and I looked away.
“I should let you get back to Jasmine,” I said, standing up and smoothing my skirts.
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Post by Troy nó Jasmine on Jun 29, 2011 14:47:24 GMT -5
"I do have to return," I said, giving her a resigned smile. "Don't be sorry, Leyna. Everything will work out in the end.. you'll see. It's cliche, I know, but it's true."
Stepping to her, I took her hand and bowed over it, and kissed her fingertips before straightening. "It was nice seeing you again... I hope this next parting won't be for as long as our last was."
Giving her hand a light squeeze, I let go and watched her a second, before turning and making my way back to Jasmine, my heart heavier in my chest.
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Leyna de Somerville
Royal
Her Highness, Princess of the Blood; Future Comtesse de Somerville; House Somerville
Posts: 5,711
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Post by Leyna de Somerville on Jun 29, 2011 15:02:02 GMT -5
If he’d waited another two seconds to turn, he would have seen the tears I could no longer hold in. I watched him go, a weight in my chest and a fear within me that this was likely the last time I’d ever see him.
Then I went home, slowly making my way back, more by instinct than anything else. Once in my room, I took the coronet and pressed it between the pages of an album, slipping it in with all of my other personal treasures.
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