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Post by Sabrina de la Courcel (D) on Aug 6, 2008 18:28:04 GMT -5
I nodded resigned and sipped my wine. It seemed no matter what I did Alexei was not happy with me, nor anything I said. I tried to explain my actions but that just seemed to make him madder. Now he was being sarcastic. I was truly beginning to wonder if I could live my life with Alexei. I loved him, but these days it didn't seem to be enough. I sighed to myself and continued to drink my wine, absently touching the necklace he had bought me and wondered about our engagement.
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Alexei Romanov
Royal
His Royal Highness the Prince of Ruskovia; House Romanov
Posts: 3,550
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Post by Alexei Romanov on Aug 6, 2008 19:05:32 GMT -5
I wanted to pick up something and smash it, but I restrained myself. Her silence and the look in her eyes spoke volumes. I cursed under my breath in Ruskovian.
“Perhaps I should go,” I said lowly. “Let you finish your dinner in peace.”
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Post by Sabrina de la Courcel (D) on Aug 6, 2008 19:06:55 GMT -5
"Is that what you want?" I asked looking up at him in wonder.
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Alexei Romanov
Royal
His Royal Highness the Prince of Ruskovia; House Romanov
Posts: 3,550
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Post by Alexei Romanov on Aug 6, 2008 19:22:32 GMT -5
“No, what I want is for us to be able to spend time together without arguing. I wanted us to have a day and night of nothing but fun and happiness, and I had thought it was going to happen.” I felt defeated, I had done everything I could to make it happen. “I love you Sabrina, but it doesn’t feel like you want me here right now.”
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Post by Sabrina de la Courcel (D) on Aug 6, 2008 19:27:22 GMT -5
I sighed, my gaze dropping down then back up to him. "I do want you here Alexei, I just don't understand why you get so mad at me. I made a suggestion, something I thought you'd be happy with and before I know it you're mad and saying you should leave me sitting by myself to eat alone." I shrugged a little. "I don't know why I can't make you happy. If you didn't want to be my captain you could have just declined without getting angry at me. You're always angry at me." I bit my lower lip and forced myself to stay calm. "I don't cook, I can't travel alone, I can't be alone....You hate that I'm queen. Maybe...maybe this won't work."
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Alexei Romanov
Royal
His Royal Highness the Prince of Ruskovia; House Romanov
Posts: 3,550
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Post by Alexei Romanov on Aug 6, 2008 19:46:03 GMT -5
“I don’t hate that you are queen, I hate that you treat me like I am not and never will be your equal. I am willing to stand beside and behind you Sabrina, but not beneath you. I was raised to rule a nation should my brother die, I have led my nation’s forces into war against several other lands, I am as educated as anyone in your nation and yet you refuse to treat me as if I am more than your courtesan.”
I was having to struggle more and more to keep my voice low.
“I apologized for getting irritated, but that wasn’t enough I guess. And I am not always angry with you, so don’t accuse me of that.”
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Post by Sabrina de la Courcel (D) on Aug 6, 2008 19:56:39 GMT -5
I nodded and willed myself not to cry. "You are always angry at me Alexei, or if not me for the sacrifices I have to make." I said as my hands went to my lap and pulled frustratingly at my gown. "You were just angry with me after I made a mistake. And you're angry now, I can tell." I stated plainly. "You want me to respect you, but you don't have any respect for me. You don't respect my decision about my Cassiline, you questioned my decision to keep Dominic Shahrizai alive, standing up in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed. You might as well have told me I was wrong in front of everyone. You ask me to treat you with respect, to treat your standing with respect but you question me and you question my job." I blew out a breath and turned my head to the side, trying to hide my tears. "I think we both should leave, and I think we both know this isn't going to work. I'm sorry."
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Alexei Romanov
Royal
His Royal Highness the Prince of Ruskovia; House Romanov
Posts: 3,550
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Post by Alexei Romanov on Aug 6, 2008 20:05:54 GMT -5
I felt as if my heart had been ripped out and set to burning on a sharp stick.
“And you’re doing it again, telling me I’m doing and feeling things that I’m not. I explained about your cursed Casseline and as for that trial I told you then and I will repeat it, I never questioned your decision, I was surprised. You always think the worst of me and apparently that makes you assume I am thinking the worst of you.”
I stood up, not caring at all who saw or stared. “You are not sorry, Sabrina. You have been trying to find a way to break this up for a long time, I just didn’t realize it until now. You don’t want me, fine. I’ll go back to Ruskovia and you’ll never have to see me again.”
I turned and stormed out of the restaurant, nearly blind with rage and grief.
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Post by Sabrina de la Courcel (D) on Aug 6, 2008 20:44:30 GMT -5
I stood as quickly as possible and went to the kitchen pushing open the door to find a stunned Fredric. "Is there an back entrance?" I asked as tears were streaming down my cheek. I grabbed for some coin and pulled it from my purse as he pointed silently to the door. I gave him a handful of gold ducats and withdrew to the door. As soon as I was outside I took a deep breath and began to cry.
I back against a wall and pressed my face into my hands, trying not to make too much noise as I knelt against the ground. I sobbed for a moment, my hand grabbing at my chest feeling the necklace that he had given me. It felt as though it was burning through my skin. "Your Majesty." I felt a pair of arms at my shoulders and looked up to see the second in command of my guard as he tried to haul me to my feet. "Your Majesty, please, you should come away from here." He pulled be down the alley way and I looked up to see my carriage waiting with an already open door. He almost pushed me in and closed the door before the carriage began to lurch forward. I crumpled onto the floor of the carriage and sobbed into the cushions of the seat.
You have been trying to find a way to break this up for a long time, I just didn’t realize it until now. You don’t want me, fine. I’ll go back to Ruskovia and you’ll never have to see me again. It kept ringing over and over in my head. You don’t want me, fine. I’ll go back to Ruskovia and you’ll never have to see me again.
Alexei....
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