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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 18, 2008 23:28:21 GMT -5
"Oh gods." I jumped from the carriage as I saw the embalmer carrying a sheet covered form.
"No, oh gods, please no!" The yelling alerted the servants and workers and they stopped dead. I slid on the gravel reaching the body and pulling back the sheet. "Nicole." I gasped tears stinging my eyes. "Nicole!" I yelled and patted her cheek, cold...lifeless, but some part of me thought that if I shook her hard enough she would wake. "No, no, Nicole, you can't do this to me!" I cried out as I felt my face light in fire as my yelling.
"My lord, my lord." A female's voice grabbed my shoulders and two hand grabbed my arms trying to pull me back carefully. "My lord, she needs to go to the embalmers. She needs to leave before its too late."
The words registared some where but I broke down falling to my knees.
"My lord." A set of lips went to my ears as an arm came around my shoulders. "My lord Azriel, please, please say good bye to the lady Duchesse and come in for the sake of your niece." I heard the voice begging for silence.
"Nicole." I sobbed softly, my body almost going limp except for the people holding me. I shifted to my knees and leaned against her, touching Nicole's lifeless hand. "Nicole." I whispered her name as if everything I felt, thought, said, was in the whispered breath of my sister's name. I stood and leaned over, kissing her cold flesh before I sobbingly placed the sheet back over her and toward the town house.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 18, 2008 23:46:24 GMT -5
I couldn't stop crying. It didn't matter that I'd had a fever for over a week and was too weak to hold a cup of tea. I had enough in me to sob. My parents were dead. Dead. Gone forever.
Dimly it registered that there was some commotion at the door, but I was too wrapped up in my grief to care.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 18, 2008 23:49:07 GMT -5
"Through there my lord." I nodded to the chamber maid and entered into Lillianne's room.
"Lilli?" I called out softly, tears still in my eyes.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 19, 2008 0:11:42 GMT -5
I had a stuffed toy clutched to me, a badger that Papa had given when I was little. I had it clutched to my stomach as I rocked with the sobs. I heard my name being called but ignored it. It was just another servant, supposed to look after me, help me get better. Nothing could make this better.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 19, 2008 0:13:58 GMT -5
"Lillianne." I said bit firmly unsure if she heard me or was ignoring me. "Lillianne I'm coming in." I pushed open the door of her bed room and entered to see her on her bed.
"Lillianne?" My voice went soft again.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 19, 2008 0:20:59 GMT -5
The voice didn't go away, and it slowly worked through my numb brain that his voice didn't belong to a servant. That voice was...
I finally looked up at him at the foot of the bed. "Uncle Azriel?" I managed, voice broken from the cough and then the crying. I must have looked like hell from the sickness and the grief, but he didn't look so good either.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 19, 2008 0:23:05 GMT -5
"Oh hun." I said coming to her and kneeling next to the bed. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you have to go through this." I took her hand and held it tight in my hands. "You shouldn't have....I should have been here."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 19, 2008 0:40:43 GMT -5
His words drew a fresh batch of tears from me, and they were hot as they slid over my skin. "They're gone Uncle Azriel. Gone," I croaked. Saying it was still hard, and I had to drag the words from my mouth. Words made it true, and I desperately didn't want it to be true.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 19, 2008 0:43:52 GMT -5
I nodded and lifted myself up and sat in her bed, wrapping my arms around her and pulling toward me in a hard embrace. My face pressed to her head and tears dripped onto her hair. "I know, I know." I whispered, remembering the pain of my own parent's death.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 19, 2008 1:09:06 GMT -5
My hands left the worn fabric of the badger to cling to his shirt. I buried my face in his chest, crying my heart out. Everyone had been afraid to touch me since I had fallen ill, and before that I had been bared from even holding Papa's hand when he fell ill. They didn't want me catching it as well. Too late. I held on to my uncle with almost desperation, afraid that he would leave me too.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 19, 2008 1:14:00 GMT -5
I held her tight to me, not saying anything, but letting her cry. I think I was the only one in this whole house that knew the sting of what she was going through. I felt like my heart would break, knowing how she was feeling. "Thats alright." I whispered softly, running my hand over her head. "Its ok, just go ahead and cry."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 2:18:37 GMT -5
I fell apart in his arms, dissolving into a puddle of salty tears. "Why?" I cried out. "Why, why, why?" The words faded into sobs as I hung on to the only family I had left.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 15:57:09 GMT -5
I just held her, my hand stroking over her hair as she sobbed into me. I held her rocking her a little as I tried to calm her.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 21:40:59 GMT -5
There was no way to answer my question, not in any way I would accept, so it was good that he didn't attempt to. I cried myself out in his arms as we slowly rocked back and forth. Even after the sobbing dwindled, and the tears dried out, I didn't move from the safety of his arms and I didn't open my eyes. I really needed someone to hold me right now.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 21:47:59 GMT -5
I felt as though I had lost my parent's all over and soft tears fell from my eyes. This was the first time I had cried in years. First with Nicole, and now here, watching some one I cared about hurting. I knew that hurt, I knew what she was feeling, every stitch, ever seam. It was like a pattern on my soul, wrought with scars, each needle point where I had pulled my broken heart back together. And here I was, feeling those seams pulled at as I listened to Lillianne cry.
It hurt.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 22:01:29 GMT -5
"Will it ever stop... hurting?" I asked, voice rough as it emerged from my tattered throat. It was the loss of my parents, not the sickness, that really made me weak.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 22:15:44 GMT -5
I touched her cheek gently and sniffed in my own tears. "In time," I whispered. "In time it will be replace by good things, and loving people." I kissed the top of her head. "But it always hurts at least a little." I held her tight. "And in time that too will be easier to bare." I had to be honest, some delt with the pain differently. Some smiled and laughed and tried to forget, who let happiness be their guide. Something I hoped Lillianne would sedd. There were some though like me, and I had to pledge that I would not let her become like that. A recluse, afraid to be near those that he loved for fear of loosing them. For what ever good that did me. I lost Nicole just as painfully as I lost my own parents.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 23:11:11 GMT -5
It didn't occur to me to disbelieve him. Some truths in life, like the fact that he had lost his parents as well and that nothing could make this instantly better, you didn't have to think twice on. I took his words and held them close. Hope was there, hope that in the future all this pain would ease. But then guilt hit me like a clap of thunder.
"But I don't want to forget them," I whispered.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 23:21:10 GMT -5
"You won't." I whispered holding her tight. "Never really." I pulled her back from me for a moment, cupping her face in my hands. "There will be times that all you can do is remember them, there will days when you'll hear their voices and remember how they smelt." I felt tears in my eyes.
"Those are the days that will make you're life better, or destroy it with despair. You will always remember them love, but you can never blame them for leaving you. You're parents are...were good people. And when you remember them you'll smile." I kissed her forehead before sighing and sniffing again.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 23:34:08 GMT -5
I could see the truth in his eyes. He wasn't hiding anything right now, he was just telling me the truth. I don't think I could have lived with lies. "But they were everything." My voice broke with a fresh sob.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 23:37:00 GMT -5
I held her close to me again. "Of course they were." I whispered softly as she began to cry again. "They'll always be everything."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 20, 2008 23:47:45 GMT -5
The tears didn't last as long this time, his presence soothing my soul and pushing back the grief. I fell asleep like that, ear pressed against his chest to hear the steady rhythm of his heart. It was the first time since my father died that I hadn't cried myself to sleep.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 20, 2008 23:54:14 GMT -5
I felt her ease and her breathing calm and then...slept? I smiled softly and sighed holding her tight to me and ran my hand over her shoulder slowly.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 21, 2008 0:03:00 GMT -5
I felt her hand stroking me comfortingly. I snuggled up further against my mother, for only she always did that when a thunderstorm had scared me, and fell into a deeper sleep.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 21, 2008 0:05:30 GMT -5
I closed my own eyes and sighed softly again feeling exhaustion take over me and soon I followed drifting into my own sleep.
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 22, 2008 12:01:32 GMT -5
I woke in her warm embrace, drifting upward from sleep. About half way up, something hit me as sour, and I jolted the rest of the way awake. I couldn't be in my mother's arms. My mother was dead. I pulled away from my uncle, the sensory image too strong to stand for any longer, and sat up on the opposite end of the bed.
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 23, 2008 1:02:41 GMT -5
I felt a movement next to me then a jolt, I opened my eyes to see Lillianne scattered it seemed. "Lillianne?" I whispered sitting up slowly. "Do you wish me to go?"
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 23, 2008 15:08:52 GMT -5
"I... No, I..." My words were so scattered that I made myself draw in a deep breath. "I just had a bad dream." I had wrapped my arms around myself, the knowledge that my mother would never hold me like that again having hit me in the gut. "I'm sorry Uncle Azriel, please don't go."
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Post by Azriel Shahrizai on Jul 23, 2008 15:26:00 GMT -5
I felt a little self concious at the moment and wasn't sure if she wanted me to hold her or not. She looked so fragile, like she would break if I held her too tight. "Are you hungry?" I asked softly. "I could call for some food."
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Lillianne Prévost
Aristocrat
Future Duchesse de Moulins; Ward of Azriel Shahrizai
Daughter of G?rard and Nicole Pr?vost
Posts: 1,148
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Post by Lillianne Prévost on Jul 25, 2008 12:47:59 GMT -5
"Yes, I probably should eat." My voice felt distant, as if my physical needs were not important. What I really wanted was for him to hold me like he had earlier, like he would never let me go.
"Are you going back to Marsilikos?" The answer was suddenly very important, and I finally looked at him, eyes searching his face for the truth.
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